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Original poster

Partner stayed out all night

118 replies

Lslm857 · 18/09/2022 07:05

My partner went on a work night out last night, text me maybe 3 times all night with just single messages and I would reply immediately and get no response. He then text me at 1.45am to say he was at someone from works house 40 minutes from here. It’s now 7am and he’s not home.

We have a 6 month old, and I asked him not to go overboard so that he was still functional today as he’s working away from Monday to Thursday and he was out all day on Saturday.

I feel really annoyed at him, but do I have reason to be?

OP posts:
Gazelda · 18/09/2022 11:45

I'd be livid.

I'd go out to a friends or family, with the baby.

I'd message him to say that his behaviour has been unacceptable. He's not pulling his weight as a father or partner. His lack of communication and failure to prioritise family time with you makes you question his commitment. Tell him the ball is now in his court.

Be stone cold with him.

Original poster
Lslm857 · 18/09/2022 11:54

Pineappleskies · 18/09/2022 11:32

Why drop this bombshell on Thursday then stay out all night Saturday?

To see how you took it. And because he was planning to cheat. And possibly to get a kick out of your upset. And possibly as a threat.

Any decent guy would be home by now, hugely apologetic, looking after baby and keen to discuss things properly. I'm guessing instead you've got an angry, accusatory man accusing you of too much texting and trust issues. A very nasty piece of work

Yes!! He’s still out and asked me to stop asking him when he’s coming home.

I’m so angry at this point, I’ve felt like a single mum all weekend and like he just doesn’t appreciate his responsibilities at all.

he won’t come home and look after the baby, he’ll come home, be annoyed at me for being annoyed at him, sit about hungover and probably take a nap.

I would go out and go somewhere else today but we’ve got people coming over this afternoon, who are primarily his friends and I’m now the one getting the house ready for them.

OP posts:
WaveyHair · 18/09/2022 11:58

I would go out and go somewhere else today but we’ve got people coming over this afternoon, who are primarily his friends and I’m now the one getting the house ready for them.

Stuff that - cancel the visit from his friends and go out. Say it is not a good time as your dp has been out all night and not yet home.

Herejustforthisone · 18/09/2022 12:04

Lslm857 · 18/09/2022 11:54

Yes!! He’s still out and asked me to stop asking him when he’s coming home.

I’m so angry at this point, I’ve felt like a single mum all weekend and like he just doesn’t appreciate his responsibilities at all.

he won’t come home and look after the baby, he’ll come home, be annoyed at me for being annoyed at him, sit about hungover and probably take a nap.

I would go out and go somewhere else today but we’ve got people coming over this afternoon, who are primarily his friends and I’m now the one getting the house ready for them.

Show quote history

Yep. As I thought. Another feckless cunt of a man.

TheCatterall · 18/09/2022 12:07

I second @WaveyHair suggestion.

cancel visit. Explain that DP isnt up to it and hasn’t been able to help get things ready as he didn’t come home after a night out and won’t be feeling well enough.

and seriously - he’s shown you who he is. He’s already shown you his needs matter more than yours and his child’s. He is a partner in name only.

you’re already solo parenting. Get rid of the dead weight.

CantFindTheBeat · 18/09/2022 12:07

OP,

Do you feel able to take back control of your life/pride?

I'm asking it as a question because it's not easy to do and in my own personal experience, you need to get to a tipping point before you do.

1: having your guests over today means you putting on a front. That's not healthy or needed.
2: having a partner who behaves like this shows a distinct lack of respect. If it's not out of character, it won't improve.

Do you work/have your own funds?

I'd start by cancelling your event. Let your partner see consequences.

Personally I think you are worth way more than this.

Ithinkiwanttobealone · 18/09/2022 12:08

Jesus OP, this is outrageous. Don't put up with it. Cancel the friends or better yet, go out and leave him to deal.

Then when you get back tell him to pack his bags.

letmeknowwhenyourfree · 18/09/2022 12:10

Op don't let him back into the house I did this to DH once an locked him out for 2 days He never did it again anyway

Menwithvenn · 18/09/2022 12:11

Lslm857 · 18/09/2022 11:54

Yes!! He’s still out and asked me to stop asking him when he’s coming home.

I’m so angry at this point, I’ve felt like a single mum all weekend and like he just doesn’t appreciate his responsibilities at all.

he won’t come home and look after the baby, he’ll come home, be annoyed at me for being annoyed at him, sit about hungover and probably take a nap.

I would go out and go somewhere else today but we’ve got people coming over this afternoon, who are primarily his friends and I’m now the one getting the house ready for them.

Show quote history

Are there any family or friends you could go to? Stop getting the house ready, take your baby and go to them for the day/night. Don't contact him and let him deal with his guests.

