This has made me feel uneasy

[Vincethepince]

My DH said if we ever split up, he wouldn't rule out saying a 17 or 18 year old. This has really not sat right with me. He says if they were mature enough, he wouldn't let their age put him off! He is really not fussed about it, he says he would not actively pursue a 17/18 year old, but if they clicked he would go for it.

Would this make you feel uncomfortable? It really has not sat right with me but I dunno if IABU

He wasn't coming across creepy

Yes, he was

It's predatory and wrong. A 17/18 year old would still be school age. What on earth would a 30+ year old have in common with a school girl? As PPs have said it's a massive imbalance of power. The fact that it might be legal is simply a technicality. It doesn't make it right. My exh had some views about women that made me very uncomfortable but that I let slide and he turned out to be an abusive misogynist. I would take this seriously.

The only man I knew who said the same was absolutely not a good person.

He dumped his first ex for 'being an old woman' at 30, then started working his way to younger every time - 25 (dumped at 29 'for getting old'), 22 (same), finally got himself a 19 year old when he was 45 , said his ex should be grateful it wasn't one of the 15 year olds he 'could have had' when his eldest was 16, and left a trail of traumatised, abused and damaged women behind him, most believing that they were used goods and past their sell by dates and his ex terrified for the safety of their children's friends and desperately thinking back to whether there had been any incidents that hadn't been reported.

It's a definite ick-making comment and attitude.

It's definitely left a sour taste. It's definitely 8power imbalance thing that makes it worse. I just can't imagine him ever having anything in common with a girl that young!? What would they even talk about. I know this will sound ridiculous to some of you but it's really left me feeling weird!

@NeverDropYourMooncup that's horrific

Cool username by the way. Unfortunately I could have done with reading it a few weeks ago when I had a nasty accident in a public toilet 😬

A dating site did research and found most men's preferred age for women - regardless of the man's own age - was 22.

So, 18 yo men preferred 22 yo women.
25 yo men preferred 22 yo women.
35 yo men preferred 22 yo women.
45 yo men preferred 22 yo women.
65 yo men preferred 22 yo women.
75 yo men preferred 22 yo women.

🤢

it’s not like he’s said god I fancy teenagers

To me, it sounds like that's exactly what he said. He's not going to go out with someone he didn't fancy.

Yeah telling your wife you could imagine dating (sleeping with) a 17 year old is just wrong however you try to rationalise it.

@MineIsBetterThanYours

31 vs 18 is only 13 years gap. Would you think it’s weird fir a 30 yo yo go out with a 43yo? Probably not

Because this isn't about an arbitrary number of years. It's about the absolute power imbalance and inequality of life experience between a 17/18 year old and a 30 year old.

There will be people comjng onto the thread saying they had the same age gap and it all worked out fine. And that's their experience, of course.

But it doesn't make it any less predatory for an adult with more than a decade of adult life experience to date someone who could be in sixth form.

So comparing it to a 30 and 43 year old is nonsensical.

You think "most" men of 31 would want to date a 17 year old? A sixth former?

Any blokes who did that in my friendship group would be absolutely shunned for that because it's embarrassingly predatory and gross.

A man in his 30s would happily date a schoolgirl? Not acceptable as far as I'm concerned.

Sadly yes I do, nothing men do surprised me, see the chart I posted if men in their 50s see a 20’year old as their ideal age then yes I believe they absolutely would go lower given the chance!...

@FlyingSaucerss

Because they would really tell you 🙄 carrying on kidding yourself but most men would if they could.

Why do you think you know what 'most' men 'really' want and think more than anyone else?

If most men you know would want to shag a 17 year old then you don't know many decent men.

So you'd date a 17 year old boy now you're an adult? Really?

The chart speaks for itself. Men in their 40/50s say 20 year old is their ideal age for a woman, carry on being naive.

@FlyingSaucerss

Even the chart you're showing and keep referencing doesn't say what you're saying 😂

You're showing a data source to prove a point then extrapolating a further unproven point from it.

Anyway, I'm sorry most of the men in their 30s you know would happily shag a sixth former.

Best of luck.

🤦🏻🤦🏻🤦🏻🤦🏻 Most men regardless of age would go for women of around 20 I’m saying if a 50 year old would go with a 20 year old I’m sure he would also go for an 18 year old as it’s not much difference but carry on pretending you don’t know what I mean, obviously don’t want to admit your husband would go with an 18 year old given half the chance! 🤣

When I was younger I used to like older guys. My experience was mainly that they would use me physically, but not be interested in a real relationship with me.

I understand what you mean @Vincethepince , it comes across as a bit sleazy.

Not one bit surprised you are uneasy OP.

That would give me the Ick.

I associate controlling men with large age gaps.

And this study, 20 was the youngest they could pick.

wow that’s seriously creepy .

How gross, he’d happily date a child? Skeezy.

So how the hell do they know the girls they are looking at are actually legal age ! Do they think they have some magic radar that tells them when a girl is a woman and not actually a girl

if this is true that men prefer younger what age is their limit and do they only limit it because of the law

As someone who was sexually harassed by older men from age 10 / 11 I find this is the biggest question I’d be wondering

I know very young girls who look much older

You must know some really scummy men, I think it’s you that needs to stop kidding yourself.