He’s not interested, is he?

[Questiononline]

Been chatting for three weeks. I had to cancel first date. He cancelled second. Then went away. We spoke on phone during his holiday. And messaged a lot. This week he asked me when I could meet - I suggested Saturday night. He didn’t come back to me for several days. He then told me to call him early evening (tonight) to make plans. I did but he’s too tired from travelling. I was very disappointed. We spoke for an hour (great chat) then he suggested meeting next week. Not sure why he didn’t suggest tomorrow or Monday. I think he’s keeping me on back burner - wanted to know what others think? He’s in his 40s and he said it’s lack of opportunity and being picky that’s got him where he is. I don’t have time to waste on the wrong men anymore.

Do you have very very low self esteem op?

You weren’t talking though

You we’re messaging

what was he “complimentary” about?

"Exchanged massages"?😳
I know, I know - it's a typo.............isn't it? 😉

I think if you keep sending him 'flirty' messages eventually he'll come round for a shag when there's nothing else doing. But he's made it very clear he doesn't like you enough to make any real effort for.

How can either of you expect him to be interested/not interested if you haven’t even met?

And you’ve been almost as flaky as him by cancelling the first date. I’d just be patient, set something up for next week and see how it goes when you meet him. For all you know he might be a keeper!

🙄

Oh come on

Have you read the thread?

Micecrospies I’m a well seasoned online dater - usually my dates are set up within a week of talking. This one is unusual with 1 hour + talks, messaging, him going away, cancelling twice etc

I think I’m going to leave it now

shame as I liked the vibe I got off him but too much flake

I don’t know why some people are being so funny 🤷‍♀️

When I like a guy, my instincts can go off - it’s completely normal and I’ve come on here to have my concerns and confusion validated. There’s no need for obnoxious messages about my self esteem.

OP, the self esteem thing is a bitchy MN dig at you. It’s in the league of ‘Are you always this anxious?’ Ignore it, they’re being rude and misogynistic.

FWIW, I think a lot of the posters here are older than you and don’t understand how dating works with younger people. I’m guessing by the way you write that you are considerably younger than him?

You’re asking for advice from a load of 50-year-olds I’m afraid, so they might not understand about what ‘talking’ means and why it’s fairly normal to be flirty with someone you haven’t met. You were talking about what he might wear - it wasn’t phone sex!

I do think you can’t blame him for being flaky though, as you also cancelled once, and he naturally won’t be that invested until you’ve met, so he might be keeping other options open. I think I would do the same if I were him, as he might be thinking you’re not that interested.

I would give him a chance and meet. Be careful he’s not married though, especially if I’m right and you are quite a bit younger.

My basic rule of thumb in these situations is that the actions need to match the words. So you have both agreed to meet up but this has not happened-any dates set have been cancelled.

So either 1) there is lack of interest from one, or both parties or 2) one of the two parties are either married or committed to another relationship

You’re no spring chicken… I’m in the peri menopause thread with you! 😂

"You’re asking for advice from a load of 50-year-olds"

Speak for yourself @benning I'm in my late 20s and definitely far from frumpy snd wouldn't send flirty texts like that!

@Questiononline - if you just came here to get validation, ok fair enough.
But I hope you at least tried to listen to things that were said.

You seem to be playing a lot of games.

And not communicating with clarity with this particular man.

He asks you when you’d like to meet. You don’t reply. Then complain he hasn’t set a date.
You worry about suggesting a meeting in a short term - as what would he think….
You expect some sort of wooing before you two have even met.
You have nice conversations, but then you overanalyse his messages, and play more games.

Maybe it’s because of the bad experiences with men. But regardless - it’s not going to make for much success at dating if you repeat this pattern over and over.

flirty fine

but never met him
had been very concerned hours beforehand that he wasn’t at all interested
sends him a “very flirty” message about what he’s going to wear
gets drunk
sends more messages apologising for being “cheeky”

less flirty and bit… needs a bit of a shake

I have been online dating for years. This is the first time anything like this has happened to me, so it isn't a pattern. MMmomDD Not wooing - but I expect some more effort when a guy has cancelled on me twice, before I give him another chance.

You say you expect more effort

but then before even seeing him for the first time, after being let down twice by him, you send a “very flirty message, then on the first time you meet meet you get drunk and “cheeky”.

From his perspective, he needn’t put in the effort but you’ll still behave as above!

Yes, he’s keeping you on the back burner, and you’re having to do all the work and chase him. Don’t do it. Move on to greener pastures and leave this one on the back burner.

He’s clearly unavailable, for x,y or z reasons, doesn’t really matter why.

I sent a flirty msg trying to prompt him to arrange a date. It didn’t work. Big deal. Doingprettywellthanks

Sandra1984 agree!

I don't think he should have asked you to so the calling on Saturday, especially having cancelled you.

Are you hoping to have children with a man? If he's too yired after travelling to meet up for a quick drink when the next day is Sunday, I wouldn't expect much in the way of support with babies because he sounds easily exhausted!

He's pushing his luck and doing the push/pull thing. Look at his actions not words.

@Questiononline

What more do you expect from a stranger who hasn’t even met you?
You told him he was flakey and you weren’t happy about him cancelling.
He asked for another chance. Texted you more. Made an effort to be available on any day. Asked you when you can meet.

While you proceeded to judge him for doing exactly what you wanted. Played games with scheduling. Not responded to his offer to actually meet.
What does ‘making an effort’ mean for you?

It is possible that the reason you ‘have been OLD for ages’ and not met anyone is not only because there are no good men.

MMmomDD 😂😂😂

You’re funny! MMmomDD!
No he didn’t text more. I did.
he messaged at 1am asking when I was free. I had to sleep and didn’t have access to my calendar. then he went lukewarm when I messaged him so I didn’t want to put myself out there again in terms of suggesting a date and time. He can do that.
I have had two long term relationships with men I met online.
you are making a lot of assumptions ! 😁