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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

To think this is pretty lame of DP and to be pissed off

121 replies

arthurormartha · 13/08/2022 18:53

So for context DP has always been a total drama queen about the heat IMHO.

OK I get that a lot of people really struggle with it. I don't, personally, I love heat (although today has been bad even for me). But I know people have very different thresholds and I try to be respectful about it.

But DP basically shuts down when its too hot. He has to lie around with a wet towel over him all the time. Can't eat, can't leave the house, can't do anything other than lie in bed. Has to sleep in weird places at night and carries a fan with him everywhere. I'm superficially sympathetic but I actually think at some level that he overdoes it and could reign it in a bit. He's perfectly capable of going to work in it so he can manage outside work. Yes its unpleasant but I don't think its a justification for having to go to bed for three hours like a Victorian woman with consumption when the temperature goes over 20 degrees.

We don't live together but we're together four days out of seven. Our relationship is generally really good, we've been together four years. Absolutely no reason I can think of why anything could be up (obviously you can't know for sure but nothing I'm aware of).

I'm going on holiday tomorrow for five days. He was supposed to come over tonight (as he always does on Saturdays unless we go out) and I was going to cook. I messaged him earlier in the afternoon to ask what he wanted to eat. I didn't hear from him for about four hours and he's just messaged to say he's "too hot" to come over or to eat and will have to lie down in a darkened room until its cooler and then might think about coming later.

I've told him not to bother, I'll see him in a week.

It's always possible there's something up which he hasn't told me but I really don't think so. I think its just another fit of the vapours about the heat and he can't face coming over.

AIBU to think that if your partner is going away you make the bloody effort even if its a bit uncomfortable?

OP posts:
OutDamnedSpot · 13/08/2022 18:58

Ugh. That’s given me the ick without even knowing him.

BlueKaftan · 13/08/2022 18:58

You are being unreasonable and unsupportive. I’m shocked you don’t understand that his health is more important than your holiday.

ofwarren · 13/08/2022 18:59

I'm basically doing what he does right now. I hate it and just cannot function at all.

enjoyingscience · 13/08/2022 19:00

Urgh, yes, he is being ridiculous. Unless there’s some massive drip feed coming about why he is so fragile, an ordinarily healthy person doesn’t need to do that.

arthurormartha · 13/08/2022 19:00

BlueKaftan · 13/08/2022 18:58

You are being unreasonable and unsupportive. I’m shocked you don’t understand that his health is more important than your holiday.

There's nothing wrong with his health though. He's just hot and lazy and can't face going outside.

OP posts:
Acheyknees · 13/08/2022 19:02

My DH is like this, he's so irritable on summer holidays, I've stopped going away with him. Any ideas of sitting on the hotel balcony watching the sun go down are well and truly dashed as all doors, windows and blinds must be drawn while we sit inside freezing our backsides off with the air con on full. Total fun sponge

Topseyt123 · 13/08/2022 19:05

He is being ridiculous. I wouldn't be impressed.

FloydPepper · 13/08/2022 19:06

arthurormartha · 13/08/2022 19:00

There's nothing wrong with his health though. He's just hot and lazy and can't face going outside.

Are you going to say that to the poster who said she feels the same?

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 13/08/2022 19:11

So your partner has always struggled with the heat. You don’t usually but are today so have you thought about how he feels today?

Justcallmebebes · 13/08/2022 19:12

Couldn't stand this. Does he ever go abroad? How does he cope then?

girlmom21 · 13/08/2022 19:12

He's an absolute tit. Why didn't he invite you to his?

arthurormartha · 13/08/2022 19:13

@FloydPepper

I don't know... maybe its a lack of empathy on my part but I do think he needs to get over this intense drama about it. I do understand finding it very hard in the heat of the day. But its 7pm and its much cooler now. All he had to do is jump on a train for 15 minutes and he can then sit under a fan at my house and drink water to his heart's content.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with his health. He just would rather not have the discomfort and tbh I feel like if he can't put himself out of his comfort zone for 15 minutes to see me there's no point.

OP posts:
arthurormartha · 13/08/2022 19:14

Justcallmebebes · 13/08/2022 19:12

Couldn't stand this. Does he ever go abroad? How does he cope then?

We're meant to be going abroad later this year. TBH I'm actually wondering if he's up to it.

OP posts:
Beachsidesunset · 13/08/2022 19:14

Is he on any medication, OP? Some types can really affect the body's ability to deal with heat.

stuntbubbles · 13/08/2022 19:15

YABU. You clearly have no idea how it feels to struggle in the heat, and can’t be bothered to try to put yourself in his shoes. Good for you that you don’t find it too hot but some of us basically cease to function. It’s horrendous.

arthurormartha · 13/08/2022 19:16

Beachsidesunset · 13/08/2022 19:14

Is he on any medication, OP? Some types can really affect the body's ability to deal with heat.

He takes something for heartburn (pharmaceutical thing not OTC antacids). But nothing else.

OP posts:
arthurormartha · 13/08/2022 19:19

stuntbubbles · 13/08/2022 19:15

YABU. You clearly have no idea how it feels to struggle in the heat, and can’t be bothered to try to put yourself in his shoes. Good for you that you don’t find it too hot but some of us basically cease to function. It’s horrendous.

Sorry, I really don't understand it. I find intense heat (30 degree plus heat) difficult to be out in in full sunlight - I wouldn't have wanted to be out running or on a beach today obviously.

But I can't relate to people not being able to be outside at 8pm at 20 degree heat, not being able to do things in the summer and having to have wet towels all over themselves at night etc. I may get shot for this but I think there's some psychological going on here and its actually about something else. Maybe I've just been lucky but I'm really running out of patience with it. It makes it really hard for us to do things together in the summer because there's this constant need to avoid heat and I find it really limiting.

OP posts:
userxx · 13/08/2022 19:23

He's a bit precious isn't he!! Cancel the holiday abroad with him and go with one of your mates instead, you'll have much more fun.

gamerchick · 13/08/2022 19:25

Don't move in with him and don't go abroad. Take a pal, or you'll be spending a lot of it alone.

LetHimHaveIt · 13/08/2022 19:28

I'm with you. I'm a very fair-skinned ginger and don't get me wrong - I wouldn't want to be on a chain gang or anything in this weather, but I do continue to participate in life. I'm a single mother of three - I can't just lossock under a wet towel all day. He's being a doily.

Bubbafly · 13/08/2022 19:29

I say bin Hellboy.

rwalker · 13/08/2022 19:34

Plenty of people are like this just eye roll and leave him to it

Bangarang · 13/08/2022 19:34

I can't cope with warm, hot makes me very very ill. For those who mention holidays abroad, I'm not someone who can afford that (can't afford to camp near home either) but I'm aware that holidays in the Caribbean are just impractical for someone like me. It's not my fault. POTS and a host of other problems including medications which exacerbate heat sensitivity. If I'm at the level to be making a drama about it, then I've been struggling to cope for a lot longer prior to saying anything, because of people's attitude to my problem. Whether or not he's a bit of a tit is beside the point - some of us genuinely can't do it. At all.

LadyRoughDiamond · 13/08/2022 19:38

Is he very overweight? I’ve noticed that larger people struggle more in the heat.

User2145738790 · 13/08/2022 19:39

How nice of you to start a thread inviting everyone to make fun of him.