CF Acquaintance turned up today despite refusing invite

[Grumpusaurus]

We live in a popular tourist destination and after numerous people took advantage of us, we nip it in the bud now. Most seem to follow the same script by contacting us out of the blue and mentioning that it would be so lovely to see us. I now answer in a very friendly manner that it has been years since we last heard from them and it would indeed be lovely to catch up over coffee in a nearby spot when they are in the area. This does tend to put an end to most of those potential CFs, however, one acquaintance pushed back and asked to stay with us at the beginning of September. I told her that this would not be possible, especially as we have a very tight deadline and will be working flat out to finish a commission. DH and I are self-employed craftspeople and sometimes we do work all day and most of the night to finish pieces and the DC stay at their grandparents during that last push. Not heard back from the acquaintance since July even though she clearly read my WhatsApp message.

The doorbell went this evening, I ignored it as DH and I were in the middle of working on our commission but someone kept pushing the bell. Our property is an L-shape so you can see from our workshop who is at the front door. CF acquaintance was standing there with a suitcase! DH is more of a people pleaser and while really cheesed off was about to answer the door till I told him no bloody way! He redeemed himself by immediately agreeing. The bell went a few more times and then got a flurry of WhatsApp messages, which I ignored. She eventually left after half an hour. I am almost bemused by the cheek of it but there is no way I am going to let anyone railroad me into being their free accommodation and greatly inconveniencing us, especially while we literally get up to work all hours and fall into bed. DH is fretting about her coming back but I told that we will just continue to ignore the doorbell. We have a back gate to a dirt track we can stealth like leave the property if she is holding a siege at the front door 😎 There are plenty of hotels and B&Bs in the area, albeit quite dear. Who does that! A rhetorical question but am just shocked by the cheek of just turning up after saying emphatically No!

You mention that you can see the front door from your workshop. Is the reverse true, in that the CF could see you were there?

What colour was the suitcase.

@Grumpusaurus you're not near Bath are you? Think I have guessed, if so, I absolutely LOVE what you do.

For those of you saying OP should have answered the door, let's remember that this was not an 'unexpected visitor'. It was a visitor who was told not to come.

I understand why you didnt open the door especially if you were busy and couldnt do without loss of time and work concentration.

I am amazed that they turned up...

Bet she'll show up at your door again.

I bet she comes back

Hilarious 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

What an extraordinary thread - and what a brass neck!

one acquaintance pushed back and asked to stay with us at the beginning of September. I told her that this would not be possible, especially as we have a very tight deadline and will be working flat out to finish a commission. DH and I are self-employed craftspeople and sometimes we do work all day and most of the night to finish pieces and the DC stay at their grandparents during that last push. Not heard back from the acquaintance since July even though she clearly read my WhatsApp message.

She will (pretend to) have chosen to interpret this as you saying how terribly sad that you won't be free to actively host her and pander to her every whim as a guest, however, she "understands that you're very busy, she won't be any trouble at all and will happily look after herself - you'll hardly know that she's even there".

All lies, of course, as demonstrated by the fact that she didn't even bother to reply to your original response and give you a chance to spell out the obvious to her - and if you had let her cross the threshold, she'd fully demand to be waited on hand and foot, in spite of her 'reassurances' - but that's what I fully reckon was going to be her MO.

"Oh, I didn't want you to worry unnecessarily in advance about looking after me when I come, there's no need to go to any trouble at all - it will just be lovely to spend some time staying for free in your house and eating all your food with you if you do get any chance for a quick break even though it wouldn't be any kind of break if you have to entertain me."

Always going from the pov that you want them to come as much as they want a freebie, so they 'find a solution' to 'your' problem.

In fact, she may well try to capitalise on the fact that you'll both be in your work area for so much of the time that your actual living area will be going unused, which would be 'such a waste,' so she'll do a bit of dusting and hoovering and keep it 'fresh' for you she won't, so that everybody wins!

CF's thrive on 'misunderstandings' that they always engineer and manipulate to suit them in getting what they want. I can't for the life of me understand how anybody could enjoy forcibly staying with people who very clearly don't want them to be there. Wouldn't it just be so very awkward indeed? I suppose it's all just water off a duck's back to them if it means they get a free holiday and/or save a wad of cash.

