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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Don't want to open the msg from him

134 replies

Kitten2 · 09/08/2022 21:06

A guy I was quite casually seeing, but got too hung up on and eventually ended it with, has messaged today.

4 hours ago.

I used to open his messages instantly. But I know this will be a set back for me, whatever it says.

It's ruined my evening because now I'm just thinking about it. I was only just starting to feel happy again.

We were in some kind of casual relationship for 6 months, mostly sexual. But we got on well. He was avoidant and hard to read. I didn't think he'd get back in touch. Maybe it's to tell me he's got an STI. Should I open it?! When should I open it?

I don't want to have to keep checking to see if he's read / replied, if I send a response. I absolutely hate that feeling.

OP posts:
dustandroses · 09/08/2022 21:08

Delete it now. If you think it’s an STI then get a test.

Tigerteaforthree · 09/08/2022 21:09

It won't stop hanging over you until you've read it.

Decide before opening if its a relationship you want to avoid or give another go and no matter what the text says, stick with that.

Isittrueornot · 09/08/2022 21:10

Just read it and reply back ‘ok’

MarshmallowsOnToast · 09/08/2022 21:10

I think you have to open it. It will bug you forever not knowing what it said if you delete.

ipswi · 09/08/2022 21:11

If it's a WhatsApp you can press on the message and hold it down for a few seconds and it'll let you read it without it showing as "read"

That's only if you want to read it....might be best for your own sake to just delete

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 09/08/2022 21:18

Open it. He's probably asking for a shag. Then block

abblie · 09/08/2022 21:21

Isittrueornot · 09/08/2022 21:10

Just read it and reply back ‘ok’

Yes this 🤣🤣 stay toxic for your own sanity

Imissmoominmama · 09/08/2022 21:25

When did you end the relationship?

WomanHere · 09/08/2022 21:27

Open and read but don’t reply. I agree that it will be a check-in with the aim of getting a conversation started. He is after a shag, you’re best off not responding as you’ve moved on.

InTheCup · 09/08/2022 21:27

Is it on WhatsApp and do you have an android?

Annabananna1 · 09/08/2022 21:33

We last spoke about a month ago. I ended it the month before that but he did a check in. And it made me feel like shit.

I have an iPhone, it's watsapp. He also sent a snap chat previously but I just deleted the whole app as I don't really use it otherwise.

I've just started speaking to someone new and no longer waking up feeling miserable. It's just so annoying.

DatingDinosaur · 09/08/2022 21:33

Yes you should open it and you should open it NOW!

I'm thoroughly invested in what he's got to say, even if you're not Grin

Annabananna1 · 09/08/2022 21:35

Why's he got to do this. He took hours and even days to reply to me when we were seeing eachother. Was so vague. So unreachable and kept it as cool as he could.

I wanted him to care so badly.

Maybe he's messaged by mistake!? I'll over think it and all it will say is wrong number soz.

Hiddenvoice · 09/08/2022 21:40

Curiosity would get to me and I’d end up reading it. I wouldn’t reply though. This guy isn’t good for you, so look at it then treat yourself to something nice and forget about him. Will annoy him more that he’s not got a hold on you to reply!

daisychain01 · 09/08/2022 21:41

I always like the reply that goes "who is this?" especially if his email address has his name in it. It shows you've forgotten who he is already 😂

EmergencyHepNeeded · 09/08/2022 21:48

You can't not open it now!

hairymclaryforever · 09/08/2022 21:50

F

doyourememberwhen · 09/08/2022 21:51

I had someone in my life like this and I (eventually) blocked him on all channels.

He then (after I predicted he might) after a couple of months wrote to me.

I burned his letter on the hob without opening it and it was the best feeling ever. This was back in June and I have never regretted it for a moment. Do NOT give him that power over you.

Avoidant might be his attachment style but you will be experiencing his attention as intermittent reward and that is terrible for you. Cut it off at the pass and delete without reading then block.

CornishTiger · 09/08/2022 21:51

The longer you wait to either read or delete the longer he’s got power over you. Unsettling you.

Read it. Delete. Ignore.

sammylady37 · 09/08/2022 22:00

daisychain01 · 09/08/2022 21:41

I always like the reply that goes "who is this?" especially if his email address has his name in it. It shows you've forgotten who he is already 😂

No, it doesn’t. It shows you’re desperately trying to pretend you’ve forgotten him already.

CandyLeBonBon · 09/08/2022 22:04

Yeah it's like saying 'I'm breezy'. Because saying 'I'm breezy' negates the breezy.

UserError012345 · 09/08/2022 22:11

Read it but don't reply. Leave him on read.

HauntingScream · 09/08/2022 22:14

Read it if you want but don't reply at all.

SexyHoneyMoony · 09/08/2022 22:17

If you are having casual sex you should be testing for STIs regularly anyway. I would open the message and then block and delete him.

WhackingPhoenix · 09/08/2022 22:17

I couldn’t not open it! Can you not just go onto WhatsApp and change your settings to turn off ‘read’ receipts and then open it so he won’t know that you’ve read it?