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Original poster

Partner stayed out all night

118 replies

Lslm857 · 18/09/2022 07:05

My partner went on a work night out last night, text me maybe 3 times all night with just single messages and I would reply immediately and get no response. He then text me at 1.45am to say he was at someone from works house 40 minutes from here. It’s now 7am and he’s not home.

We have a 6 month old, and I asked him not to go overboard so that he was still functional today as he’s working away from Monday to Thursday and he was out all day on Saturday.

I feel really annoyed at him, but do I have reason to be?

OP posts:
Andromachehadabadday · 18/09/2022 07:54

Lslm857 · 18/09/2022 07:47

he only told me about all the cheating on Thursday night

Wow! He waited until you had a baby with him to drop something like that on you. Surely you have discussed before how you wouldn’t want to be with anyone who has ever cheated.

Then he just a few days later, disappeared all night?
I presume you are thinking about ending this anyway then?

What made him tell you all about his cheating past, just so randomly?

Campervangirl · 18/09/2022 08:07

The not answering texts wouldn't bother but the staying out all night would especially as you have a baby.
My oh has the occasional blow out with his mates, I don't text him (I'm enjoying my me time)
but he has never stayed out all night and if he did there would be trouble.
Your dh sounds like an arsehole, I'd be worried as you posted that he'd cheated on an ex.
Hope you're ok

Cupofteaonesugar · 18/09/2022 08:10

This is not ok or fair.
It's really easy to get carried away when having drinks with friends etc and this may well be the case, but that doesn't make it fair and he owes you big time.
Mohegan long have you been together?
Hoping you're ok ♥️

cantthinkofabetterusername · 18/09/2022 08:15

I wouldn't automatically assume cheating even though he's done it in the past, I do wonder why he only told you about it on Thursday though?
Does this happen a lot or is it a one off?
My DP has nights out with his friends every few months or so, I don't message him but he'll often text me when he's pissed to say love you, he always comes home though.
Do you know anyone he's with or their partners?

scooterbee38 · 18/09/2022 08:17

My ex did similar when we had a young baby! I remember one specific occasion I drove him to meet a friend at lunchtime so he could have a drink. At 10pm I hadn't heard from him so called, he said he'd get a taxi back and be home in twenty minutes. At midnight he still wasn't home... I called him he was still out... I told him not to bother coming home that night and he didn't. Came home at 11am, whilst I was left looking after the baby. No apology, nothing.

I think what it shows is a gross lack of respect for you. My ex did the above about three or four times (so not every weekend) but you are well within your rights to be annoyed. Having a new baby is really stressful and a huge mental load, which a lot of men do not understand. You don't have to deal with a baby and a hungover mess. Hopefully he says sorry and learns from his mistake if not I'd seriously consider if this guy is a help or hinderance to have around xxxx

sittingonacornflake · 18/09/2022 08:23

He first told you about the cheating on Thursday night and then stayed out without notice all night last night? I dunno I smell a rat there. It feels a bit like mentionitis. Like he knew he was going to do this.

Emotionalmessy · 18/09/2022 08:27

Is this out of character for him to do this ?

it could be completely innocent , he was so drunk it would have been disruptive to come home so late so stayed at his mates . Some people carry the night on at their mates .

i think it just needs a discussion when he’s back. Do you have more than one child ? Maybe he just needed to let steam of.

it’s not acceptable not to keep you updated about not coming home etc so that’s not on.

Cliopatra1 · 18/09/2022 08:51

Lslm857 · 18/09/2022 07:40

He cheated on his ex many times which I think is making me more angry/suspicious than I would be otherwise

Oh no OP once a cheat always a cheat. You cannot trust this guy. Hes acting like a single man with no responsibilities.

Noteverybodylives · 18/09/2022 09:01

The texting is irrelevant and it was unnecessary to text each other during the night.

I would be annoyed then he’s slept somewhere else leaving you at home to do all of the work.

However, how annoyed I would he would depend on how far away he was out drinking and how regularly he goes out and does this.

Noteverybodylives · 18/09/2022 09:02

It may be that his mates was close by so it was better to go there afterwards and sleep instead of travelling all the way home.

If this is a regular thing then it’s completely unacceptable.

If this is very rare then just let him get on with it.

Elmer83 · 18/09/2022 09:03

Sorry he’s treated you this way. Is he back now?

CrystalCoco · 18/09/2022 09:14

He sent 3 texts when he was out, that's probably 2-3 more than I would expect or send myself.

Not coming home without it being pre-arranged would be a concern, firstly I'd be worried that he's actually ok, if he is ok then I'd be pissed off that he didn't say what he was up to/where he was/let me know he wasn't coming home.