Absolute twat.

And once you've done that - tell him to fuck off permanently.

dreammattemousse · 18/09/2022 12:12

He sounds wonderful

Bestcatmum · 18/09/2022 12:12

What would he do if he was bringing up your DC on his own? There would be no nights out. He must have very little respect for you if he sees you as the default child carer 24 hours a day. Id be livid.

Hoolihan · 18/09/2022 12:15

Sounds to me like he had been up all night when he messaged you early this morning and is now asleep! ie has been doing drugs.

Bestcatmum · 18/09/2022 12:15

I agree. Don't get the house ready. Go out and don't come back until tomorrow. Fuck him. It will teach him a lesson. Go anywhere. Travel lodge if necessary. He is a prick. How dare he?

RJnomore1 · 18/09/2022 12:15

Does he have any other children or is this his first?

hes Checked out of parenting - that’s “you” job to him
hes told you about the cheating just before he disappeared for a weekend
he’s lied about the cheating before to make his life easy
he’s expecting you to facilitate his life (guests)

someti it’s easy to get carried away when you’re drinking. I’ve done it. But when you sober up you’re apologetic and try to make it up. Not make your partner feel bad for something you did.

Hows all this partying affecting you financially op? Who’s paying the bills?

RJnomore1 · 18/09/2022 12:17

Oh don’t cancel his guests for him - just go out and leave him to it.

cantthinkofabetterusername · 18/09/2022 12:20

After reading your updates I'm furious for you.
He's taking the piss now, going out and staying out is one thing but to tell you to stop asking when he's coming home? Nah fuck that for a laugh.
I'd text him and say "me and dc have gone out, don't know when we'll be back, don't forget your friends are coming at X time" and I'd go out and ignore him like he has you.
Prick

YesitsJacqueline · 18/09/2022 12:25

Sounds like he wants the single life, let him start with that today .
Go and visit your friends or family and let him host his mates alone, hungover and unprepared
Turn your phone off and while he's working away this week. Get packing- yours or his whatever living arrangements work best for you.

YesitsJacqueline · 18/09/2022 12:26

I promise you OP this won't get any better. My ex had numerous chances and now he's doing the same to his new wife!

Luredbyapomegranate · 18/09/2022 12:30

Bloody hell OP, I am really sorry.

Getting out of this situation for a minute, I think you have to assume this one is not going to last and plan accordingly. Do you have a job to go back to?

MrsWidgerysLodger · 18/09/2022 12:31

cantthinkofabetterusername · 18/09/2022 12:20

After reading your updates I'm furious for you.
He's taking the piss now, going out and staying out is one thing but to tell you to stop asking when he's coming home? Nah fuck that for a laugh.
I'd text him and say "me and dc have gone out, don't know when we'll be back, don't forget your friends are coming at X time" and I'd go out and ignore him like he has you.
Prick

This...

DO NOT be doing all the work to entertain HIS friends. Go elsewhere and have a lovely time with friends/family and your DC.

ElectedOnThursday · 18/09/2022 12:34

We don’t know where he has been or why, but working with what you do know is plenty enough to be angry.

He ducks responsibility, continues to behave as a singleton.
He is a poor communicator.
He is a serial cheat - and liar.
He does not respect you.

This is a recipe for divorce. Frankly I would do it now rather than waste another moment. I know it is easier said than done but honestly, the standard here is rock bottom. You can only do better.

Ragruggers · 18/09/2022 12:34

Donot get the house ready.Put together some bits for the baby,picnic for yourself and go out for the day.Hopefully you can drop in to friends family etc and go home when you are ready.If the friends arrive and he is out so be it not your problem.Make plans to be alone with the baby.Sorry he is a crap partner and father.

Beelezebub · 18/09/2022 12:40

Lslm857 · 18/09/2022 11:54

Yes!! He’s still out and asked me to stop asking him when he’s coming home.

I’m so angry at this point, I’ve felt like a single mum all weekend and like he just doesn’t appreciate his responsibilities at all.

he won’t come home and look after the baby, he’ll come home, be annoyed at me for being annoyed at him, sit about hungover and probably take a nap.

I would go out and go somewhere else today but we’ve got people coming over this afternoon, who are primarily his friends and I’m now the one getting the house ready for them.

Show quote history

Don’t do that! They’re his friends - go out!

TooHotToTangoToo · 18/09/2022 12:42

Why the hell are you sorting things out for his friends. Go out op and leave him to sort out the afternoon for his friends. Then turn up no right and breezy and don't lift a finger.

If you stay at home and enable him then he'll do it time and time again.

FairyHannie · 18/09/2022 12:44

Get yourself and your little one ready and go out for the rest of the day (and night if you can)