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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Its not looking good is it?

106 replies

notlookingood · 10/08/2022 09:48

Went on a first date on Sunday. With a guy I matched with on Tinder.

We already knew each other, we had met a few times probably 6 or 7 years ago on nights out and already had each other added on facebook.

I remember back then, we did message over facebook and I remember he asked for my number, but then never text me so nothing happened/progressed.

Years later we match on Tinder and he asked me out for a drink, and we had a nice evening! Chatted for hours, seemed to have a bit in common. He said he didn't know why we lost touch at the time back then. He also threw me a few compliments.

After the date, he text me to say he had a great time, couldn't believe how long we were chatting for and would love to meet again sometime. I said yes I'd be up for that and i'd felt the same. I fell asleep on Sunday night and didn't reply to his last message when I woke up Monday morning (which wasn't too important). But he didn't message me all through Monday or at all yesterday.

My gut is telling me this isn't good? If he was genuinely that interested, he wouldn't not reach out for 2 whole days? Particularly since we matched on Tinder.

I'm now starting to feel upset thinking that maybe I was never good enough which is why he never made the effort those years ago. He did say the reason he is single is because he is picky.

I suppose its worth noting that i've never known him have a girlfriend, although he says he was with someone a few years back for a while but it just fizzled out. He definitely isn't the sort to put it all over facebook anyway as I wasn't aware she existed at the time.

Feeling sad as it was the first date i've been on in a while where I actually want to see him again.

OP posts:
Musttryharder2021 · 11/08/2022 21:01

notlookingood · 11/08/2022 20:59

@Pebbledashery Just don't want to be hurt. I wonder why he didn't pursue it back then, makes me wonder is he really that into me. that's all.

Probably because he was pursuing someone else

RunnerDown · 11/08/2022 21:04

Angippp · 10/08/2022 11:20

"I remember back then, we did message over facebook and I remember he asked for my number, but then never text me so nothing happened/progressed."

" He did say the reason he is single is because he is picky. I suppose its worth noting that i've never known him have a girlfriend, although he says he was with someone a few years back for a while but it just fizzled out. "

RED FLAG.

He has commitment issues, you already know that, he's done this before with YOU, he lets things "fizzle out".
RUN.

Wow. Maybe the guy isn’t very confident, or hasn’t had much luck with women, or been scared to get involved again after a heartbreak. There could be so many explanations for this situation. Such firm negative conclusions based on very flimsy evidence. Not all men are bad and some are shy and a bit rubbish at communication/ relationships.
It’s definitely your turn to message op . You need to give it a bit longer and put a bit more into it to find out what he’s really like and whether you want to be with him

Pom87 · 11/08/2022 22:06

Are you in to him? Sounds like you're making excuses trying to convince yourself he isn't interested. Don't mess him about if it isn't what you want.

Ilovemycat1 · 11/08/2022 22:12

Stopped reading at Tinder

Quick glance through your post confirmed the usual shite that happens on that app

Forget him stop analysing it

Ilovemycat1 · 11/08/2022 22:15

safetyfreak · 11/08/2022 08:46

This thread is ridiculous and it’s a shame you took those posters advice OP.

I was in the dating scene over 4 years ago and a man who is interested, WOULD BE texting you to ask about your day etc. The whole, you need to text him first or he is ignoring you because you ignored him is bull. A lot of these women responding most likely have not been in the dating scene for over 10/20 years.

Agree

DragonflyNights · 11/08/2022 22:55

safetyfreak · 11/08/2022 08:46

This thread is ridiculous and it’s a shame you took those posters advice OP.

I was in the dating scene over 4 years ago and a man who is interested, WOULD BE texting you to ask about your day etc. The whole, you need to text him first or he is ignoring you because you ignored him is bull. A lot of these women responding most likely have not been in the dating scene for over 10/20 years.

She texted him and he texted back so apparently wasn’t that bad as far as advice goes. Your assumptions are weird. I was last on the dating scene 16 or so months ago, assuming not much has changed in that time!

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