To think this is pretty lame of DP and to be pissed off

[arthurormartha]

So for context DP has always been a total drama queen about the heat IMHO.

OK I get that a lot of people really struggle with it. I don't, personally, I love heat (although today has been bad even for me). But I know people have very different thresholds and I try to be respectful about it.

But DP basically shuts down when its too hot. He has to lie around with a wet towel over him all the time. Can't eat, can't leave the house, can't do anything other than lie in bed. Has to sleep in weird places at night and carries a fan with him everywhere. I'm superficially sympathetic but I actually think at some level that he overdoes it and could reign it in a bit. He's perfectly capable of going to work in it so he can manage outside work. Yes its unpleasant but I don't think its a justification for having to go to bed for three hours like a Victorian woman with consumption when the temperature goes over 20 degrees.

We don't live together but we're together four days out of seven. Our relationship is generally really good, we've been together four years. Absolutely no reason I can think of why anything could be up (obviously you can't know for sure but nothing I'm aware of).

I'm going on holiday tomorrow for five days. He was supposed to come over tonight (as he always does on Saturdays unless we go out) and I was going to cook. I messaged him earlier in the afternoon to ask what he wanted to eat. I didn't hear from him for about four hours and he's just messaged to say he's "too hot" to come over or to eat and will have to lie down in a darkened room until its cooler and then might think about coming later.

I've told him not to bother, I'll see him in a week.

It's always possible there's something up which he hasn't told me but I really don't think so. I think its just another fit of the vapours about the heat and he can't face coming over.

AIBU to think that if your partner is going away you make the bloody effort even if its a bit uncomfortable?

An uncommon side effect of PPIs can be excessive sweating, which might make him feel he must be very hot (whether he is or not). Cut him some slack.

Ah. Another 'User' + string of digits. Shocker.

It’s really fascinating how individuals vary in their capacity to deal with this heat. I am in the ‘cannot move’ camp and have just been sitting drinking water all day. Outside my window my gardener arrived at 10.00 am and slogged outside for over three hours. Really heavy work - and drinking hot cups of coffee too! He says he loves it, although I did feel the need to keep checking just in case. How on earth could he do that?

Is he overtly dramatic in other ways OP? It all sounds so over the top and attention seeking.

No he’s not. Talk and average build. He is very fair skinned though.

Tall and average build

No not at all. He’s very placid and calm and incredibly slow to anger. I can count on one hand the number of proper arguments we have had in four years.

I can't relate to people not being able to be outside at 8pm at 20 degree heat

It's not forecast to dip as low as 20 until midnight. It's still 30 degrees.

You're being nasty and ridiculous.

It's kind of irrelevant whether he's really suffering or just a bit of a diva.

thing is, 4 years might feel like too long to 'throw away' but if you stay with him, you're consigning the next 40?years to dealing with this, he's not going to suddenly turn into a summer fun person.

sunken cost fallacy , look it up if you don't know what it is.

yes, it's been hot, but it's MUCH cooler now.

i haven't done much, certainly no housework or anything too strenuous!! I picked a friend up & took her to drop her car off to get serviced,
sat in another friends garden chasing the shade, drinking tea (no alcohol as I was driving). I'd have loved to sit in a pub garden for dinner/drinks, or visit a friend or DP but everyone's either away/skint/no babysitter & yesterday I broke up with DP after 8 bloody years & id walk over broken glass if he wanted to see me.

sonteally thinking you want another 40+ years of this!!

And obviously (at least I would hope it's obvious) excessive sweating also makes you dehydrated and at risk of becoming dangerously unwell very quickly if you can't keep on top of it (including replenishing lost salts not just plain water).

Along with a lot of people at the moment.

As for eating we have had salad, cold meat and ice cream. None of us could face any more.

yes, it's been hot, but it's MUCH cooler now.

Certainly isn"t here

Is he me? Thanks for the wet towel on the head idea.

I would probably do what your DP is doing if I could. I did have a lie down and small nap this afternoon after an hour long bus ride in the absolutely boiling sun.

Some people can't cope with this weather. I don't know what makes it bad for some and not others, but it does seem to be a fact.

It's disgustingly hot in London at the moment so I'm with him.

You’re going away for 5 days not 5 years. I’m not sure it’s all that important for him to “make the bloody effort” for one night 4 years into a relationship when he’s not feeling up to it. I wouldn’t want to sit on a train in this weather either.

Fuck me, I can’t stand this effing heat. I hide inside with the curtains closed lying down. Every bloody thing is too much effort, it saps me completely, I’d never go abroad to anywhere with this temperature.

I feel like he does. And I’m neither overweight or fair skinned. Just find heat so draining.

So basically he is a good guy who hates the heat?!

I’ve suspended all housework and cooking as much as poss until it gets cooler. And it’s not much cooler at 7.00pm, houses that have been in the sun all day trend to be hot at 7.00pm

I find heat genuinely very difficult and overwhelming and I never ever choose to go out in it. I have some health issues that exacerbate this. A 15 minute train journey and back in heat would make me want to stay at home.

This heat is absolutely vile, I'm with him.

He’s right. Anyone who cooks or uses public transport today for any non-essential reason is a masochist.

I would find that really off putting and namby-pamby ish behaviour. Yes, it'd give me the ick.
Sounds like you'd prefer to be with someone more like yourself and a "get on with it" type. He needs to find a nice, pale vampirish woman like himself and they can go skiing etc and lie around with wet towels on their head. Doesn't mean either of you are wrong/bad.

So macho men can cope with heat, but not nanny pamby?

Give me nanny pamby any day. And I’d fucking hate to go skiing. What’s namby pamby about hating this inferno? It’s awful.

I have a "friend" like this (DPs best friends wife) we have just been on holiday with them in Devon. She did fuck all and had us waiting on her hand and foot. She kept finding reasons it was so bad for her e.g. menopause but I'm in exactly the sane position and just got on with it.

Would be nice if she at least acknowledged we were all suffering too or at least that she's a bit of a twat about it. We won't be holidaying with them again!