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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

CF Acquaintance turned up today despite refusing invite

910 replies

Grumpusaurus · 02/09/2022 01:04

We live in a popular tourist destination and after numerous people took advantage of us, we nip it in the bud now. Most seem to follow the same script by contacting us out of the blue and mentioning that it would be so lovely to see us. I now answer in a very friendly manner that it has been years since we last heard from them and it would indeed be lovely to catch up over coffee in a nearby spot when they are in the area. This does tend to put an end to most of those potential CFs, however, one acquaintance pushed back and asked to stay with us at the beginning of September. I told her that this would not be possible, especially as we have a very tight deadline and will be working flat out to finish a commission. DH and I are self-employed craftspeople and sometimes we do work all day and most of the night to finish pieces and the DC stay at their grandparents during that last push. Not heard back from the acquaintance since July even though she clearly read my WhatsApp message.

The doorbell went this evening, I ignored it as DH and I were in the middle of working on our commission but someone kept pushing the bell. Our property is an L-shape so you can see from our workshop who is at the front door. CF acquaintance was standing there with a suitcase! DH is more of a people pleaser and while really cheesed off was about to answer the door till I told him no bloody way! He redeemed himself by immediately agreeing. The bell went a few more times and then got a flurry of WhatsApp messages, which I ignored. She eventually left after half an hour. I am almost bemused by the cheek of it but there is no way I am going to let anyone railroad me into being their free accommodation and greatly inconveniencing us, especially while we literally get up to work all hours and fall into bed. DH is fretting about her coming back but I told that we will just continue to ignore the doorbell. We have a back gate to a dirt track we can stealth like leave the property if she is holding a siege at the front door 😎 There are plenty of hotels and B&Bs in the area, albeit quite dear. Who does that! A rhetorical question but am just shocked by the cheek of just turning up after saying emphatically No!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
RainingYetAgain · 04/09/2022 22:56

@kateandme Why would she think she had accommodation guaranteed when OP had said she couldn't stay, when she asked in July?

kateandme · 04/09/2022 23:04

RainingYetAgain · 04/09/2022 22:56

@kateandme Why would she think she had accommodation guaranteed when OP had said she couldn't stay, when she asked in July?

Oh I know. She wouldn’t.just be being a sap.wrongly she assumed she did though.

Scianel · 04/09/2022 23:05

when she thought she’d have something gaurenteed

Why would anyone think that after explicitly being told no months before?

Maireas · 04/09/2022 23:05

Is CF now staying with flaky friend?
Why didn't she just turn up at hers instead of yours if she knew her before you?

Original poster
Grumpusaurus · 04/09/2022 23:08

This does seem to happen at some point during threads. Suddenly, a herd of doofuses enter the arena who come out with bizarre scenarios and weird justifications for blatant CFs. Have we entered some twilight zone…? 😂

OP posts:
Qik · 04/09/2022 23:10

CF has probably gone to Mexico. But at least OP, CF was not the wife of Brian from Hull with Brian following on later.

Original poster
Grumpusaurus · 04/09/2022 23:11

Maireas · 04/09/2022 23:05

Is CF now staying with flaky friend?
Why didn't she just turn up at hers instead of yours if she knew her before you?

CF called friend who lives in the UK. Friend messaged me after CF obviously did not mention her CFuckery to find out where I am via friend.

OP posts:
ScrambledSmegs · 04/09/2022 23:11

Grumpusaurus · 04/09/2022 23:08

This does seem to happen at some point during threads. Suddenly, a herd of doofuses enter the arena who come out with bizarre scenarios and weird justifications for blatant CFs. Have we entered some twilight zone…? 😂

It's because you're confident in your responses and have clearly delineated boundaries, whilst being a woman. Not sure why that upsets some people but it does.

marcopront · 04/09/2022 23:16

@Qik
@Grumpusaurus

Not sure why you have directed those comments at me?

Sorry I tagged the wrong person.

Original poster
Grumpusaurus · 04/09/2022 23:17

Qik · 04/09/2022 23:10

CF has probably gone to Mexico. But at least OP, CF was not the wife of Brian from Hull with Brian following on later.

CF's Yoni probably headed to Monaco...

OP posts:
BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 04/09/2022 23:24

I tend to think of responses on MN as a bell curve. I always ignore the outliers, I think of them as data anomalies rather than honest opinions.

Original poster
Grumpusaurus · 04/09/2022 23:27

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 04/09/2022 23:24

I tend to think of responses on MN as a bell curve. I always ignore the outliers, I think of them as data anomalies rather than honest opinions.

For some reason that amused me and spot on!

OP posts:
SleepingAgent · 04/09/2022 23:52

StClare101 · 03/09/2022 05:17

I always feel the need to close things out so in another day or so I would respond saying something like “I rarely open WhatsApp in the middle of a project. I’ve just seen your messages. Scroll up to see my last message to you which said we wouldn’t be available. Have a lovely holiday”.

