To not know why he says this stupid thing and how to answer

[OneSugarOneSpoon]

BF of 7 months has this wierd habit of having a conversation with me that goes like this..
Eg . He will say something along the lines of " right I'm going now as I need to collect My daughter" . I'll say " ok" then he will reply " oh great...so you want me to leave then?" Or something similar. Same if he asks do if I mind if he goes playing golf or whatever...I say no..then I get this silly " oh don't you want to be with me then?"

It can be about anything really, but he often does it in relation to his kids ( "Alice wants to sit by me...oh you've let her...don't you want to be next to me then "etc etc)

I've actually started being quite snappy back as I've no idea what he's trying to achieve. Otherwise he is fine , but this totally winds me up.

Any thoughts wise MNetters?

PP have told you why he asks his manipulative questions.
Your answer is pretty simple:
"I've heard enough of your trick questions, I don't want to hear any more of them, you are dumped, bye."

Honestly OP it's only been a few months & this is too much grief for you to be tolerating. It's not just the annoyance factor - it's the obvious fact that he is determined to wrong-foot you & make you feel undermined.

Lose this one, he's pathetic, but pathetic controlling men can be just as abusive as non-pathetic ones. He is bad news, cut your losses.

Oh stop with the Handmaidening already @excitingusername.

He's a b/f of 7 months, OP doesn't need urging to make him her project.
It's not her job to fix dysfunctional men, it's her job to recognise dysfunction & remove herself from its source.

It's also not a silly habit. Read what wiser, less enabling minds have observed:
But, If he's doing this in front of his children (giving his daughter the impression that you could demand the seat, or that you two should what? Fight over it? Take turns? ) he's a misogynist dick happy to teach his daughter that he , a man, should be fought over and prioritised by everyone around him. Subconsciously she'll think that's normal in a loving relationship and when she in turn gets with a needy misogynistic dick the cycle will begin again.

(Cheers @kittenkipping you summed it all up perfectly.)

What are you on about?

OP isn't being asked to make a decision when her pathetic loser of a b/f tells her he's off to pick up the kids or whatever. Just to respond to the information.
When she does respond - normally, by saying "ok then" - he starts up with his manipulation & "testing".

Why you have twisted his pathetic headgames into being OP's responsibility is beyond me @AceSpades54321

My friend is with a man like this at the moment, and it's exhausting how he manages to turn every single situation into 'You don't want to be with me anymore?!'

It's not fair on you, it's tiring, it's childish and - if you start having to change your behaviour to avoid these bizarre moods - it's abusive.

Weird that you’re still fucking this loser. Would you not rather dump him?

It's childish as fuck. I'd stop fucking him, personally.

Dating is hard! Maybe Op doesn't have many options but to settle for this nonsense?

Eh? Dating is no longer optional? Who knew?!

It may be optional but society pushes people to partner up as being single is costly and lonely (unless you have extensive family and friendships)

Nothing lonelier than dating a complete arsehole though. Except marrying and breeding with such a low brow manipulative male. That would be supremely stupid, and lonely.

Got some that's even better than being alone (broke and miserable as everyone else is coupled up doing "family" stuff and not inviting you anywhere).

Dump him.
How have you put up with this for so long

Less lonely than being in the wrong romantic relationship, & far less expensive than divorcing my ex @Musttryharder2021

Nope.

He knows exactly what he's doing.

Well yeah, if you hate men and believe they are irredeemable and must be ousted and rejected the moment they show any character flaws/difficulties understanding women or their immediate need. To say this is an overreaction is the least of it. Your brand of feminism isn't the only one around.

Just follow that up with 'not really if you say stupid things like that'.

I've known a few men like this. As a pp has said, this 'conversation' is intended to make you feel uneasy. He picks his words carefully- 'don't you want to sit next to me/do you want me to leave etc' (rather than - are you OK with me collecting my daughter/sitting with my child). If you say no, I don't want you to leave/sit with your child etc then later he can tell you and everyone else that you are controlling and clingy. If you say yes, you want him to go/not sit with you etc, then he can say you're trying to drive him away. This is low level stuff now, all dressed up as 'just a joke' to get you used to this behaviour. He will probably ramp up the manipulation in time eg. when you want to go out with a friend he'll ask 'don't you want to be with me?' he'll make comments on how you dress and everything you do (it will never be quite right) so you'll start trying to second guess what the 'right' thing to do is.

There is a chance that I'm wrong and he actually is just making a joke and doesn't realise you don't find it funny. But I don't think it's a chance I'd take again

Pretty much this is what I say, and then he's like " yeah ok"...but still does it. He does say stuff like " do you love me...tell me then" ( I do regularly).Or...this is another bizarre one..say if I get up to go make a drink etc, he'll say " kiss first" or grab me and say no I need a hug first"...so whatever I'm about to do, has to wait a few minutes.

In other ways he's fine...generous,attentive,caring.

Now....as I'm typing this I'm starting to wonder. His ex apparently left him as he was " controlling"....are these red flags??

His ex apparently left him as he was " controlling"....are these red flags??

This is a humongous red flag.

When people tell you who they are, listen.

Honestly what he's doing sounds like emotional abuse.

OP this shouldn't be a close call!

He is very obviously needy to the point of controlling, demands attention when and where he wants it, guilt trips you if you don't behave how he wants you to etc etc.

Come on now, this is just seven months in!!

This should be the easy bit.

Please tell me you're not going to keep seeing him?

Yes red flags. All of it. He’s intense and domineering with the ‘kiss first’ (fuck off) and the ‘hug first’ (stop grabbing me) and the ‘say you love me’ (am I a dolly?).
Ugh ugh and triple ugh.

Just work on it!!! He's obviously needy, man wants attention is he allowed to express it at all? Stop replying to what he is actually saying and address the behaviour, not the comment - you're entering into the nonsense conversations with him when you absolutely mustn't. Give him the examples you have given us, explain it's a bit borderline and could be emotionally manipulative. Most men have never even heard of these blimmin concepts, give him a chance. My partner does this occasionally and we've worked on it. I don't really tolerate it when it occasionally happens - it's way less of a problem than it was. In fact I usually just laugh and say, nope - we're not going there! He has many other qualities so I just let him work it through. Define your issue and communicate first. If it doesn't work and he makes you unhappy then leave.

What brand of feminism @excitingusername?

And what has OP's b/f's sex got to do with the fact that he's a mindgame-playing, manipulative twat?

I don't dislike the sound of him because he's male. I dislike the sound of him because he is waving some very specific red flags, & what they are flagging is a manipulative partner setting OP up for a lot of future coercive control.

Pretty much this is what I say, and then he's like " yeah ok"...but still does it. He does say stuff like " do you love me...tell me then" ( I do regularly).Or...this is another bizarre one..say if I get up to go make a drink etc, he'll say " kiss first" or grab me and say no I need a hug first"...so whatever I'm about to do, has to wait a few minutes.
Yeah I had one like this.
Could not let an opportunity for a quick low-level dominance display pass him by. He is rehearsing you to accept a dynamic that is purely set to his terms OP. He's the kind who will extract concessions from you before he'll do so much as tell you the time - it's all about teaching you who he thinks is in charge.

In other ways he's fine...generous,attentive,caring.
Um ... these are basic requirements for any relationship!
Don't applaud a fish for swimming.

Now....as I'm typing this I'm starting to wonder. His ex apparently left him as he was " controlling"....are these red flags??
Yes.

Yeah bye. Not here to sate your need for conflict hun. Fish elsewhere.