I left my husband of twenty years due to DV - we had really shit non intimate/non kissing sex most days.
I then met my current partner of 3yrs at work. He’s worlds apart from my ex….he’s so kind, gentle and affectionate and just an all round nice guy.
he’s incredibly tactile and expressive of his love in words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service and time BUT he basically has very little interest in actual sex - which I’m finding hard !!!!
we have a wonderful life together and he’s basically my best friend, but sometimes I think that’s all it is ?? There’s no lust or passion !
i do have a decent sex drive and I get his is low BUT I feel like I have to constantly pester for sex and often get rejected :(
we’re currently TTC and using OPKs he’ll basically ‘force’ himself to have sex on my fertile days then that’s him done for the month !!! He actually jokes that he looks forward to my period for a break !!
im really struggling with the lack of sex as I need that level of intimacy and the need to feel desired :(
anyone else in a similar situation ?
thanks x
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Relationships
Partners low sex drive
Bluelightbaby · 13/08/2022 15:49
DonnaBanana · 13/08/2022 16:04
“no sex when we have guests”
I don’t think you can have a go at him for that especially if your home isn’t that large or if the sound travels.
HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 13/08/2022 16:40
i do have a decent sex drive and I get his is low BUT I feel like I have to constantly pester for sex and often get rejected :(
not to sound rude, but his sex drive may be lower than yours, but it’s normal for him & it sounds like he might see you as a sex pest ?
hes not not sexually interested though as will take a bj at any opportunity
again without sounding rude, might he not actually want children as is avoiding intercourse but will take a bj ?
PetalParty · 13/08/2022 17:40
Which other emotions does feeling desired relate to for you?
Interesting that you have used the word “desired”, rather than making love or intimacy. It sounds like it is less to do with the actual physical satisfaction itself…
Bluelightbaby · 13/08/2022 18:41
I think over a life time of sexual abuse I’ve been conditioned to believe that a man only wants you if he having sex.
bloodhell perhaps I need therapy ??
HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 13/08/2022 18:51
I can categorically tell you this is not true, yes sex is great, and being with someone who wants to have sex with you is also great, but there is so much more than that, someone to share the good times with and support you in the bad times,
it sounds like your partner is trying to do that?
Bluelightbaby · 13/08/2022 18:41
I think over a life time of sexual abuse I’ve been conditioned to believe that a man only wants you if he having sex.
bloodhell perhaps I need therapy ??
ArcticSkewer · 13/08/2022 19:03
He likes bj but not full sex. Why is that?
PetalParty · 13/08/2022 19:07
It’s lower effort.
ArcticSkewer · 13/08/2022 19:03
He likes bj but not full sex. Why is that?
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