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Original poster

Its not looking good is it?

106 replies

notlookingood · 10/08/2022 09:48

Went on a first date on Sunday. With a guy I matched with on Tinder.

We already knew each other, we had met a few times probably 6 or 7 years ago on nights out and already had each other added on facebook.

I remember back then, we did message over facebook and I remember he asked for my number, but then never text me so nothing happened/progressed.

Years later we match on Tinder and he asked me out for a drink, and we had a nice evening! Chatted for hours, seemed to have a bit in common. He said he didn't know why we lost touch at the time back then. He also threw me a few compliments.

After the date, he text me to say he had a great time, couldn't believe how long we were chatting for and would love to meet again sometime. I said yes I'd be up for that and i'd felt the same. I fell asleep on Sunday night and didn't reply to his last message when I woke up Monday morning (which wasn't too important). But he didn't message me all through Monday or at all yesterday.

My gut is telling me this isn't good? If he was genuinely that interested, he wouldn't not reach out for 2 whole days? Particularly since we matched on Tinder.

I'm now starting to feel upset thinking that maybe I was never good enough which is why he never made the effort those years ago. He did say the reason he is single is because he is picky.

I suppose its worth noting that i've never known him have a girlfriend, although he says he was with someone a few years back for a while but it just fizzled out. He definitely isn't the sort to put it all over facebook anyway as I wasn't aware she existed at the time.

Feeling sad as it was the first date i've been on in a while where I actually want to see him again.

OP posts:
SnowWhitesSM · 10/08/2022 11:03

OP - speaking from experience, if you base their attraction to you on the chasing game you end up with men who just like the chase. Yes of course don't call and msg them first a gazillion times but also don't be a passenger in the first stages either. Be a co-pilot.

houseonthehill · 10/08/2022 11:04

Also, some men take the 'not hassling' thing very seriously. If you didn't reply to that last text, I'd wait respectfully until you had time, especially at this very early stage.

WaveyHair · 10/08/2022 11:05

I just think if a guy was interested, he might message me asking how work has been or something?

He was messaging you but you dropped out. Make an effort here, sorry, really busy can we continue this conversation over a drink/coffee etc...

You need to show him you are interested. You should be doing some of the running here, not just him.

sweeetpotato · 10/08/2022 11:07

You literally ignored his last text.

You need to make the first move this time.

Angippp · 10/08/2022 11:20

"I remember back then, we did message over facebook and I remember he asked for my number, but then never text me so nothing happened/progressed."

" He did say the reason he is single is because he is picky. I suppose its worth noting that i've never known him have a girlfriend, although he says he was with someone a few years back for a while but it just fizzled out. "

RED FLAG.

He has commitment issues, you already know that, he's done this before with YOU, he lets things "fizzle out".
RUN.

LetHimHaveIt · 10/08/2022 11:24

PraiseBee · 10/08/2022 10:30

Agree, your turn to message. Quit the 'I'm not good enough' mentality. You shouldn't be dating if you're shouting yourself down, you're making yourself vulnerable for some guy to trample all over you.

I don't think that's the mentality at play here . . .

gamerchick · 10/08/2022 11:26

Stop playing games wanting him to chase you. Send him a message.

rahjama · 10/08/2022 11:28

OP how do you think he would feel being the one doing all the chasing? If every time you ignored a message and didn't carry on a conversation, he re-messaged you, he would feel desperate, like you're not interested.

Just message him, it's your turn.

gannett · 10/08/2022 11:33

This isn't even just dating text etiquette. If the other person messaged you last, it's your turn. Pretty unambiguous.

Annoyedwithmyself · 10/08/2022 11:33

SnowWhitesSM · 10/08/2022 11:03

OP - speaking from experience, if you base their attraction to you on the chasing game you end up with men who just like the chase. Yes of course don't call and msg them first a gazillion times but also don't be a passenger in the first stages either. Be a co-pilot.

This entirely. Get him texted, please.

Look, it might be that he's not one for settling down but that won't be personal to you or any other woman he has met. If things don't lead anywhere then you know that's who he is. But at least give it a chance as you both had a good time! You left him hanging tbf so pick up the thread again. If nothing comes of it then so what? But it might be that he's a different person from 6 years ago now. Manage your expectations and remember that with dating, if something new doesn't work out then it isn't because you're not good enough (unless you act like a tool and offend the other person), it's because you weren't compatible. However you have to be open to putting yourself out there and seeing what happens!

FairyPrincess123 · 10/08/2022 11:34

He's over there on the other thread saying "she didn't reply to my last message when she woke up Monday morning. And she didn't message me all through Monday or at all yesterday."

Lakeyloo · 10/08/2022 11:50

notlookingood · 10/08/2022 10:35

I just think if a guy was interested, he might message me asking how work has been or something?

I just think if a GIRL was interested, SHE might message me asking how work has been or something? ....... Go on @notlookingood, do it. Nothing to loose by the sounds of it !

Livpool · 10/08/2022 11:54

notlookingood · 10/08/2022 10:08

The last message was sent from him on Sunday night (just banter, nothing important) and I didn't continue the conversation into Monday as I went to work.

Then he is probably waiting for a message from you

Rapidtango · 10/08/2022 11:54

This sounds exhausting. If you're interested in seeing him again send him a message or call him. Stop over analysing.

Nunckybunchchuck · 10/08/2022 11:55

It's your turn to message him @notlookingood 😂

StopStartStop · 10/08/2022 11:56

See someone else. You're far too invested in this casual acquaintance.

SD1978 · 10/08/2022 11:57

Flipping hell. So you don't reply, and expect him to send another message and be pursued.........maybe leave the poor Bloke to find someon a bit more mature.....

Quia · 10/08/2022 11:58

notlookingood · 10/08/2022 10:35

I just think if a guy was interested, he might message me asking how work has been or something?

Or you might have messaged him asking how work has been or something?

saleorbouy · 10/08/2022 12:04

Stop playing mind games, if you're interested in another date then suggest it. FFS in this world of equality take the initiative otherwise the world will pass you by. People have better things to do than work out who's turn it is to text!

InTheCup · 10/08/2022 12:09

Hang on... you didn't reply to his last text ? You need to message him!

Sirius3030 · 10/08/2022 12:11

Angippp · 10/08/2022 11:20

"I remember back then, we did message over facebook and I remember he asked for my number, but then never text me so nothing happened/progressed."

" He did say the reason he is single is because he is picky. I suppose its worth noting that i've never known him have a girlfriend, although he says he was with someone a few years back for a while but it just fizzled out. "

RED FLAG.

He has commitment issues, you already know that, he's done this before with YOU, he lets things "fizzle out".
RUN.

FFS, stop over-reacting.

Angippp · 10/08/2022 12:13

FFS stop being gullible, he's told her who he is multiple times, when they tell you who they are believe them.

birdfeeders · 10/08/2022 12:18

You want to be chases. Send him a bloody message, it looks like you don't give a fuck. Dating is equal these days

Turnthatoff · 10/08/2022 12:21

Good lord. I’m old, and have been married for million years, but I’m sure you’re making this much harder than it needs to be.

Moonchild18 · 10/08/2022 12:23

He's probably wondering why you've not text him back

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