Partners low sex drive

[Bluelightbaby]

I left my husband of twenty years due to DV - we had really shit non intimate/non kissing sex most days.

I then met my current partner of 3yrs at work. He’s worlds apart from my ex….he’s so kind, gentle and affectionate and just an all round nice guy.
he’s incredibly tactile and expressive of his love in words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service and time BUT he basically has very little interest in actual sex - which I’m finding hard !!!!

we have a wonderful life together and he’s basically my best friend, but sometimes I think that’s all it is ?? There’s no lust or passion !
i do have a decent sex drive and I get his is low BUT I feel like I have to constantly pester for sex and often get rejected :(

we’re currently TTC and using OPKs he’ll basically ‘force’ himself to have sex on my fertile days then that’s him done for the month !!! He actually jokes that he looks forward to my period for a break !!

im really struggling with the lack of sex as I need that level of intimacy and the need to feel desired :(

anyone else in a similar situation ?

thanks x

I think you need to prepare yourself for the fact that should you start a family, this situation usually gets worse as in sex becomes less frequent. If he’s happy to cuddle up to you at night in bed but sex doesn’t happen would that still leave you feeling like you are at the moment. Is it the feeling that he’s not into you as much as you are to him that is the problem or just missing the physical act of sex itself if you see what I mean

@Bluelightbaby have plans as to what you are going to do with this man in the future. You are fundamentally incompatible sexually.

Think about whaT you've got, not what you haven't.
Nobody's life is perfect. We don't get all we want all the time.

I don't consider you have a problem tbh.

My husband has a low libido, I'm quite a horny person. I was not abused so whilst this may have some impact on many things if course, people just naturally have different libidos. My husband sounds similar to your partner in that he's a lovely, kind person, amazing friend, before having a kid we used to touch a lot, less now.

I agree no blowjobs, offer it less than you'd like, get a vibrator if you're still too horny, time intercourse around ovulation. You don't have to tell him if it might add pressure, just make an effort then not the rest of time.

If he can't be bothered making an effort perhaps he's unfit, I suggest exercise. You could do this subtly by arranging walks or jogging for both not linking it to sex. Or maybe he's tired, if so suggest he has a lie in, etc..

I agree find out if he really wants kids. Ask for him to be honest,it's fair to know.

This, 100% this.