This but I wouldn't bother with the last line, cos I wouldn't mean it Grin

SleepingAgent · 04/09/2022 23:52

StClare101 · 03/09/2022 05:17

I always feel the need to close things out so in another day or so I would respond saying something like “I rarely open WhatsApp in the middle of a project. I’ve just seen your messages. Scroll up to see my last message to you which said we wouldn’t be available. Have a lovely holiday”.

This but I wouldn't bother with the last line, cos I wouldn't mean it Grin

Cowhen · 05/09/2022 07:36

There was no miscommunication here. CF KNEW she did not have an invitation. We can be certain of this because:

  1. OP told her she couldn't stay with them back in July.
  1. CF had had no contact with OP since July--not letting OP know that her tickets had been purchased, not giving OP an ETA of when she would be at the house, not letting OP know how long she planned to stay, not asking if there was anything from the UK that OP wanted her to bring. Oh, and not saying 'Thank you! Looking forward to seeing you.' These are all things a person with a legitimate invitation does.

CF's plan (after being told no) was to simply show up and bully/guilt OP into giving her a free place to stay. CF's sense of entitlement and confidence in her bullying skills were so great that she actually flew to another country after being told no. If CF had to sleep in her car, or pay for an expensive hotel, that is the natural consequence of her behaviour.

sueelleker · 05/09/2022 08:34

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 04/09/2022 23:24

I tend to think of responses on MN as a bell curve. I always ignore the outliers, I think of them as data anomalies rather than honest opinions.

I do the same with Amazon reviews; ignore the "wonderful" and "dreadful" comments, and look at the middle range.

MillyWithaY · 05/09/2022 08:41

I have a vision of an entitled Edina Monsoon type character: alpaca poncho, oversized sun hat and shades, dragging her LV suitcase up your driveway, teetering along on ridiculous platform mules 😄

I'm a bit open mouthed about some of the CF tales shared on this thread. We have friends and family in tourist areas but always book our own accommodation when we visit. A friend once said - it's lovely to go away with others but always have your own front door, and I totally agree, whether that's a hotel room door or a holiday cottage door.

CherryGenoa · 05/09/2022 09:01

I think that you’ve handled it perfectly. Well done for avoiding distraction and getting your work done. My parents live in a popular tourist area and have dealt with it by moving to a small place without a spare room. Wish they could attend better to their own needs and learn to say no to people!

Emotionalsupportviper · 05/09/2022 09:57

in January you generally walk around in a T-shirt

NEWCASTLE!!!

You're in NEWCASTLE!!!

😅😅😅

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 05/09/2022 10:07

the simp in me feels slightly bad imagining a woman in a foreign country and having to find somewhere to stay,when she thought she’d have something gaurenteed.

Not really any different from assuming you have guaranteed transport as you're counting on being able to steal a car from somewhere close to where you end up. In most places, you can't even guarantee that there will be a taxi available for hire, unless you've already pre-booked it.

She's an adult: adults usually understand that, if they're told assuredly that something they want is NOT available for them, that doesn't somehow magically mean that it's 'guaranteed'.

KettrickenSmiled · 05/09/2022 10:08

shrunkenhead · 04/09/2022 20:14

I'd be worried about leaving a lone woman stranded on my doorstep at 10 oc'clock at night.

"Stranded"?

She is an adult who managed to get herself to said doorstep.
She can equally well get herself away from it.

Somethingneedstochange · 05/09/2022 10:09

My late mum used to come round at tea time either to mine or my sister's. She was retired by then though and living alone. So wouldn't want to cook an evening meal for just herself. She used to say ooh what are you cooking. Then can I have some.😂😂😂 I'm sure she got more pleasure eating at our's or my sister's with her grandchildren than at home alone. Was only an extra plate so didn't really matter to me. She always fed my friends when we were growing up.

KettrickenSmiled · 05/09/2022 10:12

shrunkenhead · 04/09/2022 21:41

@sunglassesonthetable but then she'd have to sleep in her car. Ok at this time of year but not in January etc, she'd freeze to death!

In what universe is the woman obliged to sleep in her car?
Do you not know how chain hotels operate? Even if she's had to drive to the nearest big town or motorway, she'd find a bed.

And why are you speculating about January? Are you the CF, planning another attack on OP's fortress?

shrunkenhead · 05/09/2022 10:27

She may not have had enough money for a hotel/petrol/ flight home. Desperate people do desperate things. I hope your friend is ok, OP. I get I'm probably overthinking but can't imagine why anyone would rock up on a vague friend's doorstep late at night unless they really needed help. And yes, I'm soft, as has been pointed out by prev posters.

BMW6 · 05/09/2022 10:32

You again shrunkenhead!!

Give it a bloody rest, you are completely away with the fairies on this one!

For the love of God STOP WITH THE NONESENSE