CF Acquaintance turned up today despite refusing invite

[Grumpusaurus]

We live in a popular tourist destination and after numerous people took advantage of us, we nip it in the bud now. Most seem to follow the same script by contacting us out of the blue and mentioning that it would be so lovely to see us. I now answer in a very friendly manner that it has been years since we last heard from them and it would indeed be lovely to catch up over coffee in a nearby spot when they are in the area. This does tend to put an end to most of those potential CFs, however, one acquaintance pushed back and asked to stay with us at the beginning of September. I told her that this would not be possible, especially as we have a very tight deadline and will be working flat out to finish a commission. DH and I are self-employed craftspeople and sometimes we do work all day and most of the night to finish pieces and the DC stay at their grandparents during that last push. Not heard back from the acquaintance since July even though she clearly read my WhatsApp message.

The doorbell went this evening, I ignored it as DH and I were in the middle of working on our commission but someone kept pushing the bell. Our property is an L-shape so you can see from our workshop who is at the front door. CF acquaintance was standing there with a suitcase! DH is more of a people pleaser and while really cheesed off was about to answer the door till I told him no bloody way! He redeemed himself by immediately agreeing. The bell went a few more times and then got a flurry of WhatsApp messages, which I ignored. She eventually left after half an hour. I am almost bemused by the cheek of it but there is no way I am going to let anyone railroad me into being their free accommodation and greatly inconveniencing us, especially while we literally get up to work all hours and fall into bed. DH is fretting about her coming back but I told that we will just continue to ignore the doorbell. We have a back gate to a dirt track we can stealth like leave the property if she is holding a siege at the front door 😎 There are plenty of hotels and B&Bs in the area, albeit quite dear. Who does that! A rhetorical question but am just shocked by the cheek of just turning up after saying emphatically No!

And wow! So even after she left, she fully still intended to come back later. Good thing you did completely ignore her.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.
She isn't your friend, you owe her nothing.

I couldn’t resist replying.
I put something like;
“Hope you had a lovely stay in Populartouristplace. Surprised you came to see us. Told you we had a work project on so wouldn’t be around. You know what it’s like when you are working! Still next time you’re down we’ll definitely arrange to meet up somewhere.”

As much as I'd love to see more messages from her, the best thing is to not respond. Leave her on read. She's a plonker of the highest order.

I really can’t understand why you aren’t replying!

You know that by not replying she’s going to keep turning up!

Send one message to say that you are unavailable this week which you told her about and that you’ll let her know when you’re next in her area to have a catch up.

It's a shame your trip fell on the week we were so busy!

I wouldn't even say this, as a weapons-grade CF like this woman would choose to interpret it that any other week would/will be ideal for them to come and stay with you - and you have as good as invited her to do so.

It's the same as if they asked to borrow £10,000 and you said there's no way you could lend them that much; they wouldn't take that as "Sorry, no loan available", as most non-CFs would, but would instead take it as your firm agreement to give them a loan (which they may well have no intention of ever paying back): it's just a matter of negotiating down to see how much you can give them from a deliberately high opening gambit.

Like door-to-door window salespeople, CFs are expert at resolving any 'problems' for you, that prevent them from getting as much as possible from you. Stonewalling them with the old repeated 'No, that doesn't work for me' or just 'No' is the only way to stop them from taking any ground from you. They force you into being rude to them, otherwise they will capitalise on the slightest sign of perceived weakness.

That truly would be “keeping it real”. However, I’d ignore her, not block her, so that in future I would be aware of any other possible situations I may need to know of in advance, should she decide to announce any other shameless acts such as the unexpected and uninvited turn up out of the blue 🤦‍♀️. It would also demonstrate you stand by your actions rather than hide away from them which blocking her could be perceived as being.

How rude!! (Not you)..

I don't like people turning up unannounced even if they are just popping in! I would have ignored it too, it's your home!

I’d continue to ignore, OP.
Also definitely don’t listen to the advice along the lines of ‘I would love to see you or meet up with you next time’!
Or I guess you could reply now and say, “sorry I missed your messages until now. We’re currently unavailable , just like I told you in my reply to you in June. Take care”.

Yeah, I personally would get some closure on the situation by replying in a polite way that makes clear that you said you were busy. Puts all the responsibility on her.

Otherwise it kind of turns into you both being a bit weird by you just ignoring her.

I think this thread has turned into an ‘ask grumpus’ agony aunt column 😂

But she ignored their response and boundaries,

CF is definitely in the wrong, but I would reply once just to say 'hi, we already told you we were busy,' and then ignore any further messages. Leaves absolutely no room for misinterpretation and OP can put it behind her.

The OP isn't ignoring the CF. She is simply prioritising appropriately. The CF will be responded to when the more important things are dealt with.

Don’t forget this woman is an aquaintance, not a friend. I think the OP never even gave her her number, she got it from a WhatsApp group chat. And someone else gave their their address. Why shouldn’t she let things get weird? She doesn’t owe this stranger anything.

OP what is a 'turd storage container?'

It doesn’t matter what CF says. People who know @Grumpusaurus know that’s not like her and they will know CF as the PITA that she is.

let cf say whatever she wants. It’s a lie and she’ll be caught out if she really pushes is.

it’s the worry of what others will say that the CF uses as their primary weapon.

This is brilliant!

OP what is a 'turd storage container?'

I'd like clarification on this too. Does it mean a thunderbox or similar for housing turds or is the container itself made from/shaped to look like a great big sirreverence?

This.

Absolute silence tells this CF everything.

You can't argue with silence.

numerous people took advantage of us, we nip it in the bud now. Most seem to follow the same script by contacting us out of the blue and mentioning that it would be so lovely to see us

I wonder how many times this has actually happened. That “numerous” people in your life a) have your number b) know where you live c) close enough to ask to stay with you and you say yes

i suspect a little hyperbole in the op

She comes across as the type who will take a mile if you give her an inch, so I wouldn’t reply. No matter the tone of your reply it will probably be interpreted as you being willing to communicate ergo you must also be willing to let her come round. I mean, you’ve already very clearly told her that staying at yours wasn’t an option and she ignored that - so she will probably ignore future messages too.

All the well-meaning (and clearly very nice) people suggesting a reply along the lines of 'shame we missed you, would love to catch up next time you're in the area' are missing the very obvious fact that the CF WOULD take this as an invitation to come again.

She actually IGNORED the 'no, you cannot come' response, FFS!

The OP isn't ignoring the CF. She is simply prioritising appropriately. The CF will be responded to when the more important things are dealt with.

Which would be fine if OP didn’t need to hide in her house.

CF is obviously going to keep coming back, which is fine if that’s what OP wants but I think it came across as though she didn’t want a face to face confrontation.

So that means OP is going to be worrying that CF is going to turn up again or bump into them in the shop.

I would have nipped it in the bud straight away. Or at least a couple of hours later.

It doesn’t sound like it’ll make any difference. I’d happily ignore too and enjoy my weekend