CF Acquaintance turned up today despite refusing invite

[Grumpusaurus]

We live in a popular tourist destination and after numerous people took advantage of us, we nip it in the bud now. Most seem to follow the same script by contacting us out of the blue and mentioning that it would be so lovely to see us. I now answer in a very friendly manner that it has been years since we last heard from them and it would indeed be lovely to catch up over coffee in a nearby spot when they are in the area. This does tend to put an end to most of those potential CFs, however, one acquaintance pushed back and asked to stay with us at the beginning of September. I told her that this would not be possible, especially as we have a very tight deadline and will be working flat out to finish a commission. DH and I are self-employed craftspeople and sometimes we do work all day and most of the night to finish pieces and the DC stay at their grandparents during that last push. Not heard back from the acquaintance since July even though she clearly read my WhatsApp message.

The doorbell went this evening, I ignored it as DH and I were in the middle of working on our commission but someone kept pushing the bell. Our property is an L-shape so you can see from our workshop who is at the front door. CF acquaintance was standing there with a suitcase! DH is more of a people pleaser and while really cheesed off was about to answer the door till I told him no bloody way! He redeemed himself by immediately agreeing. The bell went a few more times and then got a flurry of WhatsApp messages, which I ignored. She eventually left after half an hour. I am almost bemused by the cheek of it but there is no way I am going to let anyone railroad me into being their free accommodation and greatly inconveniencing us, especially while we literally get up to work all hours and fall into bed. DH is fretting about her coming back but I told that we will just continue to ignore the doorbell. We have a back gate to a dirt track we can stealth like leave the property if she is holding a siege at the front door 😎 There are plenty of hotels and B&Bs in the area, albeit quite dear. Who does that! A rhetorical question but am just shocked by the cheek of just turning up after saying emphatically No!

Don't worry, the tech for this site is being held together by chewing gum.

You sound pretty calculated if your clever enough to not open messages and have a game plan I am sure you don’t need Mums net to resolve this . Be straight up with the person rather than ask on here

MN is so much more than just a magical oracle to which you turn in desperation.

Some people find strength, support and reassurance in sharing their experiences with others, even if they don't actually need any practical advice or other input to enable them to find a resolution.

Some find themselves thrown into bizarre circumstances that are highly amusing, very disconcerting or often a weird balance of both.

Some just enjoy the sense of community and camaraderie when life takes a jaw-dropping twist.

In short, MN is not a COBRA meeting or a UN emergency task force - it's just ordinary people's everyday life in all its many facets and turnings.

We said no to the pool, no to the cable but did say he could park the night on the drive. His wife was mortified as she didn’t know it wasn’t planned. They had three very small kids so I would have felt a bit of a cunt turning them away. I wound up feeding them all too, of course. He put us in a very awkward position but seemed truly oblivious. My H was cross with him (he’s his friend) but we didn’t really feel we could turn away the kids and the inside-out-with-embarrassment wife.

Now I’d say no at the phone call. He’s tried it since, by the way.

It is exactly as @hop321 says. Friends see us a place they can stay when they fancy it (and some seem to think it’s doing us a favour and would be lovely for us?! It’s sooooo much work which they seem capable of ignoring) but no one ever invites us to stay with them. It’s really shit as they’re obviously clueless as to their own rudeness but I’ll be honest, I’m not sure how to handle it without it resulting in the end of the friendships.

It's getting like it's a crime to bring some cosmopolitan joy into the lives of unwelcoming people out in the sticks without people thinking the worse. I'm sure they probably said 'feel free to drop in, it would be lovely to see you'.

Fair enough. You couldn't turn them away.

OP wasn't asking for advice or expecting MN to resolve it! She dealt with it and was sharing the story as she couldn't believe the audacity of the wannabe visitor and it has kept many people entertained for a couple of days

Friends see us a place they can stay when they fancy it (and some seem to think it’s doing us a favour and would be lovely for us?! It’s sooooo much work which they seem capable of ignoring) but no one ever invites us to stay with them.
This is very familiar and I know lots of people in holiday areas have the same experience. Different with dear friends or family but some people are just oblivious and frankly it’s a huge drain on time and money if they’re not your loved ones.

