He’s not interested, is he?

[Questiononline]

Been chatting for three weeks. I had to cancel first date. He cancelled second. Then went away. We spoke on phone during his holiday. And messaged a lot. This week he asked me when I could meet - I suggested Saturday night. He didn’t come back to me for several days. He then told me to call him early evening (tonight) to make plans. I did but he’s too tired from travelling. I was very disappointed. We spoke for an hour (great chat) then he suggested meeting next week. Not sure why he didn’t suggest tomorrow or Monday. I think he’s keeping me on back burner - wanted to know what others think? He’s in his 40s and he said it’s lack of opportunity and being picky that’s got him where he is. I don’t have time to waste on the wrong men anymore.

think? He’s in his 40s and he said it’s lack of opportunity and being picky that’s got him where he is.

Yeah, sure it is 😂

But in answer to your question - No he doesn’t seem interested

I was very disappointed.

why? You’d never met and only exchanged massages

And going for a drink after all this rigmarole?! Should have gone for a coffee!

But you sound totally like you do not want to meet (to him)

He asked for a tine/date and you have refused to provide one or even say -work frantic for 2 weeks so how about first sat in October.

burnoutbabe He knows I want to meet - last night I sent him a very flirty message about what I want him to wear when we go on our date!

I like your suggestion of keeping it business like pawkins
Ill either suggest Tues or Wed, or I will let him come to me again - which I suspect he may not, due to lack of interest, or he feels he pestered me enough the other night

Gross!

OP seriously have some self respect. This was before you’d met him and the evidence was that he wasn’t interested, then he convinced you otherwise and before you’d even met… you were sending messages like this?!

Doingprettywellthanks I asked him to wear a suit. Not a g-string. We have been flirty since the beginning, it's quite normal 😀

You both sounds as bad as each other tbh 😂 good luck!

The beginning of what though OP? There isn’t anything.

Honestly, sack this one off. It's never a great idea to invest a whole load of time into someone you've not met. You're not flirting with 'him,' you're flirting with the idea of him

Next time around, arrange to meet asap. No hour long chats or exchanges that go on for weeks. It just leads to all this nonsense

I'd just go quiet now. Just move on and hop onto the next one

pawkins from when we started talking

Nah, wouldn’t bother. If he wanted to meet up he would have.

All sounds a bit… grotty to me.

so I will bow out!

He is a time waster at best, at worst he is married or has a long-term partner. Save your time, effort and emotions; the short term disappointment will be much easier than dragging on the charade and song and dance until he decides he's had enough or scared to get found out.

You are playing games the same way he is. It’s weird. You act about 15. He asked for a time and date and you think it’s all on him. Offer to meet tomorrow. Frankly texting someone to say wear a suit on a first date isn’t flirting at all. If someone sent me that I’d think they were controlling and weird. Either go on your date or let him meet someone else.

Do you know what I now think the issue may be, after your kind insight into the sort of messages you send each other.

I think you're perhaps coming across as a little crass / sexual, even if it isn't your intention. Getting drunk and texting someone you've never met saying "sorry I get a bit rude after a few drinks" is something I would NEVERRRR say. It actually made me wince just typing it out here. I'd just never send remotely "naughty" texts if I really wanted someone to like me as more than just a one night stand.

Sorry if that's harsh, but I'm just calling it as I see it. Maybe cool it on the flirty texts for now?

Blimey, way too much angst when you've not even met him.

whereareyounoww It's not the kind of message we send each other - it's only happened a few times. I'm usually the same, I don't flirt whatsoever, but I have enjoyed flirting with him. He is very complimentary and was extremely flirting when we first started talking. I pushed back, he calmed down, but we still tease each other and enjoy it.

CharlotteRose90 I would normally agree with you, but the guy has cancelled on me twice. It changes the balance.

whoknew123 fair point. never considered he might be taken.

This is how to do it

That doesn’t tell him you want to meet. It tells him you want to get off on the messaging part.

You have been flirting with a man you have never met, that showed a fairly obvious disinterest?