I'm more curious about what you both do rather than the next CF episode!! 😂

Ah , nice one op. CF's galore came out of the woodwork when we moved to Spain .
The most gobsmacking one had refused to visit us in our humble abode once her husband was made a partner in a firm of solicitors. Childhood best friend, we bent over backwards to help her out when her ex left her with 2 dc under 2 years old, used to have them stay every other weekend to give her a break, then she met her now DH and got delusions of grandeur. As SOON as she heard from another friend ( because she had ghosted me 6 years before) that we now lived in Spain she messaged TELLING us that she would be coming over in the summer to stay with us.
I took great pleasure in using telling her no 😀

I've read the entire thread. OP, it would be entirely unreasonable of you not to share the CF's WhatsApp messages and I am unanimous in this!

I personally think that your joint craft skills span a huge spectrum - all the way from holding your breath for half an hour and creating teeny-weeny little model villages inside the eye of a needle, right up to taxidermy elephants, as we've already established is one of the strings to your bow

Your re-purposed hangar is ideal for housing any of your wide range of commissions - big enough to hold two elephants or 348,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,006 model villages at any one time. I'm right, aren't I?

I don't understand why you didn't answer the door and tell her to Fuck Off.

I get that you have mutual friends, but surely you'd tell them about this and they'd agree with your response?

I really couldn't not confront her.

What if it was an emergency tho? I would have had to read the messages at least, replying always optional!

Being devil's advocate maybe she didn't get the "no you can't come" message that the op sent. I'm a doormat too nice and would have let her in and seethed for years about it. Tbh I wouldn't have had much choice because adult child with SN would have been shouting his head off that there was someone at the door and would have let her in himself if dh or I hadn't.

she wouldn’t even look at us with her arse at events.

I think that's joining my stock of favourite phrases.

As SOON as she heard from another friend ( because she had ghosted me 6 years before) that we now lived in Spain she messaged TELLING us that she would be coming over in the summer to stay with us.
I took great pleasure in using telling her no

You could always have welcomed her with open arms, let bygones be bygones, and 'accidentally' given her the wrong address at the opposite end of the country. The address of a hotel, if you're feeling charitable; the address of a huge council rubbish tip facility, if not!

Surely if you think you haven't had an answer to your message you check whether the other person has even received it, you don't assume the answer is Yes?

imagine lynda from the archers.

she would twist your arms and railroad you to geg what she wants. it's quite a specific skill I wish there was a school for that

What if it was an emergency tho? I would have had to read the messages at least, replying always optional!

She could call 999?

It can't be that much of an emergency if she had time to pack a suitcase! If it were an 'emergency', it would be a fabricated one entirely of her own concoction - such as she booked a hotel, but they mysteriously 'lost' all records of her booking and were already full or something like that.

Being devil's advocate maybe she didn't get the "no you can't come" message that the op sent.

OP said that she'd read it. Even if it had got lost in the ether and she hadn't seen it, any reasonable person would either have assumed the apparent lack of response was a passive aggressive 'NO!' or would have followed it up.

It takes a very special kind of self-assuredness to pack a case and travel somewhere without having any accommodation fully confirmed/agreed beforehand.

I've been known to offend people by booking a hotel rather than cadging a bed from them, because I really don't like staying in other people's houses. You've usually got to deal with the problems that go with sharing a bathroom, hearing your hosts snoring or vice versa, and worrying about getting up too early or too late and whether you'll offend them by offering to help with housework or cooking, plus all the etiquette around bringing a present, taking them out for a meal etc. A hotel just makes life so much easier.

Would she not have phoned you when she was stood on your doorstep rather than whatsapp?

Why don’t people think that not receiving/seeing a reply is the same as a no. Because it is.

What if it was an emergency tho? I would have had to read the messages at least, replying always optional!

What emergency would it be though?

And why not ring or text before she turned up at the door as it sounded like she travelled a far way to get there.

I would have ignored my phone when she was outside but replied a couple hours later to put an end to it asap.
She’s probably lurking around the corner waiting for them.

OP and her DH obviously aren’t good with face to face confrontation so they need to reply and nip it in the bud before she catches them in person.