CF Acquaintance turned up today despite refusing invite

[Grumpusaurus]

We live in a popular tourist destination and after numerous people took advantage of us, we nip it in the bud now. Most seem to follow the same script by contacting us out of the blue and mentioning that it would be so lovely to see us. I now answer in a very friendly manner that it has been years since we last heard from them and it would indeed be lovely to catch up over coffee in a nearby spot when they are in the area. This does tend to put an end to most of those potential CFs, however, one acquaintance pushed back and asked to stay with us at the beginning of September. I told her that this would not be possible, especially as we have a very tight deadline and will be working flat out to finish a commission. DH and I are self-employed craftspeople and sometimes we do work all day and most of the night to finish pieces and the DC stay at their grandparents during that last push. Not heard back from the acquaintance since July even though she clearly read my WhatsApp message.

The doorbell went this evening, I ignored it as DH and I were in the middle of working on our commission but someone kept pushing the bell. Our property is an L-shape so you can see from our workshop who is at the front door. CF acquaintance was standing there with a suitcase! DH is more of a people pleaser and while really cheesed off was about to answer the door till I told him no bloody way! He redeemed himself by immediately agreeing. The bell went a few more times and then got a flurry of WhatsApp messages, which I ignored. She eventually left after half an hour. I am almost bemused by the cheek of it but there is no way I am going to let anyone railroad me into being their free accommodation and greatly inconveniencing us, especially while we literally get up to work all hours and fall into bed. DH is fretting about her coming back but I told that we will just continue to ignore the doorbell. We have a back gate to a dirt track we can stealth like leave the property if she is holding a siege at the front door 😎 There are plenty of hotels and B&Bs in the area, albeit quite dear. Who does that! A rhetorical question but am just shocked by the cheek of just turning up after saying emphatically No!

Yes I am surprised that someone so CFery wouldn’t wander round the side / back and peer in the windows? And at the same time phoning to ask where you were?

I'm voting that OP and partner are ice carvers and do elaborate centre pieces for massive corporate events. They're just finishing a tricksy Harry Potter scene and cannot be interrupted.

I have been known to lie on the floor behind the sofa when people turn up unexpectedly, and pretend to be out.

A kindred spirit, I may also have done this. I felt slightly ashamed but it was better than dealing with who was at the door.

And a top tier award to the woman who actually moved and didn't tell her regular visitor.

What a silly cow.

I think you reacted the best way possible, to be honest. Answering the door to her would have made it much harder because she likely would have a sob story up her sleeve on the off chance you said no. People like her have no qualms about lying and manipulating people to get what they want.

I’d open the messages in a day or two and then not reply. And if you did bump into her in the street, I’d be telling her very plainly how fucking weird it was to show up at someone’s house uninvited with a suitcase and expect to stay, even more so when she didn’t even have the common decency to reply to your last message. I’d also be making sure mutual friends knew the truth as she’ll likely spin it that you arranged for her to stay and then left her abandoned.

Did I miss it ? What did the messages say ?

I love the idea of hanging this in your front window

Even if it was, OP lives in the middle of nowhere so I find it hard to believe that, for example, her car broke down just as she was going to stay at a hotel, and the car broke down within walking distance of OPs address… and she needed to bring her suitcase with her?

There’s also no emergency that exists that couldn’t be fixed from communicating with someone else (RAC, police, ambulance, etc). Her phone had charge and signal, she wasn’t in dire straits, here.

I just cannot get over the presumptuous nature of this woman. Not only to pack up and land at someone’s house uninvited, but to lie to friends to get her address? It’s such an invasion of privacy.

Mine too!!

Although you are in my eyes the ultimate hero, I do think yabu not to intend to open the door if she comes back today, because you know that mnetters love the drama. You are being incredibly selfish in not having even the tiniest doorstep argument that you can come back and report to us. 🤣
If I had to rate you, I would absolutely give you a 10/10 for amazing boundaries, but only a very tongue in cheek 5/10 for not bringing the drama! 🤣🤣

I want to commission you to make me something..: I’m so nosey. What on Earth are you creating?

And a top tier award to the woman who actually moved and didn't tell her regular visitor.

That reminds me of a post on an old CF thread, where the poster had bought a former holiday cottage and moved in, and then answered the doorbell one day to a family who said they'd booked to stay there.

Very unfortunate misunderstanding/miscommunication, BUT the holiday family then tried to make it the new owner's problem and insisted they should move out for the week (at their expense) so that a family of complete strangers who haven't paid her a penny can live in her family home for their holiday!

Until now, I've always assumed that it was shockingly disgraceful behaviour on the part of the previous owner, not to inform paying guests that the house had been sold, cancel their booking and refund their money.... but this thread has now made me wonder if it had actually been a commercial holiday cottage that they booked and paid for in the normal way, or a vague acquaintance's personal holiday home that some mega-entitled CFs assumed they could use at any time they fancied, without asking and free of charge, and were furious that their golden goose had now been killed. Domestic equivalents of Mexican House Thief, possibly.

Either that or they were even more brass-necked still and just turned up with their luggage and knocked on every door, gave the same fabricated angry story and hoped to find a doormat who would actually give in to their demands.

