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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

To not know why he says this stupid thing and how to answer

131 replies

OneSugarOneSpoon · 09/08/2022 22:30

BF of 7 months has this wierd habit of having a conversation with me that goes like this..
Eg . He will say something along the lines of " right I'm going now as I need to collect My daughter" . I'll say " ok" then he will reply " oh great...so you want me to leave then?" Or something similar. Same if he asks do if I mind if he goes playing golf or whatever...I say no..then I get this silly " oh don't you want to be with me then?"

It can be about anything really, but he often does it in relation to his kids ( "Alice wants to sit by me...oh you've let her...don't you want to be next to me then "etc etc)

I've actually started being quite snappy back as I've no idea what he's trying to achieve. Otherwise he is fine , but this totally winds me up.

Any thoughts wise MNetters?

OP posts:
pictish · 10/08/2022 07:57

AceSpades54321 · 10/08/2022 07:55

Maybe he doesn’t like that you do whatever you are told 🤷‍♀️ Maybe he is trying to encourage you to speak up for yourself and say no. I had a friend who would let me decide everything, it got really annoying.

I don’t think that’s it somehow.

Sparkletastic · 10/08/2022 08:02

Try a stony 'I don't understand what you mean' every time he does it. But it's enough of a reason to end it imo.

orangeisthenewpuce · 10/08/2022 08:04

Just answer with these. 'Yes, I do want you to go'. 'No, I don't want to be with you/sit next to you'. Easy.

AlisonDonut · 10/08/2022 08:06

What to say?

'adios'.

Sorted.

Terfydactyl · 10/08/2022 08:07

excitingusername · 10/08/2022 00:22

So much harshness here. Man has a silly habit that he needs clear communication out of. He's not psychic, it needs coherent and consistent flagging so he can work on stopping it!

I dont know about everyone else but if I was told once to stop doing something cringy, I would stop. I dont need telling twice. Why would a man need it spelling out to him more than once?

Topseyt123 · 10/08/2022 08:07

I would just have no time or patience whatsoever for this bollocks and would tell him so in no uncertain terms. I might well even show him the door if (when) he continued.

Arsewipe.

ChagSameachDoreen · 10/08/2022 08:10

He sounds like an absolute tool.

Respond with: "stop being such a tool and grow up."

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 10/08/2022 08:13

He sounds as annoying as fuck. This would have me running for the hills the annoying needy child

IncompleteSenten · 10/08/2022 08:13

Not.
Worth.
It.

Seriously. Bin him. It's not your job to train him out of it. 🙄

But in case you want to carry on with this idiot then turn it back on him.

Eg. With the picking up his daughter you just look at him and say "you literally just told me you have to go to collect your daughter. Am I supposed to tell you no, let your daughter down, stay here with me?"

FreudayNight · 10/08/2022 08:17

excitingusername · 10/08/2022 00:22

So much harshness here. Man has a silly habit that he needs clear communication out of. He's not psychic, it needs coherent and consistent flagging so he can work on stopping it!

Are you joking? He is will have had it explained to him, more than once, and will stop when the OP dumps him.

This is about rejecting boundaries and putting her in a position where she is accountable to him. Notice how he gets to simultaneously have two positions so that whatever she does is wrong- either go along with it and be weak and flakey, or stand up for yourself snd get labelled uptight and a bitch,

GladysGladioli · 10/08/2022 08:24

He sounds pathetic. What on earth do you find attractive about him?

Lobelia123 · 10/08/2022 08:30

He wants you to jump in and 'fight' for the right to sit next to him, see him, make hum stay etc so the set up comment is bait and your cue to see nooooooooo, stay with meeeeee. FFS I couldnt stand this immature arsehole. Dont just ignore it, ask him what does he mean - he just told you what he was doing, why is he now gaslighting and try to twist it around? Then watch him flounder, say you have no sense of humour etc. I hate this kind if manipulative immature twit. Tell him to hit the road - surely you can do better than this.

2catsandhappy · 10/08/2022 08:31

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Either way, an ego trip for him as you try to give the 'right' answer.
Life is too short for this crap.

HauntingScream · 10/08/2022 08:34

Just ask him straight up why he does this because it sounds really needy and off putting.

wildseas · 10/08/2022 08:41

" right I'm going now as I need to collect My daughter" . I'll say " ok" then he will reply " oh great...so you want me to leave then?"

OP: "Yes please"

every time - job done

Herejustforthisone · 10/08/2022 08:42

Fuck the tedious twat off.

knittingaddict · 10/08/2022 08:51

FurAndFeathers · 09/08/2022 22:41

He’s desperately insecure and telling you that your world should be revolving around him.
how dare you function without being by his side?

bin him

This. You should be devastated that he's leaving, but you're being a grown-up about it and he is annoyed

I wouldn't waste another second on the game playing twit.

Pinkspice · 10/08/2022 08:58

It sounds like the kind of bloke who'd hold out a fiver for a female bar staff and then pull it away as she goes to take it. Bantz eh? What am I like? What a card!!! 🤮.

Just no. Unless you want to spend your whole life cringing until your skin turns inside out.

Pinkspice · 10/08/2022 09:00

I've just thought, if we all bin these guys off, then, natural selection, this particular species will die out!

dehloh · 10/08/2022 09:00

He is manipulative, twisting his need to leave to be about you and hoping you pacify him. This is likely to escalate. Some women apologise for their partner's violence, do you want to see how far he will go?

HoppingPavlova · 10/08/2022 09:01

No way I could put up with that. It would be ‘this is no longer working for me’ time.

SelfMadeWoman · 10/08/2022 09:03

He's an arsehole. I'd say "off you pop then. Don't come back!"

DuchessOfSausage · 10/08/2022 09:03

Not RTFT but I'd just say something like 'Don't give me ideas' or 'If you say so'

Otherwise, just tell him that it winds you up. If he persists, tell him that you have already explained that it is irritating and him persisting is effectively bullying.

RightOnTheEdge · 10/08/2022 09:20

I would be answering "Yes I do want you to go you tedious, annoying twat!" 🙄

wellhelloitsme · 10/08/2022 09:43

Any thoughts?

Bin him off. Obviously.