CF Acquaintance turned up today despite refusing invite

[Grumpusaurus]

We live in a popular tourist destination and after numerous people took advantage of us, we nip it in the bud now. Most seem to follow the same script by contacting us out of the blue and mentioning that it would be so lovely to see us. I now answer in a very friendly manner that it has been years since we last heard from them and it would indeed be lovely to catch up over coffee in a nearby spot when they are in the area. This does tend to put an end to most of those potential CFs, however, one acquaintance pushed back and asked to stay with us at the beginning of September. I told her that this would not be possible, especially as we have a very tight deadline and will be working flat out to finish a commission. DH and I are self-employed craftspeople and sometimes we do work all day and most of the night to finish pieces and the DC stay at their grandparents during that last push. Not heard back from the acquaintance since July even though she clearly read my WhatsApp message.

The doorbell went this evening, I ignored it as DH and I were in the middle of working on our commission but someone kept pushing the bell. Our property is an L-shape so you can see from our workshop who is at the front door. CF acquaintance was standing there with a suitcase! DH is more of a people pleaser and while really cheesed off was about to answer the door till I told him no bloody way! He redeemed himself by immediately agreeing. The bell went a few more times and then got a flurry of WhatsApp messages, which I ignored. She eventually left after half an hour. I am almost bemused by the cheek of it but there is no way I am going to let anyone railroad me into being their free accommodation and greatly inconveniencing us, especially while we literally get up to work all hours and fall into bed. DH is fretting about her coming back but I told that we will just continue to ignore the doorbell. We have a back gate to a dirt track we can stealth like leave the property if she is holding a siege at the front door 😎 There are plenty of hotels and B&Bs in the area, albeit quite dear. Who does that! A rhetorical question but am just shocked by the cheek of just turning up after saying emphatically No!

She was actually quite vague about length of stay but I had gotten the feeling that it probably would have ended up longer as she mentioned some events nearby that are later in the month.

When the kids were young we lived for a while in a large Victorian house in a nice area.A hippy couple who were related to my husband announced they were coming to stay for a while to visit family in the area. I had never met them but knew they were freeloaders as they had borrowed a family heirloom and sold it.
Husband told them they couldn't stay as we had no room but later that day I spotted them driving up the lane and having a good look at the large property.
They then contacted an elderly relative who lived alone in the next town and said they would stay with her.They invited us all to meet them in a lovely local restaurant.We had a pleasant evening but when the bill came they said nothing and my husband ended up paying for it all.
They stayed with the lady for a week and let her drive them everywhere but paid for nothing.

Ew

I am Australian, but lived in the Netherlands for 9.5 years with my DH and three (then) little kids. The number of CF’s who contacted me to inform me that they would “base” themselves at our place for months on end while they “did” Europe… some even giving me flight numbers, expecting me to collect them from Schiphol which is on the other side of the country to where we lived…. (Usually late pm or stupidly early too…) Some were even people I had never met who had been given my details by my CF mum or DB. They had often made plans counting on this and to be told that there was no time or room frequently involved them informing me how to rearrange my plans and discombobulate my kids to accommodate them was astounding. ie, “If you you just put all the kids in one room, we can all fit…” Uh no. We didn’t live in a castle. Just a teeny, one room wide, typical Dutch house with teeny rooms. Nobody would have been able to sit in the lounge room either. People simply don’t take no for an answer easily.
My mum had the hide to tell me off for embarrassing her a few times too!

Well done OP!! Looking forward to seeing if she turns up again. It's baffling how some people choose to be so oblivious

Reading all of these absolute shockers, makes me realise that our CF is just the tip of the iceberg and in the scale of things almost moderate. They all too often get away with it because most of us have been conditioned to be nice and polite.

I'm so invested in this now OP. Please update if CF tries again 😂

Shut uuiuuup. This isn't true

Surely nobody's this fucking cheeky ???? 🤯

I live in the uk, and the amount of times my mum has said that some friend of hers or another had a child (young adult) wanting to move to the uk, and perhaps I could take them in or at least set them up and be responsible for them for a while, I’ve always refuse to even know if the came and where to exactly

I have spoken earlier in the thread about this- living in a tourist area. But I agree about the total lack of reciprocity. We put up friends of my ILs 4 years in a row so they could attend an arts festival near us. One year after sending them a christmas card (and being a nosey bugger) I googled their address and discovered they live in a manor house (and considering they always turned up at ours in a Bentley I assume they could have probably paid for a Premier Inn).

