Texting question

[nawsfckrlengrelgn]

If a person received a message asking 'how are you?' and their response was 'sorry, I meant to text you at the weekend but was busy' - how often would you think they were in contact usually?

Ionia not overthink. Her intuition is telling her something and she should pay attention to that. Neither she nor us know what is going on, but something is off. I absolutely see where oP is coming from. Itnis a terrible feeling.

Yeah I would be suspicious. Same text popped up on my partner's phone without any previous texts. I know there was something going on. 7 months later it all came out hehad a fling with a friend.

I had the same sort of issue as you OP the other day. An old girlfriend of my DH's who I had actually mentioned on a post on here, randomly? phoned him the next day after I had posted. He scuttled off upstairs to take the call in private. I heard him say 'I was worried about you' and they had a 5 minute conversation, ending with him saying 'I'll be in touch'. Like you I asked why on earth she had suddenly resurrrected herself from the swamp after NC for some years, he couldn't explain and said no idea. A conversation ensued as you might imagine.

Thank you @Purplepeople12 for understanding my meaning and intent.

To be clear, I have nothing but empathy for those people who have been hurt emotionally, mentally or physically by someone they should be able to trust. However this forum especially attracts those people by nature of the ptopic area and subsequently the support received. This brings about it a bias, whether intentional or unintentional. Not a dig or a judgement, just an observation.

Perhaps it's better to talk to people who have experienced something similar to what you're going through, though @baileys6904 ? So rather than taking other people's experience with 'a pinch of salt', as if they're too damaged to be relevant, it might be the case that they are the best people to give advice?

This is the problem about this part of mumsnet

You say you're not making a judgement; why are you referring to people basing their advice on their experiences as a problem? You could equally have said 'The advantage of this part of MN is that people have a lot of experience in the area being discussed' Can you not see the difference, in terms of seeing it positively or negatively? And can you not therefore realise that what you said was a negative judgement?

@Watchkeys pretty sure I didn't say to take things with a pinch of salt firstly. I don't dismiss people's hurt on here, only understand there is a disproportionate number of them on here, due to the nature of the forum.

I think the issue you have with my post is this bit 'This is the problem about this part of mumsnet, unfortunately the people that have discovered it are mostly people that have been hurt in the past and come here for help. There's such a huge bias which then becomes normalised.'

The problem I'm referring to, is the bias, not the people. Their experiences have unfortunately gone one way, whereas that same experience in a more generalised audience may have resulted in another. Some people can project, and again that's said with no judgement or malice, and most if not all don't mean to have their hurt affect others. It just means there's a bias

This is utterly ridiculous. Just because your friends don’t text asking ‘how are you’, you loftily proclaim that it’s not something friends do and go on to suggest it’s a code for something else. Seriously? You realise that how you and your friends interact is not necessarily how everyone else interacts with their friends, don’t you?

"How are you" doesn't sound like an out-of-the-blue / stand-alone message.

If you haven't been in touch with someone for quite some time would your opening message be that? It's a bit abrupt?

Also DH's reply - again if it was really out of the blue wouldn't it be more along the lines of "hey what a coincidence I was just thinking about messaging you at the weekend"

I think the initial message is meant to look innocuous, just in case it's spotted (by you) but it's simplicity is what makes alarm bells ring.

Your spidey senses are tingling for a reason...

It's definitely an affair. Trust me

Really? Because that's almost exactly what I messaged someone with whom I used to work on Wednesday. I added "Morning". Had meant to text him for ages and realise it had been six months. Perhaps it was abrupt but it was an opening text. We are not, as far as I know, having an affair.

I also sent a response to another friend along the lines of "I meant to text you over the weekend". Because I had and I forgot to. Also no affair.

Did you send the 'how are you?' text?

@girlmom21 😂 no I did not ffs

Maybe I'm wrong and I hope so. Sorry