I can't do this anymore

[thatsamenightagain]

I know it's coming to an end.
Been tougher a long time . Our main issue is he still wants to have sex every single night without fail - even if he is in severe pain. I can't do it. I'm not even 40 yet but I just can't do it every single night. The more he demands it the less I want to do it. And so on. My sex drive is at an all time low. It's pretty non existent and it's little surprise.
When I say no he gets cold, distant, sulks, will usually go to another room to sleep there and then text me cruel and awful messages from there such as I'll find another woman, why am I such a mug, etc etc . And this is only after we've done it two days ago. God forbid there is a larger gap than one night. He acts and feels like the world is coming to an end. Feels unloved, unwanted, feels rejected and hurt etc etc.
We have built an entire life together with our three dc but I just cannot cope with this outrageous need for sex every single bastard night. It's driving me potty.

Feeling extremely low and know the answers but just wanted to put it out there. I was falling asleep and exhausted after a day spent with family , got in for 11, in bed for half 1 and now I am laying here in tears, he's gone to another room yet again, and I'm laying here thinking how long will I keep putting up with this

It's just a matter of untangling myself from this whole mess that's just so fucking hard

Thats why you have to stop engaging, as you are being drawn back into that place of entanglement and brain fog.

When you stop engaging you’ll see exactly who he is.

I know. My instincts are on high alert, I know he is barely holding in his rage at how unaffected I am appearing to him. It does scare me, I'm not going to pretend it doesn't. I can stand my ground but he is a man and much stronger than me.

please call women’s aid op because it’s going to get messy, the ball needs to be rolling now so things can be put in place quickly on a legal angle.

I'm replying to the messages @Closetbeanmuncher . I know I shouldn't but it's a way of playing along .

He said he's going to sell the house and close his business (eye roll) and move in with his parents!

I'm sure his parents will be glad to have an abusive, jobless son back in the nest, at his age. Not.

He's also said that I take the piss out of him, I'm cold as ice and Ive always played with his emotions.

Yes but you're an abusive, coercive, controlling arsehole.

🤷🏻‍♀️

In my limited experience OP, many married men turn into complete childish arses if a woman says they want to split- rather than just being very upset about it and wanting to understand what's gone wrong. You are hardly going to endear yourself to someone if you procede to totally rubbish them and call them names .

Crikey, yes !! That's exactly what he's doing. I KNOW he is scared shitless and I'm playing along with whatever bullshit plans he's making - he KNOWS i know and am playing along, so now that is playing with his emotions ! 😂

More like I'm calling your bluff and you don't like it pal.

Hooray for friends, OP, and for you seeing the situation (and him) clearly. Which can be enormously difficult when you're actually stuck in the bullshit.

Years ago my dad was diagnosed with a very aggressive prostate cancer and the consultant told him, "When you drive home today, you will pass many men who are in the same position as you but don't even realise it. At least you know, and can do something about it." That was 25 years ago, and dad is still going...

I think the same applies to you. You're in shock, you're in an impossibly shit situation, but life will get better from now on because you KNOW and you will find a way forward.

I do think it might be wise to find somewhere else to stay.

I'm now 60 and realise it totally takes two to keep a marriage working. It doesn't matter if one person wants to break because they've met someone else or they just no longer feel the same, you can't manipulate someone to stay and expect they will ever feel the same again- all you can do if you are the one wanting out is be as fair as you can , and particularly when children are involved.

Ugh. A man who wants you to have sex even when you don't want to.

There is nothing that turns me off more than a man who nags for sex. 2-3 nights a week is lots when you have kids.

And he sends you abusive messages about it and guilt trips you. No wonder you don't want to have sex with him. Vile sex pest.

It sounds like you're strong and you're doing well so far op.

Have you let any family or friends know what is happening, just in case you need to leave suddenly? And can you pack a bag to leave with a friend with any important paperwork/passports in it in case he tries to sabotage you?

Id also screenshot all of his abusive messages and email them to someone you trust so that a copy exists and he cannot try to delete/wipe them.

Just be really careful, it’s the most dangerous time for a woman when a men senses he is losing control. Also be prepared for him to get very spiteful.

Even any saying he feels unloved because you won't shag him on demand is just another manipulative tactic.

He's awful.

I had a FWB like this. I'm 2 and a half years free of it now. Sooo peaceful.

I hope you do leave him as soon as you feel you can. Please keep us informed as to how you're doing.

You need to keep this ball rolling OP.

Tell friends and get some rl support.

Please tell me you’re not the author of “he had fun In the shower” on AIBU OP???

With a name change.

@Closetbeanmuncher no I'm not ! What on earth was that about ?!

Jesus eewww just searched for the thread and didn't like what I read!

My hate for men continues to grow 😂

Ok just read more of the ops responses and she sounds very upset and humiliated, so I take back my laughing emoji. How horrible and hope she's ok.