Another friend of my DH's has consistently used us when he is in the area for work. Never put his hand in his pocket for even a bottle of wine and I finally twigged why he would take the receipts when we went out (and we usually paid) was because he was rpesenting them as expenses fradulently. Last year DH was in his area for a consultant's appointment and asked if this friend minded if he stayed for 1 night. Never asked before. DH took wine, flowers and took his friend, wife and two kids out to a restaurant and paid for the lot. I was actually quite angry about this as I calculated we had put this friends up for a total of about 30 nights over the years and he'd never even once bought us a meal (never mind brough a bottle of wine). I have actually put my foot down on that one and told DH I don't want to see this person in my house again. (There are other reasons for it as well- he has form for being quite rude to me as well).

So yes we are complete doormats. I have had enough though.

My measure these days on whether to say yes to people is based on how much work they will be to host. I have cancer and my spoons are very limited. Some people like my brother, Liz Vicki an old friend living in Silicon Valley are always welcome. I’m happy to provide a bed and breakfast. B,it they need to find their own supper.

I once had friends visit before I was I’ll but was commuting to,London daily so out of the. House from 6-30 to 8pm. I’d said they were welcome to a bed but couldn’t provide an evening meal. I came home for a week to find them lined up on the sofa loooking expectant. Every night. Grrr. Now I say no or am very blunt about what I can and cannot offer. One evening I had to work late so I emailed. I didn’t know get home til 9pm. I ate a sandwich on the train. They were like oh but dinner… I made some pasta…

what does CF mean in this case, I’ve always thought of it as close friend but maybe you mean cheeky f’.,.,er…

Kazibar yes Cheeky Fucker (we can swear on MN)

Although I always read it as Cunty Fucker in my head.

@Grumpusaurus can give masterclass to peeps here on MN. Not opening the door takes courage and I learnt that not every message deserves a response. Thank you for giving the best thread to read!

Hope your commission gets the recognition it deserves. You guys are clearly passionate about your art.

I am so impressed by your ability not to engage with this CF!

It wasn’t unkind. I was poking gentle fun, which the OP knows. Don’t waste your time getting offended on other people’s behalf.

And re the saucer of milk, I think Austin Powers had it first, circa 1997.

i envisage a silent craft as the CF would have heard hammering etc…

Yep, as I posted on the Edinburgh festival thread, we had a random person come stay with us for 3 months, with new bf in tow. She used to send him out of their room to talk to us...all we'd said after chatting with her whilst on holiday was if you're ever up our way, get in touch.

This was in the early days of internet, so no MN and we couldn't work out a way to remove her as she was pretty young and I couldn't see her out on the street, regardless of bf/cfuckeryness.

Boundaries!

I’m going to join in. We live in a super popular ‘DFL’ tourist spot. We also have a few holiday cottages and a swimming pool and the amount of people (everyone from vague acquaintances to vague branches of the family) ask to stay for free, for days on end, bringing their many destructive children in the process and expecting the full holiday cottage experience (the loss of income plus cleaning and laundry expenses don’t seem to occur to them). I’ve no issue in saying no now, but I was blindsided so many times.

A good one was when a supposed University friend, who we’d not seen in years, turns up with his entire family in a camper van, with an hour’s notice, asking to stay. When we said no (our cottages Al had families in), they asked to sleep on the driveway and run a cable into the house and still use the pool.

And another one was when a family member asked to stay and we thought they wanted to see us, but then when they were here invited all their friends to our home, without telling us, to have a pool party.

I’m pretty much not shocked by the audacity anymore.

What did you say to the cheeky bloke with the camper van?

There's so many of these CFs about, I'm amazed! It stands to reason that a few of them at least must be on Mumsnet. I wonder if anyone reading this thread thinks to themselves 'hmm, I've behaved like that'... or doesn't it work like that?

Do CFs know they're CFs or are they able to rationalise it all to themselves?

To my shame I once contacted my uncle on the other side of the world and suggested I could stay with them for far longer than would be polite. I think I had an entirely different idea of the kind of property they had and that I could just work my way or something. (They basically had a house with land and horses). They politely wrote back that I could stay for a week and we had a lovely time in the end, sightseeing etc. I share a hobby with his partner, so we were able to do that too for a few days. I do cringe when I think of my first email.

you would leave your luggage at the hotel before visiting?

Well done on not opening the door.

I learned that there is another level to this though, when a religious group knocked at next door neighbours house, waking him after a night shift. I did warn them not to......

Next level up (as witnessed) is; open the door, shout "fuck off" really loudly and slam door.

I can vouch that it really works.

Mistaken post? Can’t see the relevance….