He’s not interested, is he?

[Questiononline]

Been chatting for three weeks. I had to cancel first date. He cancelled second. Then went away. We spoke on phone during his holiday. And messaged a lot. This week he asked me when I could meet - I suggested Saturday night. He didn’t come back to me for several days. He then told me to call him early evening (tonight) to make plans. I did but he’s too tired from travelling. I was very disappointed. We spoke for an hour (great chat) then he suggested meeting next week. Not sure why he didn’t suggest tomorrow or Monday. I think he’s keeping me on back burner - wanted to know what others think? He’s in his 40s and he said it’s lack of opportunity and being picky that’s got him where he is. I don’t have time to waste on the wrong men anymore.

Exactly Meltingx I’ve never experienced this before and I’ve been doing online dating some time
usually guys are quick to lock in a time and date and actually meet !

I had to sleep and didn’t have access to my calendar. then he went lukewarm when I messaged him so I didn’t want to put myself out there again in terms of suggesting a date and time. He can do that..

Stop playing games!! You should have checked your calendar in the morning and suggested a day. that’s not “putting yourself out there” it’s just basic communication. Either arrange a date or move on, but angsting about it this much when you’ve never even met doesn’t bode well.

This is hopeless. OP - you seem
to be the kind of person who is quick to jump to conclusions and judgements. And who finds it hard to self-reflect.

If you still don’t understand that you should have just answered the guy in the morning with some dates you are available - and that is the normal thing in communication between people - I don’t know how to explain it to you.
You keep saying you don’t want to be wooed - but in reality it’s what you expect from him.

Why else would you want him to keep trying to arrange a meeting - when you went silent when he tried? Do you want him to beg to atone for his sin of cancelling before?

But any normal person wont ask again in this situation. They’ll assume you were not interested.

He’s dodged a bullet on the basis of this thread

OP back to your original question, I agree with you he’s not that interested. I'd definitely just move on, or at a push meet for a quick coffee.

I can not understand why you would flirt or be ‘cheeky’ with someone who is not that bothered or that you have never met.

There might not be chemistry in real life.

He’s followed up, said sorry for silence, and asked when I am free so I replied with some dates. Let’s see. Not holding my breath.

@Doingprettywellthanks

I’m quite a long way off 50 actually! But I have teenage daughters and from what I see I don’t think the situation OP is describing is that unusual. It certainly wasn’t worthy of the dreaded self esteem question…

Oh he seems very flakey if he still hasn't arranged a date?? Nah, after his long apologising messages I thought maybe you should give him a chance at a date. But it's mid week now and still nothing is organised.

I would just leave it for now and move on. Long pleading calls and messages are easy - it's how someone makes time for you that matters. Also the excuse about not being good at OLD, well, he's good at the OLD part i.e texting and calling. He's not good at the actual dating part of meeting up. And in his 40s he should know how to organise a date - I imagine he did that loads before OLD became a thing.

So if in 20 years your teen daughters behaves like this about a man they’d never met - you wouldn’t be a little concerned about how much self respect they had for themselves?

i bloody would be. Actually I would be concerned if they behaved like this about a boy when they were 13 let alone in 20 years time