To think this is pretty lame of DP and to be pissed off

[arthurormartha]

So for context DP has always been a total drama queen about the heat IMHO.

OK I get that a lot of people really struggle with it. I don't, personally, I love heat (although today has been bad even for me). But I know people have very different thresholds and I try to be respectful about it.

But DP basically shuts down when its too hot. He has to lie around with a wet towel over him all the time. Can't eat, can't leave the house, can't do anything other than lie in bed. Has to sleep in weird places at night and carries a fan with him everywhere. I'm superficially sympathetic but I actually think at some level that he overdoes it and could reign it in a bit. He's perfectly capable of going to work in it so he can manage outside work. Yes its unpleasant but I don't think its a justification for having to go to bed for three hours like a Victorian woman with consumption when the temperature goes over 20 degrees.

We don't live together but we're together four days out of seven. Our relationship is generally really good, we've been together four years. Absolutely no reason I can think of why anything could be up (obviously you can't know for sure but nothing I'm aware of).

I'm going on holiday tomorrow for five days. He was supposed to come over tonight (as he always does on Saturdays unless we go out) and I was going to cook. I messaged him earlier in the afternoon to ask what he wanted to eat. I didn't hear from him for about four hours and he's just messaged to say he's "too hot" to come over or to eat and will have to lie down in a darkened room until its cooler and then might think about coming later.

I've told him not to bother, I'll see him in a week.

It's always possible there's something up which he hasn't told me but I really don't think so. I think its just another fit of the vapours about the heat and he can't face coming over.

AIBU to think that if your partner is going away you make the bloody effort even if its a bit uncomfortable?

It sounds like you're just not suited in this one area.

I used to love the heat and sun. Never bothered a bit by it, except for accidental sunburn.

Then it all changed. I was sick with a virus. It lasted a little longer than usual but nothing unusual. After that I couldn't tolerate the heat at all. I'd sweat profusely and several times have fainted out in public. Turns out I have POTS and high blood pressure.

So now I avoid the heat and getting overly hot. I have to stay in ac or in front of a fan with towels in ice water. I fill up water or soda bottles and put them in the freezer.

Sure I can get on with it but that results in fainting and vomiting on myself and a subsequent migraine.
It's rather humiliating in public.
I'd rather not do that to myself.

I messaged him earlier in the afternoon to ask what he wanted to eat.

There's your problem right there.

I wouldn't pander to a man like that. Either he comes over, and there's food, or not - you both can decide to get a take-away or whatever.

Anyway he's being very rude not to let you know whatever is happening.....

Yea, and go away on your own. Perfect time to sit and ponder how your life is going and if it's going the way you want it to. Your future self will thank you.

don't kill the poor fucker because you don't understand it.

I'm really not killing him or anywhere close to killing him. I just can't relate to this melodrama about it all.

Yes I don't doubt that its particularly unpleasant and uncomfortable for some people. But I've not asked him to do a 10k run or to lie on a beach without sunscreen or go to a festival. He is a healthy adult male. I've asked him to come and visit me at night, involving a minimal friction journey which he does all the time, before I go away on holiday. He would have been perfectly at liberty to sit under as many cold towels as he wanted once here. As it is he's doing exactly the same thing in his own house, no doubt with cold towels and ice and lots of other drama.

And TBH at the very least he could have let me know earlier in the day. If he'd responded to my message at 2pm before I'd bought food and cleaned the house I would have been more understanding.

This makes me so angry, just because you are OK in the heat everyone else has to be the same or else they are a wimp. This heat is killing some people - get a grip you selfish sod.

TBH I've always been irritated by people who need to sleep in the day. I find it incredibly lazy and self-indulgent

Biology innit. We're programmed to want a nap mid afternoon.

Hes being a silly eejit.

@HangingOver

Biology innit. We're programmed to want a nap mid afternoon.

I'm not!

This 100%, I like the heat, but I don’t belittle people who don’t, you sound like you have absolutely no empathy for others. That’s awful

@SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain

I'm sorry but the heat is not killing him. He works FT in an office without air conditioning and he's quite content to do this every day even though he has the option to WFH. He manages this without incident.

Even assuming he was genuinely feeling unwell, which I don't believe, I just don't believe he couldn't have messaged me early afternoon and said "just to warn you, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by the heat and I'm not feeling up to coming over. I'll make it up to you when you get back". If he'd done this I'd have been disappointed but I'd have got over it.

Disappearing to bed all afternoon and then letting me know at 6.30, just when he was due, and after I'd started cooking, that he "wasn't feeling himself" was just a cop-out.

I have one of these. DH is still wearing thermal socks in bed - yes, even in this heat, as, and I quote 'his feet get cold'.

I've told him he a freak! Other than that, I smile and nod.

Undiagnosed heart condition?
Some metabolic quirk?
Peoples bodies are all different.
I’m guessing he’s a drama queen in general and that’s why you’re annoyed rather than sympathetic op?

I'm surprised at the intolerance of some people (OP), but cheered that there I am not the only person hating this heat.
Roll on autumn.

I hope you never moan about being cold OP and wrap yourself up in a blanket.

He’s absolutely not usually a drama queen at all about anything. He’s incredibly chilled about most things and that’s one of the things I like about him.

Just this. And by God he never stops going on about it. Honestly you would think we were living in a post Apocalyptic desert.

I am your husband.

I can't take heat.

Just deal with it, we aren't all the same. It's rarely like this.the

Loving the fact that everyone is missing the bit where this guy is absolutely fine at work in the heat.

I'm sure most people do have different heat tolerance for whatever reasons but not as selectively as the OPs DP.

This. There is zero chance I'd be going on a train.

Snort!

Yeah he's being quite pathetic isn't he.

I found it funny and ridiculous at the same time. I'm not cooking either in this heat and only go out to Lido swimming in my car which is 2 min drive lol

People have to work. Thete may be aircon there.

People don't have to go out in it otherwise and certainly don't have to sit on a hot and stuffy train, if they are even running today.

I did wonder when someone would come along and assume all fat people feel the heat more.

Eh?? You have absolutely no idea where OP, or anyone else is in the world! MN is a global forum!

Just because it's 30c where you are, doesn't mean it is in Inverness, or Anchorage or Vladivostok for heavens sake!

Op you only know what you can put up with in a relationship. I can't tolerate this kind of behaviour.

OP says it has been 30 plus where she is today. I very much doubt Inverness has reached those dizzy heights.

It's 34 degrees today where I am in the SE, I hate the heat over 27 degrees and I take an SSRI which makes hot weather more intolerable, as does DH.

We've not left the house apart from paddling pool in the garden. Ordered a take away for dinner. I hate being outside in this.

Fuck this heat. Feel free to tell me to give my head a wobble. I'm not going out. Your bf sounds fine and sensible for a heat hating idiot like me!

My ds has ASD and SPD and cannot stand being hot. He feels physically sick, faint, headachy and very irritable. During the summer he sleeps with 3 fans, windows wide open and cooling mats in his bed. He literally can't function. Maybe your DP has similar issues?