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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Its not looking good is it?

106 replies

notlookingood · 10/08/2022 09:48

Went on a first date on Sunday. With a guy I matched with on Tinder.

We already knew each other, we had met a few times probably 6 or 7 years ago on nights out and already had each other added on facebook.

I remember back then, we did message over facebook and I remember he asked for my number, but then never text me so nothing happened/progressed.

Years later we match on Tinder and he asked me out for a drink, and we had a nice evening! Chatted for hours, seemed to have a bit in common. He said he didn't know why we lost touch at the time back then. He also threw me a few compliments.

After the date, he text me to say he had a great time, couldn't believe how long we were chatting for and would love to meet again sometime. I said yes I'd be up for that and i'd felt the same. I fell asleep on Sunday night and didn't reply to his last message when I woke up Monday morning (which wasn't too important). But he didn't message me all through Monday or at all yesterday.

My gut is telling me this isn't good? If he was genuinely that interested, he wouldn't not reach out for 2 whole days? Particularly since we matched on Tinder.

I'm now starting to feel upset thinking that maybe I was never good enough which is why he never made the effort those years ago. He did say the reason he is single is because he is picky.

I suppose its worth noting that i've never known him have a girlfriend, although he says he was with someone a few years back for a while but it just fizzled out. He definitely isn't the sort to put it all over facebook anyway as I wasn't aware she existed at the time.

Feeling sad as it was the first date i've been on in a while where I actually want to see him again.

OP posts:
Skelligsfeathers · 10/08/2022 09:50

So he messaged you, you didn't reply and now you are upset he hasn't messaged again?
Message him!

Hshhshsh · 10/08/2022 09:50

Am I reading this right though, you said you didn't reply to his message Monday morning so isn't it your turn to text?

Hshhshsh · 10/08/2022 09:50

What was his last message?

Shoxfordian · 10/08/2022 09:54

It’s your turn to message him

Musti · 10/08/2022 09:56

It’s your turn to message surely?

notlookingood · 10/08/2022 10:08

The last message was sent from him on Sunday night (just banter, nothing important) and I didn't continue the conversation into Monday as I went to work.

OP posts:
DropOfffArtiste · 10/08/2022 10:11

So, you can message now and say you'd like to see him again?

TSwizzlescat · 10/08/2022 10:11

It's your turn to message.... he was the last one to message and you haven't replied or messaged back .... Confused

Luxa · 10/08/2022 10:12

Yes. It's your turn! Message to say hi.

SunnyKlara · 10/08/2022 10:16

Absolutely your turn to restart the conversation.

From his pov, he sent a jokey text two days ago and there's been tumbleweed from you. It's you that doesn't seem interested!

SunshineAndFizz · 10/08/2022 10:21

Erm, it's your turn to message him.

PraiseBee · 10/08/2022 10:30

Agree, your turn to message. Quit the 'I'm not good enough' mentality. You shouldn't be dating if you're shouting yourself down, you're making yourself vulnerable for some guy to trample all over you.

TommySaid · 10/08/2022 10:35

You sound very hard work!

You’re moaning that he’s not messaged you yet you’ve not messaged him either 🤔

notlookingood · 10/08/2022 10:35

I just think if a guy was interested, he might message me asking how work has been or something?

OP posts:
yonce · 10/08/2022 10:36

notlookingood · 10/08/2022 10:35

I just think if a guy was interested, he might message me asking how work has been or something?

He probably thinks you're not interested, as you didn't reply to his last message and haven't messaged since?

If you are interested in him, reach out. Don't play games waiting for him to message and judging whether he's interested or not by it.

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 10/08/2022 10:37

So he has to put all the effort in?? Just message him! He's probably thinking you're weird because you didn't reply to his last message and haven't texted him since.

youlightupmyday · 10/08/2022 10:37

But ypu didn't reply to his last message?

TitInATrance · 10/08/2022 10:37

No, he will wait to see if you’re interested. Relationships need both parties to be making the first move at times.

PraiseBee · 10/08/2022 10:38

Every response you've had says it's your turn. Dating is not a Disney movie/ red flag love bombing shitshow. Which is a good thing. Send the man a message.

youlightupmyday · 10/08/2022 10:40

Work is a weird excuse. I have a senior role, work 60 hours a week and when I met my partner we texted all the time. It takes 30 seconds.

GreenManalishi · 10/08/2022 10:40

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that if a bloke is interested in you, you will know about it. They will make it clear. Don't put all your eggs into one basket, go on a few more dates and keep busy, and if he gets in touch, he gets in touch, but you might have found one you like better by then 😊

Musttryharder2021 · 10/08/2022 10:40

notlookingood · 10/08/2022 10:35

I just think if a guy was interested, he might message me asking how work has been or something?

You sound like hard work already, it's meant to be fun at this stage

JimmyShoo · 10/08/2022 10:44

He’s likely thinking you’re not interested. The onus to show interest is not solely on the man.

litterbird · 10/08/2022 10:50

For goodness sake, don't message him just call! You are playing games already. He was waiting for you to reply I suspect. Call him now and leave a message if he doesnt pick up and try and book another date. It really isn't rocket science here. You are making this very difficult.

DragonflyNights · 10/08/2022 10:58

Nah, you’re at the message tennis stage! For lots of people a lack of response would mean you’re not interested. Just message him and say sorry you were busy at work or something. It would have been easy to carry on the conversation but instead you’ve set him up to fail by expecting him to reach out and be vulnerable with you after you didn’t reply.

Would you double text at this stage if he didn’t reply? I expect not, so why are you expecting him to?

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