TMI (Sorry) he can't orgasm

[OnTheGoAlways]

It's getting to me more than I feel it should. We're very early days, we've slept together a few times, and to me it's great, and he says it is for him. We get on very well and all the right feelings are there. We have discussed it, but he doesn't know why it's not happening. Everything else is great, but I've never been through this before.

All I'm asking really is, has anyone else been through similar? Did it eventually resolve itself and how did you feel?

Maybe he's overthinking to make a good impression as it's early days and that's cutting him off... And now it's been discussed, it's now a thing... Another thing to overthink.

Equally it could be medication...

Difficult as it is, try to take the pressure off.

Thank you for replying. I think it has something to do with making an impression and now it's happened a few times it's become an area of contention for us. I know I can't mention it again for a while.

Off all the things / parts that could go wrong, I didn't expect this!

Death grip? Medication like antidepressants?

I have had this with an ex. Turns out it was death grip. He had no issue orgasming by masturbating.
He wanked A LOT and watched a lot of porn.
It made me feel utterly shit about myself. The sex itself was great but the fact he never finished made me feel so awful about myself.

I've never heard of death grip?

Yes he orgasms from masturbating too, so, and I know this sounds ridiculous, I am almost jealous when he does it.

Porn, death grip is the usual reason.

Death grip is basically a desensitised dick due to excessive masturbation. A vagina can never compete with the level of stimulation that your own hand can provide.

The simplest reason for this situation is that he's used to beating it too hard/to often, possibly with the added effect of porn, so regular sex just doesn't cut it for him anymore.

If you're not sexually compatible, end it now. How nice he is, how lovely, whatever, just can't make up for it, and things will only continue to get worse until your self esteem is on the floor.

He doesn't speak badly about his ex, but it seems they were parting ways about 5/6 years before officially separating, and he mentioned they rarely slept together, so I can imagine he would have wanked quite a lot.

It's become a big issue to me, as it does make me feel a bit rubbish and clearly I have a fragile ego. If it doesn't resolve I will end the relationship I think. I'll maybe give it another month.

No one really talks about this stuff and my close friends haven't really experienced it in a relationship. Sex has always been something I have enjoyed and comfortable with, and I've never really felt incompatible with anyone like this.

Just for info: my understanding is the effects of death grip can be reversed. He would need to leave off wanking for a bit.

It's not having a fragile ego to want your sexual partner to be satisfied by you! Especially when it's all brand new. Do your ego a favour and don't carry on with him if it goes on for much longer otherwise it will shred any self esteem you have left.

OP, don’t listen to these posters. Death Grip is not real - it is a figment of the internet’s imagination seized upon and parroted with delight by the Mumsnet Hive Mind.

It is an absolute urban myth. There is absolutely zero scientific basis to it and no scientific support for it.

So don’t assume this stuff about your partner based on what people are telling you on the posts above. It’s not true and they don’t care.

A simple internet search disagrees. E.g:
www.forhims.co.uk/blog/porn-induced-erectile-dysfunction-pied

Hang on, would it be reasonable for a man to end a relationship with a woman if they'd had sex a few times, she could orgasm through masturbation, but hadn't yet during sex with him? Not sure about this advice to end it.

I've had partners who have taken various amounts of time to orgasm, from the sublime to ridiculous, and it's not been a reason to end the relationship. If you like him enough to be having sex with him, you like him enough to have a conversation about having sex. Drop the ego and see if you can work it out?!

I think the issue is that he needs to be open to discussing it, because this is the stage where they should be shagging away merrily with no hang-ups. I would worry if he pretended it wasn't a problem or refused to engage in the conversation.

Medication or nerves. Very very common side affect with a lot of antidepressants and other meds.
Does it take ages when he's nasturbatung? If so then most likely it's medication related.
Old partner of mine couod master ate for uo to an hour without release due to meds... He found it as frustrating if nit mroe so than I did. Talk to him about it

yes, I could write any old pish and post it on the internet, it doesn’t make my imaginings fact. Does it?

Ermmmmmm......what????

Ok, call it what you want.
IN MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE:
I had an ex that wanked an awful lot. A LOT. Including porn but it was mainly just excessive wanking. Which he was open about.
In our sex life, in a period of six months, he never orgasmed through inter course, only by masturbating.
Call it what you want, that was the reason.

I felt like shot and couldn't get over it.

How rude to say that just because several people are saying the same thing, that it's hive mind.

Wind your neck in.

I certainly won’t be “winding my neck in.” 😆

your anecdote doesn’t equate to fact either. Death Grip has no scientific basis or backing. None. That’s a fact.

@Westernesse I agree with you.

@Minikievs Or perhaps he just didn't fancy you anymore?

A quick look at all the men on reddit supporting each other through their no wank endeavours due to erectile disfunction at young ages shows death grip is very much a thing. And it's not exclusively a male issue either.

You go use an industrial stength vibrator several times daily for years and then report back on how enjoyable receiving oral or light strokes is after that...

He could be using viagra or similar, these drugs can make it difficult to finish.

Maybe not, no 🤷🏼‍♀️

I didn't say it was scientific fact. The OP asked if anyone else had experienced it.
I had, so I answered her question.

It could be any number of reasons for her partner. Maybe just nerves. For me, that's what it was.

The general term is Delayed Ejaculation , covers a variety of topics including nerves, meds, physical issues, physiological issues and a load more

www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/delayed-ejaculation/symptoms-causes/syc-20371358

www.nhs.uk/conditions/ejaculation-problems/

if you are both having a good time, don’t worry about it.