Opposite sex close friend

[October03]

Should I be able to be ok with my husband having a close female friend? This is a new friend, they text regularly, go to karate twice a week and go cycling twice a week together. I am really struggling with this, am I being immature?

Unfortunately yes he has been untrustworthy and we have worked really hard to rebuild with marriage counselling and individual counselling but this feels like it is quickly undoing the progress I thought we had made

His behaviour is an insult to you OP. Four nights a week away leaving you to do all the childcare while he spends close personal fun time with another woman.

He’s betraying your trust.

Some people in life are cunts op, they will take advantage of you and use you whilst deceiving you with words of love.

You are too trusting of this man's nature, he is inherantly selfish and I do not think you will be rewarded for your efforts in the long run.

Start putting yourself first.

Thank you

Honestly you clearly don’t trust him so I think that’s the end of things I’d say

one of my closest friends is a guy from work i met 3 years ago and I see him maybe twice a week sometimes more outside of work ! We go to a gym class together and we go to gigs and the pub and stuff

same as you op hard to do things together because of childcare

so we do separate things with other people
my Husband doesn’t mind and I don’t mind him going out either With female or male friends.

so either get past it or split I think -

Even if he were the most trustworthy person in the world nobody, including him, can know her motivations.

im also a firm believer in “who gives a shit what other people think”, even though it’s much easier said than done, but in this case what other people think about your husband’s behaviour affects you and your family.

Yes, I agree, nobody is allowed standards. Your inky allowed to have a problem with this if you actually catch them in bed. Anything less is lack of trust and intrusive. You should do all the childcare and facilitate him going on dates, not get in the way

I think the difference is that my husband would not be ok with me having male friends and the double standard makes this arrangement difficult. I don't completely trust him, he has been unfaithful (some years ago) and I don't want to punish him forever for it but it does change my boundaries

There’s nothing wrong with having opposite sex friends, but given the hugely excessive amount of time he’s spending with her, his track record and his refusal to address your concerns despite his history, then I am sorry OP but at the very least he is having an emotional affair.

Don’t kid yourself about this.

Let it settle and then decide what you want for your future.

Also he sounds like he leaves you to do all the work while he hones his body beautiful. So a twat on at least two fronts.

@meloonhead how is thay what you got from my post 😂 I said none of that - if anything the poster should be going out equal amounts separately to her husband if childcare’s an issue and they can’t go out together.
I never suggested she stay home and facilitate him going out all the time

are people suppose to just stay in together all
the time if they can’t get a babysitter

You said she doesn't trust him (her fault, it's all innocent, poor guy can't catch a break). Then gave an anecdote about yourself to justify opposite sex friends even though it's not about that🤷🏼‍♀️

Exactly!

I wonder at what point the spouse is allowed to object to these sorts of friendships @Fupoffyagrasshole. I think you're a bit defensive because you are likely the female friend in these situations. But this scenario is beyond a normal friendship, hopefully not liek you and your male friends. At the very least, it's an excessive amount of time together at the expense of his family in this case

If you don’t trust someone then you don’t be with them is what I mean - it’s pointless you will spend your whole life worrying about who they are with what they are doing.

the having a friend of the opposite sex isn’t the problem here was my point of my story - it’s the fact he has obviously done something before to make her not trust him so yes that’s his fault

but I don’t know why people try and fix these this no matter what he does forever she will never trust him again and what kind of life is that. Unless he comes home everyday and has no life outside of her and the kids she’ll be on edge.

It's difficult to do things together cos of childcare? Except he doesn't have any childcare issues it seems. And the correct solution is that he does something 2 nights a week while you mind the kids, then YOU do something 2 nights a week while he minds the kids. 4 nights out of 7 doing hobbies, when you don't have opportunity is taking the piss regardless. Get yourself a personal trainer....a male one. Or get yourself a bike and a babysitter and join them on their rides. Given he has form no wonder you are anxious.

@Fupoffyagrasshole ”no matter what he does forever she will never trust him again and what kind of life is that. Unless he comes home everyday and has no life outside of her and the kids she’ll be on edge.”

it’s not a matter of “no matter what he does”, he’s acting in a way that is deeply disrespectful of OPs attempts to rebuild trust, and absolutely taking advantage (or is oblivious to) her self awareness about seeming controlling. It’s not nice.
And I’ll add that I come home every day and spend the evening with my wife and children, because I’m not Peter Pan, I’m an adult with kids to raise.

This would be a huge NOPE from me. Even if they are not having an affair it's not on.

There’s nothing on it but I wouldn’t let ANYONE have a look at my phone

Why not?

We will happily answer each others phone if it rings and they're not around.

Do you get to go back it four times a week with a friend while he looks after the kids?

That screams out to me more than the friend thing

This is either a troll thread or you’re naive. Of course a dp suddenly socialising with a new female friend regularly, texting all the time etc is suspicious.

All the best op,

It’s an invasion of privacy .don’t get answer someone’s phone surely the reason they didn’t answer the phone is they weren’t there and they can ring them back
each to there own but I like and respect other peoples privacy

I'm the same but if I'd previously cheated on my partner and had a new opposite sex friend who I wouldn't let them meet I think I'd have to be a bit transparent to prove myself

He is having an affair in plain sight! You are minding the children while he goes off having a nice time with his new best friend. You didn't trust him before and you can't trust him now. What would life without him look like?