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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Partner stayed out all night

118 replies

Lslm857 · 18/09/2022 07:05

My partner went on a work night out last night, text me maybe 3 times all night with just single messages and I would reply immediately and get no response. He then text me at 1.45am to say he was at someone from works house 40 minutes from here. It’s now 7am and he’s not home.

We have a 6 month old, and I asked him not to go overboard so that he was still functional today as he’s working away from Monday to Thursday and he was out all day on Saturday.

I feel really annoyed at him, but do I have reason to be?

OP posts:

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 18/09/2022 14:20

Cancel the guests, go out, work out what your plan is. He has zero respect for you

cantthinkofabetterusername · 18/09/2022 14:20

SimonAndGarthsUncle · 18/09/2022 14:13

I fail to see anything particularly wrong here tbh

Hes been out and probably got the flavour and stayed out later than expected

Do you often try to regulate his fun? Keen to weigh him down?

So you think it's perfectly acceptable for him to be out all weekend while OP is home with the baby, meanwhile he's planned for HIS friends to come over when he's not even there?

Felicity42 · 18/09/2022 14:23

What happened since OP?
I'd cancel the guests if you don't feel like it.

Ilovevacations · 18/09/2022 14:23

cantthinkofabetterusername · 18/09/2022 14:20

So you think it's perfectly acceptable for him to be out all weekend while OP is home with the baby, meanwhile he's planned for HIS friends to come over when he's not even there?

Show quote history

He’s just having fun apparently 🙄

Cenosillicaphobia · 18/09/2022 15:07

Oh no OP I feel so sad for you.
whatever he was doing last night he is completely making a fool out of you. Doesn’t even respect you enough to come home early this morning and apologise.
Reading all your updates I think you need to dig deep here and kick him out. You deserve so much better!!!!!

Smineusername · 18/09/2022 15:56

He's on gear and has probably cheated. Either way staying out all night after disclosing that he's a serial cheater is one hell of a move. He's an emotional terrorist. I agree with previous posters that this is a test of what you will put up with. He needs to be out on his fucking ear and you need to stop chasing him/acting needy, otherwise you are in for hell with this cunt. He sounds like a bad person.

Respectfullydisagree · 18/09/2022 16:20

Lol @bringbackneighbours this made me chuckle. It’s not controlling, it’s consideration.

Early on in my relationship my partner stayed out all night, and I didn’t think anything of it. I assumed he was having a good time and crashed out at a friends. Turns out he had cycled (yes attempted to cycle blind drunk) into the sea (a metre or so drop) onto rocks! Lost his glasses and phone… struggled to get back home. He woke me up when he arrived back in the wee hours. He was so badly injured I couldn’t get any sense from him and had no clue what had happened! I was understanding at the time but he knows to never do anything like that again (not let me know what his plans are) as he could have died! I’ve never been more terrified of what could have happened. To think I was blissfully asleep unaware where he was or that he needed help! If he’d let me know he was leaving the pub if he hadn’t arrived back in an hour I would have known to go looking! Anyways you live and learn!

I hope you get this mess sorted OP, I feel for you.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 18/09/2022 17:43

Sorry to hear this OP. I hope it's all innocent and it could be. Is he back yet?

DarceyG · 18/09/2022 17:53

They’ll have made up by now and this will all be forgotten…until the next time.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 18/09/2022 17:54

@DarceyG yes

2022NewTimes · 18/09/2022 17:59

How would he like it if you left him home with the baby and did not come back until the following afternoon with no notice.....

feistymumma · 18/09/2022 18:51

My partner enjoys going out with his friends maybe once a month and he doesn't usually come back until about 5am or later. Doesn't bother me and we have a one year old baby. He texts me when he arrives and perhaps one more time. In his previous relationship he used to cheat but I am not of the mantra that once a cheat always a cheat. I trust him. Your partner being out all night is probably selfish if he knows you don't like that but it doesn't equal cheating.

feistymumma · 18/09/2022 18:52

Oh no if he is asking you not to ask him
when he is coming back then I would be livid. He is quite rude

Cupofteaonesugar · 18/09/2022 20:28

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP.
My ex husband did this a lot, and although there was absolutely no cheating involved (for 100% certain) the sheer anxiety and rage it gave me whilst I just sat at home waiting for him to come home.
I really hope he's talking to you tonight so you can sort this out.
You're worth more then this, everyone is!

PineOrange · 18/09/2022 21:45

SimonAndGarthsUncle · 18/09/2022 14:13

I fail to see anything particularly wrong here tbh

Hes been out and probably got the flavour and stayed out later than expected

Do you often try to regulate his fun? Keen to weigh him down?

I can guarantee you don't know your partner as well as you think you do.

it's always the free and easy spirited men that are too wrapped up in their own selfishness to realise what their other halves are doing.

Women realise it doesn't do them any good being good in these types of relationships and act accordingly. 😉

Have a good evening.

busybeeee222 · 18/09/2022 22:53

@LLslm857 - I hope your OK, and I hope you didn't let his friends come over because he really has been out of order.

SimonAndGarthsUncle · 19/09/2022 08:43

PineOrange · 18/09/2022 21:45

I can guarantee you don't know your partner as well as you think you do.

it's always the free and easy spirited men that are too wrapped up in their own selfishness to realise what their other halves are doing.

Women realise it doesn't do them any good being good in these types of relationships and act accordingly. 😉

Have a good evening.

Show quote history

Wtf are you on about

trackerc · 19/09/2022 10:16

Hope you're ok OP
You made this thread because you were distressed, frustrated & although initially was about that one night it seems it's bigger than that. Just wanted to say take your time, care for your DC, prioritise what's essential, process what you need to & you can use this thread to rant, chronicle your next steps to help you through, whatever they may be. I suspect you're not over the worst yet. Take care

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