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Original poster

Dinner receipt? Is this the script? In such a muddle

532 replies

JasonWaterfalls · 13/09/2022 10:19

Hi everyone,

my DH has been using the fact that we’re struggling like everyone else financially to not do things together like date nights anymore. No dinners or trips out, etc, as we ‘can’t afford it’ - I found a receipt in his coat pocket which I searched before putting it in the wash for dinner for £90. This was HALF the bill so they split it. Two meals multiple courses, Bottle of wine, the works. £180!!

its printed for the date he told me he was going to meet up with a friend, he said they grabbed a late curry and he only spent £15. He’s been off with me recently because I’ve been a bit consumed with my parents problems (they are not coping with cost of living at all and I think my dad might be dying slowly), says I haven’t been ‘present’ enough at home or giving us or the home enough attention. I feel sick and so sad since I found it, I haven’t said anything to him. I’m approaching 40 and don’t have much of my own.

im just so terrified and low. The £90 hasn’t come out of our joint obviously, so I guess his personal, but he said he didn’t have much and was putting as much as he could into the joint pot. I don’t know how to approach it. I feel like I don’t know anything anymore.

OP posts:
KosherDill · 13/09/2022 14:16

Why are you staying in what sounds like a dismal and unfulfilling relationship?

JimmiChoux · 13/09/2022 14:17

StarCourt · 13/09/2022 13:55

The trouble is he obviously feels justified in lying to you. That won't stop

Sadly, I agree with you.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 13/09/2022 14:22

I would be digging deeper before asking him op. Does he work late? Any necessary nights away?

Isthisexpected · 13/09/2022 14:44

I'm sorry OP. I think yes it's the script and it's either this friend or whoever he was really with if not her that are inside the walls and you're on the outside now.

middleofthelittle · 13/09/2022 14:56

I would demand to see his phone and go through it. If he refused you have your answer.

girlmom21 · 13/09/2022 14:58

middleofthelittle · 13/09/2022 14:56

I would demand to see his phone and go through it. If he refused you have your answer.

What as opposed to just confronting him with the receipt?

middleofthelittle · 13/09/2022 15:00

@girlmom21

Yes as if he's having an affair, which is likely. He'll dent the there is anything going on and the first thing he'll do is go to the bathroom or work and delete all evidence of the affair.

I would hand him the receipt and ask for his phone.

middleofthelittle · 13/09/2022 15:01

@girlmom21 deny **

girlmom21 · 13/09/2022 15:06

middleofthelittle · 13/09/2022 15:00

@girlmom21

Yes as if he's having an affair, which is likely. He'll dent the there is anything going on and the first thing he'll do is go to the bathroom or work and delete all evidence of the affair.

I would hand him the receipt and ask for his phone.

Fair enough. The first time I had to ask my DP to hand over his phone rather than giving him the opportunity to explain I'd end the relationship.

Watchkeys · 13/09/2022 15:08

Everyone seems very focussed on finding out if he's having an affair; it doesn't matter. He lies to OP. He makes her feel guilty for focussing on her poorly parents. OP has admitted to having to 'Polyanna' her way through things. She needs to see that this is not a healthy relationship for her, regardless of this receipt.

LongLivedQueen · 13/09/2022 15:08

Watchkeys · 13/09/2022 15:08

Everyone seems very focussed on finding out if he's having an affair; it doesn't matter. He lies to OP. He makes her feel guilty for focussing on her poorly parents. OP has admitted to having to 'Polyanna' her way through things. She needs to see that this is not a healthy relationship for her, regardless of this receipt.

Of course it matters! As well as all that, it very much matters whether he is having an affair

middleofthelittle · 13/09/2022 15:10

@girlmom21

In my view he OPs situation has got to that point.

I would rather know who the person was, as it may not be this friend and have the evidence in black and white. If she wants to divorce at least she would know who it was and I think that would remove some paranoia over who the affair partner is.

If only handed the receipt he could deny until blue in the face that it was only a friend and the OP wouldn't know otherwise. I don't know if I could move on from that as the trust has absolutely gone.

It must be someone of importance to him to put the dinner above his family and wife, and lie to his wife.

Watchkeys · 13/09/2022 15:11

@LongLivedQueen

Righto then. OP should carry on as before, as long as he isn't having an affair. Great.

I'd say that she needs to leave the relationship anyway. It's the last in a long line of mistreatments she's been trying to brush under the carpet, and all of which are bad for her to stay around and put up with. Does he really sound like a decent bloke to you?

LongLivedQueen · 13/09/2022 15:15

Watchkeys · 13/09/2022 15:11

@LongLivedQueen

Righto then. OP should carry on as before, as long as he isn't having an affair. Great.

I'd say that she needs to leave the relationship anyway. It's the last in a long line of mistreatments she's been trying to brush under the carpet, and all of which are bad for her to stay around and put up with. Does he really sound like a decent bloke to you?

Do you struggle with reading comprehension? Try it again

roarfeckingroarr · 13/09/2022 15:15

That isn't much of you can afford it but the lie and avoiding doing things with you are big problems.

Have you talked to him?

Watchkeys · 13/09/2022 15:18

@LongLivedQueen

Don't tag or quote me again if you can't do it without a personal dig. Thanks.

TabithaTittlemouse · 13/09/2022 15:24

Do you know the ‘friend’?

Unforgettablefire · 13/09/2022 15:25

He'll spend £90 on a meal with a friend but go nowhere with you that would cost him.
He's making a fool of you especially if other people know about this.
Sorry but I really don't think she's a friend and they're both taking their spouses for mugs.

LongLivedQueen · 13/09/2022 15:29

Watchkeys · 13/09/2022 15:18

@LongLivedQueen

Don't tag or quote me again if you can't do it without a personal dig. Thanks.

That was not a personal dig, so I guess that answers the previous question.

If you don't understand what posters are saying, best to not tag them and respond to them.

Watchkeys · 13/09/2022 15:32

@LongLivedQueen

Stop tagging me.

LongLivedQueen · 13/09/2022 15:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Blueberrycreampie · 13/09/2022 15:35

He must have been out with her for a considerable amount of time anyway so what did he tell you he was doing that night - having drinks in a pub, doing a hobby, at a club? Sounds as if he's lost interest in your relationship, sorry OP!

Lindjam · 13/09/2022 15:47

I would be fucking livid.

So sorry OP but it does sound like an affair Sad

TabithaTittlemouse · 13/09/2022 15:56

@LongLivedQueen and @Watchkeys your little spat is quite cute.

Watchkeys · 13/09/2022 16:01

@TabithaTittlemouse

Thanks. Like a pair of 5 year olds! Sorry for the derail @JasonWaterfalls