First time poster here - really looking for a female opinion please :-) Apologies for the long post.
I have been with my DW for 17 years and we are both in our 40s. We have 3 children. Our sex life was good for many years up until we had a second child, then my DW just wasn’t interested. I could understand it at the time as we had one child after another, so it was a tough time balancing the two children and working etc. However, as time went by and the children got older it didn’t get any better, my wife never instigated it, and I didn’t want to push too much so it happened very rarely (once / twice a year). Apart from that the marriage was great. Then when my second child was around 5ish it was getting easier, and we both decided that we would like a third. I did say something along the lines of “for a third we will need to have sex more often and if you are happy to do it for a child then why can’t we do it more normally?” She agreed that it wasn't fair that that side of the relationship had been overlooked and promised it wouldn't happen again. So we threw ourselves into non stop baby making which we both enjoyed.
However, after my DW became pregnant It soon stopped and never got started. My youngest DD is now 5 and despite trying for the last 5 years it’s just not really happened or very rarely. I do bring it up a few times a year and I just get “Stop going on about that” or various excuses. I have suggested we can go for counselling / therapy etc. I have asked if she still fancied me and does she want to be with anyone else - she said no and that she still fancied me. My DW works part time , I work full time from home so I try and help her as much as I can.
I am a very hands-on dad, I do all the school runs and most of the homework with the kids. I spend my lunch breaks preparing dinner so when my DW gets home at around the same time as the kids there is dinner on the table. I take the kids to clubs, put them to bed etc. I often take all 3 out on a weekend to give my wife a break. I am the main breadwinner and pay for all the bills and the many holidays we have a year – we are very lucky. I can’t physically do anymore. I dedicate my life to the kids and family. I feel like I am being the best husband and father that I can be. But….I just want that special thing and its just missing! It makes my life complete, it’s something I need. The need to feel wanted, the passion the excitement! Without it I feel down, unwanted, jealous of others – why me? what am I doing wrong? am I rubbish in bed? I love foreplay / oral sex etc so hopefully its not that! I even feel slightly used that after the third child I have perhaps “done my job” and that’s it! I have been as patient and understanding as can be. Unfortunately we don’t have much childcare so we only get a few weekends a year child free so I always try to make sure it’s a special time. Last one was a long weekend in Ibiza!
Where do I go from here? is that it now for life? I would be grateful for any thoughts and advice!