CF Acquaintance turned up today despite refusing invite

[Grumpusaurus]

We live in a popular tourist destination and after numerous people took advantage of us, we nip it in the bud now. Most seem to follow the same script by contacting us out of the blue and mentioning that it would be so lovely to see us. I now answer in a very friendly manner that it has been years since we last heard from them and it would indeed be lovely to catch up over coffee in a nearby spot when they are in the area. This does tend to put an end to most of those potential CFs, however, one acquaintance pushed back and asked to stay with us at the beginning of September. I told her that this would not be possible, especially as we have a very tight deadline and will be working flat out to finish a commission. DH and I are self-employed craftspeople and sometimes we do work all day and most of the night to finish pieces and the DC stay at their grandparents during that last push. Not heard back from the acquaintance since July even though she clearly read my WhatsApp message.

The doorbell went this evening, I ignored it as DH and I were in the middle of working on our commission but someone kept pushing the bell. Our property is an L-shape so you can see from our workshop who is at the front door. CF acquaintance was standing there with a suitcase! DH is more of a people pleaser and while really cheesed off was about to answer the door till I told him no bloody way! He redeemed himself by immediately agreeing. The bell went a few more times and then got a flurry of WhatsApp messages, which I ignored. She eventually left after half an hour. I am almost bemused by the cheek of it but there is no way I am going to let anyone railroad me into being their free accommodation and greatly inconveniencing us, especially while we literally get up to work all hours and fall into bed. DH is fretting about her coming back but I told that we will just continue to ignore the doorbell. We have a back gate to a dirt track we can stealth like leave the property if she is holding a siege at the front door 😎 There are plenty of hotels and B&Bs in the area, albeit quite dear. Who does that! A rhetorical question but am just shocked by the cheek of just turning up after saying emphatically No!

Op has mentioned numerous times that CF has plenty of money, she never gave OP the time of day until she found out she lived in a popular tourist country. She was told THREE months ago she was not invited yet still turned up without further communication and now is slyly chatting to a mutual friend to find out OP’s whereabouts.

You seem to be a cheeky fucks dream ‘Friend’. You don’t realise when people are users and in it just for themselves.

You are being completely ridiculous, @shrunkenhead - get a grip.

CF wasn't a friend. She wasn't invited. She's disliked by the OP. She wasn't welcome. She's an entitled user. She's financially solvent, can afford a flight and a hire car so a hotel wouldn't be a stretch.

You need to get a grip.

She may not have had enough money for a hotel/petrol/ flight home. Desperate people do desperate things. I hope your friend is ok, OP. I get I'm probably overthinking but can't imagine why anyone would rock up on a vague friend's doorstep late at night unless they really needed help. And yes, I'm soft, as has been pointed out by prev posters.

Nope @shrunkenhead you've got the wrong end of the stick on this one.

She's wealthy, educated and determined. She bought plane tickets and hired a car. She's not a friend and someone who would happily ignore OP. OP has never shared her address with her. She ignored OP's reply 3 months ago.

She's not desperate she's just plain old rude as they come.

When OP didn't open the door she hopped in her car and went to stay somewhere else. She's fine.

I’ve been desoerate and in dire need, including an awful incident at 1am, which unlike 8pm is late at night.
At no point did I think I will book a flight and hire a car on the off chance I can get help from someone I barely know.
I went to someone who I actually knew and knew that I was welcome and In the same country.

Thinking about things more rationally, OP, this doughty, heroic traveller clearly desperately needs to make good use of your home - whilst you and your ungrateful DH are barely even using it, being busy all hours in your work hangar. There's every chance that her need will arise again in the future, sooner rather than later.

Could you maybe let all misunderstandings and awkwardness be water under the bridge, make amends and legally sign the living accommodation over to her, if it means so very much to her?

You and DH could easily drag a couple of airbeds into your enormous hangar and live there full-time instead. Everybody wins that way and the entire village can all join hands and dance joyfully in friendly merriment.

It's only fair, really.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll indeed. OP and her DH did leave her stranded after all.

This is the thread that keeps on giving 🤣🤣

CFs messages are deluded as she writes as if you had agreed she was staying with you. Brass neck of it when you were clear that No she could not stay with you. Or were you free for catch ups.. imagine paying for a flight then hire car and them Walking your suitcase up to an acquaintance's long path to their property when you've already been told No. then pretending they are just out and would love to have to impose despite already saying no 2-3 months ago?! The weird PPs saying what if she's escaping DV or desperate really haven't RTFT or even OPs posts!! This isn't even a friend...!

@Grumpusaurus
Im really glad that you've been able to vent and then laugh about her sheer CF and that you plan to speak to this well meaning but ditzy friend of yours that gave out your address to CF who you barely know!! I hope you tell her how it caused problems and an unwelcome uninvited visit and that she mustn't give anyone your address again (she can take a number and let you give your own address out if you choose!)