Anyone else wishing the OP would just read the CF's messages to put us out of our misery see how she reacted when they didn't answer the door?

You sound pretty calculated if your clever enough to not open messages and have a game plan I am sure you don’t need Mums net to resolve this . Be straight up with the person rather than ask on here

Oh take a break. . Don't think OP 'needs' any 'help' from MN. It's passing the time for her.

And she's been straight with the person. " "No we're too busy". Didn't you read TFT?

A screenshot of the messages has already been posted

Anyone else wishing the OP would just read the CF's messages to put us out of our misery see how she reacted when they didn't answer the door?
@Youaremysunshine14

She posted a screenshot earlier.

Friends see us a place they can stay when they fancy it (and some seem to think it’s doing us a favour and would be lovely for us?! It’s sooooo much work which they seem capable of ignoring) but no one ever invites us to stay with them. It’s really shit as they’re obviously clueless as to their own rudeness but I’ll be honest, I’m not sure how to handle it without it resulting in the end of the friendships.

Whe it happened I me I accepted it was the end of the friendships. If my only value to them was to provide a free base for a holiday, it was no loss. I had a tiny one bed attic flat with a limited amount of small furniture in it. People wanting to visit, lovely. Happy to show them the sights, host a meal and go out for the evening with them. People wanting to bring their 6ft+ 15st husbands, 3 DC and a dog to stay for the weekend, not so much. They'd have had to sleep on the floor for a start! There was a chain hotel I could see from my windows, no reason people couldn't stay there.

It's getting like it's a crime to bring some cosmopolitan joy into the lives of unwelcoming people out in the sticks without people thinking the worse. I'm sure they probably said 'feel free to drop in, it would be lovely to see you'.

what you think CF was arriving to bring some "cosmopolitan joy" into OP's life? In the "sticks"?

Did I get that wrong? @Zilla1

It was about 8 texts in 20min all saying "where are you?" in increasingly stroppy ways. Crazy. Who does that?

This happended to me too. I'd actually had my second baby at home and CF turned up in the afternoon. We gave her a cup of tea but she stayed. And stayed. Eventually she left after midnight.
She had a habit of turning up at suppertime on Friday "on my way from the supermarket". In the end we took to going out on Friday evenings with all the children and she did eventually stop coming.

I really really want to know how these CFs in these anecdotes ever get themselves to the point where they think their behaviour is okay. It's fascinating.

I really really want to know how these CFs in these anecdotes ever get themselves to the point where they think their behaviour is okay. It's fascinating.

And me! What is the the actual thought process?!

Who do you think said "feel free to drop in it would be lovely to see you"

Everyone who has told stories of CF has not said anything like that.

Oh I missed that. I thought OP hadn't opened them.

I do wonder if some of the behaviour is a hangover from growing up in enabling families. I know we had random people stay loads as a child, often for weeks at a time, and would give lifts to absolutely everyone. I genuinely thought it was normal and now absolutely cringe at the thought of some of the things I did because I thought they were ok as a much younger person, and because I would happily have offered the same favour or did a favour I saw as equal back. It's been an adjustment learning that not everyone is as happy to put themselves out for others as my friends and family were, purely on the basis of passing it forward.

Cosmopolitan joy @Zilla1 ? You joker.

We’re not yokels, we live on a very famous stretch of Sussex beach… 😆 And I imagine the artist OP is as cosmopolitan as they come…

I'd be worried about leaving a lone woman stranded on my doorstep at 10 oc'clock at night.

More or less than you'd worry about being the sort of woman who turns up on the doorstep of strangers who've already told you not to come?

She wasn’t stranded she drove to their front gate.

😂😂😂Christ on a mountain bike! That reach could touch the summit of Mount Everest!

If Cf turned up in hell, Satan would flee, pounding on the pearly gates, begging for sanctuary.