I think it must be gigantic, but intricate miniature railways!!! With little trees and rows of houses with lights inside.

🚂

Perhaps what is required here is
NO VACANCIES

"No junk mail, no salespeople, no canvassers, no charity fundraisers AND NO BRASS-NECKED CHANCERS WHOM WE BARELY KNOW WANTING TO TURN UP AND USE US AS FREE HOLIDAY ACCOMMODATION"

Did somebody ponder as to whether OP lived near Bath?

Has anybody seen news of a planned 'Angel of the South-West' to be installed at the side of the M5 before Christmas?!

I think it's the law that CFers have the hide of a rhino and a Queen Bee personality to go with it.

I'd love to know what the WhatsApp messages were and where she went next. She's probably got through a lot of 'friends' too and everyone she visits hides behind the sofa.

Thus is such a funny thread, thank you OP! And thanks also for 'my flabber is rather gasted" which I shall be using a lot myself from now on 😄

@NaturalBae yes having seen OP's later clarification that this is too distant an acquaintance to even want a catchup coffee with, I agree with you and withdraw my previous suggestion. I maintain that refusing to even open and read the whatsapp messages means the end of any friendship - but in this case there wasn't even a friendship to begin with, just CFery from the start!

It’s barely an acquaintance! She lifted the number from a WhatsApp group and tricked someone else into giving out their address.

did she ever actually send anything @Grumpusaurus ?

She's probably got through a lot of 'friends' too and everyone she visits hides behind the sofa.

We used to know somebody like this. Not an unpleasant person by any means, but one of life's takers, who just assumes that other people will pay/provide for her.

I actually pity people like this, as it must be such a sad life churning through people by using them as resources, until they inevitably realise what you're really like/up to and then leave you behind in favour of actual friends. Most people's life 'circles' are not infinite and you will get to a point where you've just about 'used up' everybody you come into contact with.

I really can't see how living your life like that would make you happy, as opposed to having normal give-and-take friendships, with friends who are delighted to see you and love to spend time with you.

I wonder how lonely and lacking in self-esteem many of them must be. I also think that some of them genuinely don't realise how everybody perceives them and only tolerates them if they can't avoid them. Who would want to live like that?

I once owned a large historic country house that came with new friends. It had a wine cellar and every weekend I was changing sheets and giving tours for free.
The absolute cf who asked for a tour at my mother's funeral took the biscuit.
We ended up using the paddock exit and it was interesting to see how many people dumped us when we lost our shirt in the recession of 2008.
Well done op for not answering the door.
Get that sign!

She comes to you as to us all, you're just waiting for the CF to call...

Only read the OP's posts.
You really don't need to have to justify why you don't want guests.
It's your home. You can be sitting on your arse reading Hello and it would still be OK to not want to host people in your home.

Are you likely to bump into her if you go to the local shop/pub/beach? I think it will be hard not to laugh at her CFery!

Just extraordinary. If someone did that to me I would answer the door and I would say it is not at all convenient for me at the moment as per my whatsapp.
They would not be crossing the threshold even if they were dying.
Mind you I am much older now and completely done with CFuckery in my life.

We made really good progress and are taking a quick coffee and phone break. Could only skim messages. We should really be more observant but alas cannot give CF’s colour of suitcase 😄 We have a small window facing the front door but you can’t really see much of the workshop looking inside. Windows on the other side are frosted and we have skylights. You could look into the rest of the house though if you walked around the main building, as it is pretty open plan. Don’t think she has turned up again but there were a couple of calls from numbers I did not recognise, possibly by CF but cannot say for certain, maybe made from a hotel as they weren’t English phone numbers.

DH reckons that she was probably hanging around for half an hour, sitting outside yesterday evening, searching for accommodation when she realised we weren’t in/opening the door. We are not near Bath and would not like anyone getting the wrong idea. CF was most likely driving a hire car, as we think that she flew to an airport about an hour and a quarter away and there is no train to the nearby two towns and sketchy bus transfer. The hotels close to us are pretty expensive, some of the cheapest rooms on the weekend are about €200 to €250 per night. CF earns good money from what I gather. We sold up and bought a big terrain with a dilapidated house, plus outbuildings including said large workshop and spent a while renovating it from scratch, camping over the years till it became habitable. Our close friends used to regularly come to help us with the backbreaking work and they are always welcome. We were thinking about possibly turning two small outbuildings into guest rooms but thought better of it as we really do not want to constantly host people. This is our home, not a holiday let.

Think some of you overestimated us a bit. Both DH and I used to be pushovers and people pleasers but learned eventually to put good boundaries into place. We ended up with a smaller but much closer circle of friends. We need to be really strict about guarding our time and energy which is our most precious resource. Both DH and I are not afraid to stand our ground but we are under immense pressure to complete our current project and any form of verbal confrontation does zap our focus and interrupts the flow of work. We aren’t really planning on going anywhere over the coming days, as we have plenty of provisions, as we will be working pretty flat out. DC will get back from PIL on Tuesday evening. I have absolutely no desire for anyone spoiling our little reunion.