Texting question

[nawsfckrlengrelgn]

If a person received a message asking 'how are you?' and their response was 'sorry, I meant to text you at the weekend but was busy' - how often would you think they were in contact usually?

I have absolutely no idea.

Im guessing this slow response is a change in previous texting style/comms and was not expected?

Every 6 weeks or longer. My best friend and I often have this conversation.

The apology combined with reference to the weekend seems to suggest at least weekly? If it was every few weeks wouldnt you say, 'sorry, been meaning to text you but been busy'.
Overthinking it but the first text asking 'how are you' popped up on DH's phone with zero history of previous texting thread with this person.

No, it may mean that it crossed their mind to text at the weekend after several weeks/months of no contact but then didn't for some reason. You're overthinking the words.

I'd possibly be concerned about the lack of history unless your dh is someone who usually deletes messages.

I would need more context, but just from that it sounds like a normal friendship where they're in regular contact really
Why are you asking?

I disagree about the frequency OP but the lack of conversation history would be the issue for me. Does he normally delete his messages?

it’s difficult to say from just this exchange. What do they have in common? Is there any reason for them texting on this particular weekend? They might be in touch regularly or not but have agreed to contact each other over last weekend because it’s after something/ before something etc.

Sorry just saw the replies, at first my phone only showed your question with 0 answers.

So your husband was asked how he was and he replied saying he meant to text at the weekend?

If so, yes it's strange it was deleted, but it sounds like a conversation I'd have with a friend I was in contact with regularly but not every day, rather than a relationship, I don't think you'd say that to a new partner, you'd be texting a lot more!

He doesnt normally delete messages but when I asked him why it was a new thread he said that he must have deleted it.
I'm leaning towards him having a second phone which he kept at work and he moved the contact onto his normal phone because he knew he would be away from work for a time. He denies having a second phone.

If the woman is the woman named as the contact, they have little in common AFAIK. An acquaintance colleague who left two years prior.

That's quite a leap op, is there anything else to suggest something's going on?

The deletion would ring alarm bells for me too, but the content didn't seem overfriendly (granted there's only that 1 message to go off).

Just to get it straight:

Her: how are you?
Him: sorry, was meant to text at weekend but was busy

If I've got that correct, then he has been in recent contact with her. No one could say for sure the frequency of the contact.

His reply is not a normal response to how are you? From someone he hasn't spoken to in a while (Unless the text is longer and you haven't shared). And the 'apology' suggests there was an expectation of contact that wasn't met.

Does it mean he's having an affair and you should LTB - no, does it feel a bit off - yes.

No real signs of an affair. Not going out anywhere new. But about six months prior to this his messaging style to me seemed to change overnight. Very few messages to me, often short responses and lack of emojis. In person with me he's been fine though apart from just the once when he became visibly irritated at me, which is so unusual for him it was really noticeable.

@somethinggotmestarted yeah you are right. Asking someone 'how are you?'

You'd reply 'been good thanks ..' or whatever?

He was interpreting the 'how are you?' as 'where are you/why havent you texted me'. I think. Which explains the apology.

You really do seem to be making some leaps here. You've gone from a mention of the weekend with no other supporting changes to accusing him of having a second phone at work? Even if they were in regular contact it doesn't sound like relationship level contact does it? "How are you" doesn't sound like the sort of thing a lover who has been ghosted for a week or so would say?

No, it doesn't sound like the sort of thing a lover who has been ghosted would say. But it does sound like the sort of thing someone would say if they knew that the messaging had to be kept secret from the OH and there was a chance the OH could read it.

Absolutely making leaps.

Perhaps you should go through my phone. Unless your are someone I'm in daily contact, half my replies to folk are, ohhh I've been meaning to text you. It generally means I've been a crap friend and too busy to bother for months

This sort of creation of fantasy situations doesn't happen in healthy relationships. Either he's having an affair and lying, or he's not, and you're obsessing about a simple 'How's it going' message from a mate.

Where is all this drama from? You can't be loving and stable aside from this, there's got to be more to make you feel suspicious than one text.

He's lying about something.
I asked why she was messaging him. He said he didn't know but that maybe she was lonely.
After this brief exchange he appeared to ghost her for weeks. Then she randomly pinged a message one evening when we were together and he looked at the notification, put his phone down, looked noticeable uncomfortable, then read it about 5 minutes later.
I would just like to know who she is. All I have is her profile photo.

If he doesn't know why she was messaging him, why was he planning to message her at the weekend?

I'm leaning towards him having a second phone which he kept at work

That escalated quickly!

So you do not know this woman? She's not someone you was aware in his life as a friend?

Why would he needed to have text her at the weekend unless there is usually repeated communication. It sounds a bit sus. If you knew this woman and knew she was a friend then I would say not to worry but it's the fact she is an acquaintance from two years ago and you didn't know your husband was in regular contact with her that seems a bit suspicious

Why does it matter?

You're definitely overthinking this

This is convoluted. To summarise:

First ever message from an acquaintance colleague who left two years ago asks, 'how are you?'

His reply starts with an apology and says he had been meaning to text her at previous weekend.

OP assumes that the 'how are you?' question was not the first message from this woman and that either the previous thread had been deleted or the thread had not been on that phone before (i.e. a second phone exists).

He denies having second phone. He suggests he had deleted messages but he's not sure? (So, he indirectly confirms that this was not the first message from this woman).

He's also not sure about why she's messaging? He suggests because she's lonely? As PP states, why would he have been meaning to message her if he's not sure why she's messaging him?

There's incongruity here.