If you live together as a couple then communicating your plans is the decent thing to do, save you a sleepless night of worry.

knittingaddict · 18/09/2022 09:14

isthismylifenow · 18/09/2022 07:52

What happened on Thursday to bring this discussion on?

Show quote history

This.

Original poster
Lslm857 · 18/09/2022 09:19

Thank you for all your replies!

It wasn’t so much the not texting that bothered me, more the not coming home and not telling me or replying to me then when I was worried. He was close by on the night out and then went 40 minutes away to someone’s house. And no he’s not back yet and I haven’t heard from him for an hour and a half since he messaged to say he stayed there.

He doesn’t do this regularly but has done it a couple of times. However, it has become a running theme for him to be out the house a lot and acting like he’s not got responsibilities.

In terms of the cheating - he had originally told me he cheated one time, and I was willing to look past this, however we had a date night on Thursday and we were having a drink and he told me it had been 15-20 times that he cheated on her. I obviously feel very differently about this and found myself unable to sleep last night imagining that he was cheating on me. Even now that he hasn’t responded for nearly two hours and is still there at this time I’m wondering what he’s doing.

OP posts:
thelastgreatdynasty · 18/09/2022 09:30

I definitely don't buy into the once a cheat always a cheat line. Mumsnet is very black and white in cheating, however life isn't just black and white.
There Obviously with the conversation on Thursday made you feel worried. It could be that he had too much to drink so his friend suggested going back to his so he can sleep the booze off. Try not to think of the worst instantly. I know it's easier said than done.

Billylilly · 18/09/2022 09:32

Do you know who he went out with and where he could possibly be staying?

girlmom21 · 18/09/2022 09:34

I wouldnt have assumed he'd cheated until you said he admitted on Thursday hes a serial cheat.

I'd have assumed drugs before that.

HailAdrian · 18/09/2022 09:37

Yeah, I'd assume he's cheated. Bin him off, I know it's not easy when you have a child together but you don't deserve this shit.

HailAdrian · 18/09/2022 09:41

I definitely don't buy into the once a cheat always a cheat line. Mumsnet is very black and white in cheating, however life isn't just black and white.

Me neither, I know when I've not gone home in the past it's because I've been with someone else. I know I wouldn't do it now. I don't care if anyone here thinks I'm a disgusting person, I've been a very troubled person. If he can cheat 15-20 times on one person though, that would definitely be my first thought.

GhostFromTheOtherSide · 18/09/2022 09:45

He’s a serial cheat. He was planning to cheat this weekend, has probably done so numerous times in the past in fact. And on Thursday decided to tell you so that when you realise he’s been shagging around he can say that you knew what he was like so you’re unreasonable to be upset about it.

I’m not of the once a cheat always a cheat persuasion, but this hasn’t been once a cheat has it, and the fact it happened several times shows that actually in his case it is always a cheat.

I’m also not generally of the ltb brigade either, but in this incident I absolutely would. I would tell him that telling me how much he cheated just before staying out for a night without telling you makes it very clear what he thinks of the relationship, and then I would throw the fucker out. And get an STD test.

Choconut · 18/09/2022 10:19

I don't think once a cheat always a cheat but I do think that if there's nothing to suggest he's changed - then he probably hasn't.

bringbackneighbours · 18/09/2022 10:31

Campervangirl · 18/09/2022 08:07

The not answering texts wouldn't bother but the staying out all night would especially as you have a baby.
My oh has the occasional blow out with his mates, I don't text him (I'm enjoying my me time)
but he has never stayed out all night and if he did there would be trouble.
Your dh sounds like an arsehole, I'd be worried as you posted that he'd cheated on an ex.
Hope you're ok

WTF? You are extremely controlling and I feel terrible for your other half. What else would they get in trouble for? Apart from enjoying themselves and getting a well deserved break away from you?

Youre are the arsehole, not the Op's DH.

scooterbee38 · 18/09/2022 11:20

@bringbackneighbours wow! In a mature, respectful partnership I'd never expect my other half to stay out and not tell me! It's not normal.

Pineappleskies · 18/09/2022 11:32

Why drop this bombshell on Thursday then stay out all night Saturday?

To see how you took it. And because he was planning to cheat. And possibly to get a kick out of your upset. And possibly as a threat.

Any decent guy would be home by now, hugely apologetic, looking after baby and keen to discuss things properly. I'm guessing instead you've got an angry, accusatory man accusing you of too much texting and trust issues. A very nasty piece of work

Screwcorona · 18/09/2022 11:38

In a similar boat op 😔 not quite so wild...husband rolled in at 4.30 but our kids are up normally at 7 and the baby kept me up 12 till 6. I feel like absolute death and could have done with him being a grown adult today...not a pissed teenager. Not fckn happy