Would you like a digger @shrunkenhead ?

All that digging with your shovel must be killing your back by now.

imagine paying for a flight then hire car and them Walking your suitcase up to an acquaintance's long path to their property when you've already been told No. then pretending they are just out and would love to have to impose despite already saying no 2-3 months ago?!

To us boring non-CF folk, even the thought of doing something like that would bring you out in a cold sweat; but to a seasoned professional top-ranking CF (the Dalai Drama?!), putting yourself in a position of huge vulnerability is actually a great strength, as your intended marks then have no choice but to help you, otherwise they can be painted and shamed as really nasty people without a shred of basic dignity.

A starving person asking for a sandwich or a Happy Meal is always going to be more successful than somebody at a petrol station asking for contributions to fill their Lamborghini. Even if the person happens to be starving because they've already used their last tenner for a few litres of fuel for the hugely expensive car they clearly can't actually afford (and have parked out of sight around the corner).

The only guaranteed way to thwart them, as OP & DH have demonstrated so brilliantly, is to ignore them and completely refuse to engage. If you never let them get a little toe in the door to begin their tried-and-tested woe-is-me routine, they can do absolutely nothing about it.

I live in near the coastal area by a popular large area of natural beauty and having moved out of outskirts of London , have a large property driveway and land. We are downsizing soon so it will probably stop being an issue.

I can fully well believe how annoying it is when we're meaning friends and family give your address to CF people they vaguely know and suggest call you!

I've had plenty of good friends and (coming from a large) family who want to stay at mine.

I draw the line at people Who aren't close and more than one overnight visit (closest family can stay 2-3 nights) as it costs me £150 each time in extra food and 5+ hours each time of cleaning before and then afterwards for a weekend and I just don't have that kind of extra budget . It's not a "free stay", it's just that it costs me not them

Luckily none of my family or good friends are CFs. My parents turn up with wine and food when they stay as do close friends! And they go to shops and offer to cook

And on the few times a CF has managed to get past me and stayed they have gotten a "no, we're busy" in future.

I can't say much about my now adult DCs friends and partners as funnily enough my house is where everyone wants to "chill" and stay for dinner and maybe can they just sleepover (& stay all weekend..!) ! It got to the point where spontaneous unexpected friends were eating my dinner instead as I didn't have enough meat out for dinner already (I could do with losing weight but not by starving!) ... so it took a lot to start saying sorry DC I don't have enough out for tea for them so they can go home or you can pop to shops yourself.

I would be stuffed with a CF turning up though as my teenage DCs would let them in!! 🙈🙈

To us boring non-CF folk, even the thought of doing something like that would bring you out in a cold sweat; but to a seasoned professional top-ranking CF (the Dalai Drama?!), putting yourself in a position of huge vulnerability is actually a great strength, as your intended marks then have no choice but to help you, otherwise they can be painted and shamed as really nasty people without a shred of basic dignity.

I remember reading a study of sociopaths, & being surprised when the author asked a sociopath how he wanted people to see him & the answer was he wanted people to pity him, as it made it easier to get them to do what he wanted.

I love the idea of the 'Dalai Drama'.😂

I moved a while ago to near a popular tourist area - 40 minutes drive to the proper touristy places, which is probably enough to put the chancers off. But thanks to this thread, I am alert to the possibilities.

The only people we’ve had to stay so far have been ones we actually invited. One in fact, when we asked what they would like to do on the day they were with us (stayed 2 nights) responded with “We don’t mind - we’ve come to see YOU”

They can come again!

That’s super cheeky/& just plain rudeness. I’d have done exactly the same thing. Good for you! People eh 🤨

I have a vision of an entitled Edina Monsoon type character: alpaca poncho, oversized sun hat and shades, dragging her LV suitcase up your driveway, teetering along on ridiculous platform mules

See, when OP mentioned the CF spouting faux spiritual bullshit, the first person I thought of was Kate from The Archers. It's just the sort of thing she'd do...

🙄🙄🙄

She might have been on a boat that got shipwrecked and knew OP was local. She could have died.

… you can’t be too careful

She floated in on her suitcase .........

But was there room for Leo!?

She could have died.

She might already have died and actually be a ghost.... but then, she would most likely have used SnapChat rather than WhatsApp.

Plus, probably wouldn't need to hammer at the door to be let in.

But was there room for Leo!?

She certainly never lets go - not when she sniffs out a chance of free accommodation!

Shit. I hope the OP is feeling suitably awful. That poor, poor woman. All she’s been through. You know, it makes you think, doesn’t it?

This thread is getting really funny. 😂😂

I've lost track now.... Who's Leo??

@sleepygal I'm assuming Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic.