32 weeks and in a nightmare

[Helpset]

I think DP has cheated and the trust has gone. I feel ill. I don’t want the baby, I wouldn’t mind if they stayed inside but I don’t want to meet them or know them. I called an adoption agency today and they said usually have to wait 6 weeks before an adoption takes place. I don’t want this. I don’t want to have to see them at all. I feel so distraught. Midwife is aware and said all options are available but I should take my time thinking about it. I’m certain about it already and don’t know how to get through the next few weeks. I feel like I’m living a nightmare

OP there will be a crisis mental health team within your community midwives, you should have a number on the paperwork in your folder. If not, please call your GP for an emergency appointment.

Your feelings are completely understandable but I think you'd feel better if you get some proper support.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.

You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

OP, we send our very best wishes to you and hope things improve very soon. Thanks everyone.

Hi OP, not to minimise what you are going through and I don't have a like-for-like experience but a couple of years ago I was pregnant, with a baby that we had discussed having beforehand. Upon conception, everything changed for me. It was all blackness and I seen absolutely no goodness coming from it. I was sure my partner would grow to hate me, I would be a single mum, I'd lose my career, I'd destroy my body, I'd end up with PND and be ill. It was doom, doom and more doom. My partner would tell me I wasn't thinking straight, that it would all work out, that I should speak to the GP etc. I honestly just thought he was fuck*n stupid for not seeing the reality that was SO OBVIOUS.
I had a medical abortion. I had a fleeting "am I sure" before taking the second tablet but I went through with it. It was the first time I had felt any relief from the blackness in weeks.

Two weeks later, my hormones settled down and my mind cleared. I couldn't believe what I'd done. I couldn't relate to the person I had been. It was so obvious, in hindsight, that I had been in some sort of crisis.

It's now several years later and I still wish I had got the appropriate help and chosen a different path. And, if I'm honest, I have a little resentment for my Partner that he didnt push harder, though I know that's unreasonable.

By all means try to put a plan in place that will put you at ease for now, but I would put a safety net in place, such as family or foster care, caring for the baby for the first week or two, to see how you feel once your hormones start to level out. I'm truly sorry you are going through this.

Antenatal depression
www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-and-perinatal-mental-health/postnatal-and-antenatal-depression/

OP, I couldn’t read and run. You must do what’s right for you and if that means adoption then pp have given you wise advice. But don’t underestimate the effect that hormones have on your mental health. INSIST on seeing your obstetrician-see an actual dr, not just a midwife. They will probably be able to expedite a referral to SS. You desperately need proper MH support right now.

But remember that little flash of allowing yourself to be excited. I don’t know your life or circumstances but the one thing I can guarantee is that your hormones are kyboshing any rational thought right now. Your mind is on the equivalent of clinging onto the deck of a ship in the middle of a terrible storm, it’s just trying to get through one minute at a time and can’t see through to the other side. You’ve had the most appalling shock and frankly your partner wants castrating. Of course you feel the way you do and who can blame you.

Admittedly I didn’t have your circumstances but my pregnancy was planned and wanted yet from the second I found out, I prayed to miscarry. I was so low and miserable, I was convinced my life was ruined and I’d be an appalling mother. Every time people asked me if I was excited I’d smile weakly and say yes but inside I was desperate. When I gave birth, the love didn’t come instantly but it came and it’s astonishing.

If adoption at birth is the right choice for you, then you must do it-but maybe also allow yourself to explore the possibility that you may feel different once baby is earthside. One final thing-do you know what you’re having? We didn’t find out the sex and in hindsight I wish I had as I think it would have allowed me to bond more.

Best of luck to you, you deserve so much better x

@Helpset how are you doing today?

So hope you’re ok @Helpset

I know this is a zombie thread!!

But I'm 32 weeks and googled it and this thread came up.

OP, if you're still there please let us know you're OK x