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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner stayed out all night

118 replies

Lslm857 · 18/09/2022 07:05

My partner went on a work night out last night, text me maybe 3 times all night with just single messages and I would reply immediately and get no response. He then text me at 1.45am to say he was at someone from works house 40 minutes from here. It’s now 7am and he’s not home.

We have a 6 month old, and I asked him not to go overboard so that he was still functional today as he’s working away from Monday to Thursday and he was out all day on Saturday.

I feel really annoyed at him, but do I have reason to be?

OP posts:
Brideandpredjudice · 18/09/2022 07:07

Do you really need to ask that? He's an arsehole.

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 18/09/2022 07:14

I wouldn't trust this man 1 inch. He's not committed to your family and I hate to say it but I would assume he'd slept with someone.

Andromachehadabadday · 18/09/2022 07:18

I don’t think the texts are a problem tbh.

But him staying out all night would bother me. Especially if there’s been no further contact.

I assumed he will be a mess and parenting will fall to you all day.

I am not convinced, like op, that he has slept with someone. I know several people who just get ridiculously carried away when they are drinking and can’t seem to end the night.

But while I wouldn’t say I am certain he slept with someone else (he may have done), I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who can’t go out and have a good time without getting to the point they can’t participate in normal life the next day.

Original poster
Lslm857 · 18/09/2022 07:19

The thought that he’s slept with someone else is what’s really bothering me! I couldn’t sleep all night as it was just playing round and round in my head

OP posts:
crackerjackbaby · 18/09/2022 07:23

I'm sorry, this sounds awful. Do you think drugs were involved?

Original poster
Lslm857 · 18/09/2022 07:24

He swear he doesn’t do drugs so hopefully not

OP posts:
Galarunner · 18/09/2022 07:25

It depends on his usual behaviour. If he hasn't been out for months and is normally a considerate partner and he just let his hair down for a change, I might be irriated but not really worried or annoyed. He let you know where he was. He owes you some time off now. On the other hand if he is a bit of a twat at other times...

Yubgftr · 18/09/2022 07:26

I would pack up and go out for the day. Stay with a friend or family member. His behaviour is unacceptable

nopenotplaying · 18/09/2022 07:27

Have you tried calling rather than a text?

converseandjeans · 18/09/2022 07:27

It's normal not to keep texting on a night out - it's hard to if you're chatting to people.

I imagine if he was really drunk it's more likely he has crashed somewhere & slept on a sofa.

It's not ok to get that drunk if it means he's out of action all day today, having been out all day yesterday too.

Leafer · 18/09/2022 07:29

My husband and I would often stay out all night separate from each other as we used to go to a lot of after parties after gigs and things, as did other couples we know and it was just about partying and having fun with mates, so that sort of behaviour doesn’t necessarily make me jump to cheating. I guess it depends on your social life though.

The fact you have a 6 month old and it wasn’t pre arranged it might turn into an all night thing would not be ok with me. It’s very disrespectful to bail on you and barely make contact and so inconsiderate. If he is full of apologies when he gets home and perhaps it was a one off blow out after 6 months of new baby, I could move on fairly quickly. If he’s not sorry or it happens more regularly, it would be a problem.

do you have any reason to think he’d cheat other than him not coming home?

BigFatLiar · 18/09/2022 07:31

He may not have intended to stay out but drunk people are not renowned for making smart decisions, he'll have fallen asleep somewhere.

chilllove · 18/09/2022 07:32

He's gone back to the after party (40 minutes away) and is either still going or has crashed out.

He has text you 4 times over the course of the night. What time was he allowed out 'til?

You'll get loads of LTB type responses on here; try to keep perspective.

C1N1C · 18/09/2022 07:37

Says a lot about people's relationships if their first thought is cheating...

He's your partner, trust him. He has a kid... I'd rather my partner stays over at a friend's house than risks driving drunk and losing them in a crash.

Don't get me wrong, he could be cheating, but it's about looking at the other signs...hiding his phone, discrete texting, other late nights etc. But here, it's a one-off, he's allowed a night off.

I picked up my wife from a girly night out last night at midnight... she was plastered, but it has literally been once this year. Had she stayed over, I'd have just had a quite night with the cats snuggling with me for once and a full bed. Fun times!.. Enjoy your own time and trust until you have a reason not to.

Herejustforthisone · 18/09/2022 07:39

Even if he wasn’t cheating or huffing lines of gear, being out all day on a Saturday and then all night, while refusing to communicate when you have a six month old baby at home is truly shit behaviour. You just can’t do crap like that anymore.

Original poster
Lslm857 · 18/09/2022 07:40

He cheated on his ex many times which I think is making me more angry/suspicious than I would be otherwise

OP posts:
FitAt50 · 18/09/2022 07:41

Never ask about stuff like this on here, you will automatically get people saying "red flag" "affair" "leave him" etc. It's very poor of him and make sure he knows that when he comes home. Rationally explain how you feel and how selfish he has been.

FitAt50 · 18/09/2022 07:43

chilllove · 18/09/2022 07:32

He's gone back to the after party (40 minutes away) and is either still going or has crashed out.

He has text you 4 times over the course of the night. What time was he allowed out 'til?

You'll get loads of LTB type responses on here; try to keep perspective.

Finally a very balanced response.

Leafer · 18/09/2022 07:44

Ok well that update changes things… if he’s been known to cheat then yes I absolutely wouldn’t trust him.

Andromachehadabadday · 18/09/2022 07:45

Lslm857 · 18/09/2022 07:40

He cheated on his ex many times which I think is making me more angry/suspicious than I would be otherwise

I think it’s unfair to hold his past against him.

You choose to be with him knowing he has cheated on someone else in the past. You can’t then start punishing him and making assumptions based on that.

You either trust him or you don’t. If his last cheating wasn’t so much of an issue that ghat you chose to remain in a relationship with him, it shouldn’t. Be the deciding factor now.

LoveBugBride · 18/09/2022 07:46

Is this behaviour out of character? If he is often selfish and leaves you carrying the load then yes he's an arsehole. If it's a long awaited rare night out then he's a bit of a dick but ultimately Not the end of the world.

I wouldn't automatically jump to cheating but I would be keeping my eyes peeled for other signs.

Original poster
Lslm857 · 18/09/2022 07:47

he only told me about all the cheating on Thursday night

OP posts:
Lex345 · 18/09/2022 07:48

I think you need more information when he gets home.

Like PPs have said, possibly just got very drunk and flaked out on the couch or something. As an occasional thing, I wouldnt be too annoyed. If it started happening all the time, then I would be bothered

Leafer · 18/09/2022 07:48

Getting tricky to keep up with the new info. If there’s anything else relevant and you want good support or useful advice, best to post it all at once.

isthismylifenow · 18/09/2022 07:52

Lslm857 · 18/09/2022 07:47

he only told me about all the cheating on Thursday night

What happened on Thursday to bring this discussion on?

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