Should I throw away my son's presents from family?

[Serpicoo]

My husband and I have a young son. Recently we have received presents and cards for him from my husband's estranged family. He has not been in contact due to them accusing another family member of sexual abuse which he doesn't agree with. The family member accused has died.
The family moved away after the accused abuse and my husband hasn't been in contact since.
My husband told me to bin the presents and cards, but my dilemma is what will my son think if and when he is old enough to have contact with family? How will he react to us knowing that we threw away his cards and presents?

felulageller,
My husband stayed with the accused after the breakdown of family. The rest of his family moved away not leaving an address. He did later find out where they had moved to but wanted no contact. The accused died not long afterwards. I met him some years later and accepted his story.
When we married none of his family were present.
They were not invited as he isn't in contact.
My in laws must of seen social media posts including my son. I have sneakily peaked at a member of his family and they seem to be happy normal types.

Because I wasn't around then so can only go by what information my husband has given me. Sexual abuse is a taboo subject, something I'm not comfortable talking about with my husband.

@Serpicoo

Are you starting to doubt his story? It sounds like you might be and you need to know that's ok.

You don't have to accept his version of events now just because you accepted them then.

It's very, very unusual for an entire family to believe abuse allegations and just one person to not believe them, to the extent they cut their family off.

@Serpicoo

Sexual abuse is a taboo subject, something I'm not comfortable talking about with my husband.

Gently OP, you should be able to speak about anything with your husband and father of your child, in order to keep that child safe and well and keep your relationship healthy.

I agree.

Tell him the truth...how about that?

Donate the gifts, don't bin them - so many kids would love them.

I just wish his estranged family had not interfered and sent cards and gifts. Everything was fine before all of this. It was just us and my family.

Well it wasn’t was it.

You can’t talk to him without arugument.

He didn’t discuss the possibility of a genetic disease with you before you had kids.

Whatever the true story is, is still happened. You just didn’t question it.

I suspect, thought, you are one of these people who will bury their heads on the sand even if it puts your own son at risk. So long as you can have the appearance of everything being ok.

You have a child OP! You should be able to talk about family history with the father of your child

Still think it’s ridiculous that you are more concerned about gifts than your husband protecting a potential abuser

This just sounds crazier and crazier to be honest.

Is this the first time the family have sent cards and presents?

It's a bit worrying that you're afraid of upsetting your husband and weird why he's telling you to bin the gifts and you worrying what your child will do or think in the future.
If your husband wants to bin them then let him and then let him explain why when/if the problem arises.

Bizarre.

This together with the fact he blames his family for the abusers alcoholism is more troublesome than whether your child should have a birthday present.

Fgs forget about the stupid gifts. Why would your son know about them anyway. Don't you as parents receive the gifts? And why would he need to know about people who isn't in his life? Are you not worried about the wider issue here?

Recycle the cards, donate the presents.

I have reported this thread.

A thread from an OP clearly trying to get a rise out of minimising sexual abuse. This particular post says it all.

Your child is not going to remember not getting certain presents op your making a big deal over nothing just donate them and keep the cards etc.

The fact you won't acknowledge or discuss abuse means there's a strong chance you wouldn't recognise it if it whacked you over the head with a sledge hammer.
As a parent you are doing your child a great disservice.
I have zero sympathy for you and the disruption of your little family unit, you need a wake up call and fast!

Are you joking?

'I wish I could just go about with my head in the sand'.

No one moves far away from someone they accused of abuse if they're lying.

You're married to a sex abuse apologiser.

You're married to a sex abuse apologiser. I would go one further.

If you are defending your husband’s disbelief of this paedophile, and are viewing the family as an inconvenience, then you are a sex abuse apologist.

Your son won’t give a shit about some cards and present. What he will care about is why his father protected a sex abuser and turned his back on a sex abuse victim and the family. And why his mother put up with it

I wouldn't worry about the gifts. Your child will be able to make up his own mind about his dad's behaviour when he's an adult and act accordingly.