To think this is pretty lame of DP and to be pissed off

[arthurormartha]

So for context DP has always been a total drama queen about the heat IMHO.

OK I get that a lot of people really struggle with it. I don't, personally, I love heat (although today has been bad even for me). But I know people have very different thresholds and I try to be respectful about it.

But DP basically shuts down when its too hot. He has to lie around with a wet towel over him all the time. Can't eat, can't leave the house, can't do anything other than lie in bed. Has to sleep in weird places at night and carries a fan with him everywhere. I'm superficially sympathetic but I actually think at some level that he overdoes it and could reign it in a bit. He's perfectly capable of going to work in it so he can manage outside work. Yes its unpleasant but I don't think its a justification for having to go to bed for three hours like a Victorian woman with consumption when the temperature goes over 20 degrees.

We don't live together but we're together four days out of seven. Our relationship is generally really good, we've been together four years. Absolutely no reason I can think of why anything could be up (obviously you can't know for sure but nothing I'm aware of).

I'm going on holiday tomorrow for five days. He was supposed to come over tonight (as he always does on Saturdays unless we go out) and I was going to cook. I messaged him earlier in the afternoon to ask what he wanted to eat. I didn't hear from him for about four hours and he's just messaged to say he's "too hot" to come over or to eat and will have to lie down in a darkened room until its cooler and then might think about coming later.

I've told him not to bother, I'll see him in a week.

It's always possible there's something up which he hasn't told me but I really don't think so. I think its just another fit of the vapours about the heat and he can't face coming over.

AIBU to think that if your partner is going away you make the bloody effort even if its a bit uncomfortable?

Not everyone who is menopausal is affected by it though. It was the menopause that affected me. My friend thrives on hot weather

I'm like him. I'm not a drama queen in any respect but I've spent the last 2 days sitting in a shady part of the garden (my garden doesn't get any sun at all until late morning) and I was still too hot. I've literally donen nothing but feel dizzy when I've stood up and not been able to see properly. Changing position in the lounger was about as much as I could manage.

I certainly wouldn't be going out anywhere this evening. My boyfriend is here all weekend and we've barely spoken to each other because we both just feel so shit.

I hate the heat and feel I can't function properly in anything over 20 degrees - to the extent I wouldn't even go to Spain in the summer. It's horrible, I feel sick all the time, need to drink water constantly - up to 4l a day - to try to keep the nausea at bay, and I'm absolutely sapped of energy. I don't have the option to lie around because I have small kids that need to be entertained, but when they're all set and I can sit down I find the coolest spot in the house and collapse in a sweaty heap! It does sound like your DP is being overly dramatic, but at the same time you need to look at a person as a whole and if he is otherwise a reasonable person can you give him any benefit of the doubt about how the heat affects him? My initial reaction was that he was being indulgent, but I think you maybe need to cut him a little slack because some of us are suffering and maybe he genuinely is having a hard time.

I hate this heat so much🥺

Just blazing sun all day every day. I wish l could live in a fridge.

Agreed. It was the wet towel for me.

I di get you op...i Love heat and sun, thrive on it but dp is opposite...i do think that if he is good in many other ways you should try to see past it.

We are Greece atm which is the same temp as UK. I am i. Heaven...dp...not so much! The locals here however, are fed up with the heat and want rain!

Ha ha I'm like this about the cold. I don't really like anything below 20 degrees Celsius. If it gets cool I have to go inside and moan.

I am in heaven*

Ye he's being dramatic

You just sound mismatched.

The only wet towel is him.

If he can manage to go to work in it, he can deal with it. He just likes the attention that being a drama llama gets him. How attractive 🙄

Glad you've left him to it. I wouldn't see him till the weather cools down ever again.

On a practical level, is he drinking enough water? No exaggeration, if I get dehydrated, it knocks me out. If I can't get water I am exhausted within minutes, I actually get sore feet, muscle cramps, the works. Is he complaining of any of these? If so the solution is just that: a solution of rehydrating salts in water. Lots of water.

Also, is the heat affecting his sleep? again, if I can't sleep properly because of the heat, I feel as though I've got flu. I'm like a zombie.

I appreciate he's an adult but sometimes you need someone else to point out the obvious to you.

@SparklyAntlers

I don't have the option to lie around because I have small kids that need to be entertained

No. TBH I've always been irritated by people who need to sleep in the day. I find it incredibly lazy and self-indulgent.

It's always bloody men as well. Women with kids can't retire to bed in the middle of the day because they have kids to look after.

I find it a massive turn-off when he wants to go to bed in the day.

@FangsForTheMemory

He drinks tons of water.

I agree with the previous posters who mention ick and precious. Im currently on medication that makes me way more hot / sweaty and lm a female in my 40’s. But l have just got on with it. Despite living in the south east and on some days (like today!), wearing a bri-nylon uniform

The Victorian woman with consumption especially tickled me

I am not a fan of the heat and certainly wouldn't sit on a beach or out in full sunshine, but he sounds very dramatic.

4 years is a long time to be with someone you are clearly mis matched with.

As for a holiday with him, if it's anywhere warm, you must be totally out of your mind.

Have a think, I think you are done.

like a Victorian woman with consumption

It is annoying. I have a friend whose husband is forever taking to his bed for myriad reasons and leaving her with all the childcare, but manages to go to work (and do things he really wants to do).

I'm 41 weeks + 2 days pregnant, contractions started today and I still managed to get out today. He's being ridiculous.

I'm with your partner here I absolutely hate this weather.. I've had a week off work and done nothing . I'm sweating in places I didn't know existed and so tired and grumpy with it .. its still humid now so another poor night's sleep ahead

@Hugasauras

It is annoying. I have a friend whose husband is forever taking to his bed for myriad reasons and leaving her with all the childcare

Urgh. Why do people feel the need to do this? It's such a waste of life. I get it if you're ill or incredibly tired but spending hours sleeping in the day is just so self-indulgent and wasteful.

My ex husband used to do this as well.

I have always struggled with the heat and describe myself as feeling like “A Victorian tv drama heroine whose corset is too tight.” I do occasionally faint, too. I have never liked going to the beach or feeling sun on my bare skin. I live in a sun-tropical part of Aus where the climate is similar to Florida. I feel awful from September to May. I was diagnosed with a medical condition at 48 that explained why I don’t tolerate heat. Don’t dismiss the fact that he may feel genuinely awful.
Then again, if he breaks out the Dressing Gown of Doom, run for the hills.

All he had to do is jump on a train for 15 minute

if they are running. There is a strike today.

I feel absolutely atrocious in the heat. The last few weeks have been so miserable for me. For work and people I don't know too well, I will push myself as much as I can. However, with those I love and who I think love me, I can be a bit more honest and say that it's too much.

Mate, don't be a twat. Some people (me included) suffer from heatstroke quite easily. It is very unpleasant and can be life threatening - don't kill the poor fucker because you don't understand it.

Well it is obvious you don't understand it but surely you can grasp that people are all different, some people don't cope with cold weather and have the heating on to a temperature that I find unbearable, other people don't cope with the heat. Some people hate the rain, I love it don't get umbrellas at all as I love feeling the rain.

We aren't all clones. You don't sound suited to each other at all.