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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Don't want to open the msg from him

134 replies

Kitten2 · 09/08/2022 21:06

A guy I was quite casually seeing, but got too hung up on and eventually ended it with, has messaged today.

4 hours ago.

I used to open his messages instantly. But I know this will be a set back for me, whatever it says.

It's ruined my evening because now I'm just thinking about it. I was only just starting to feel happy again.

We were in some kind of casual relationship for 6 months, mostly sexual. But we got on well. He was avoidant and hard to read. I didn't think he'd get back in touch. Maybe it's to tell me he's got an STI. Should I open it?! When should I open it?

I don't want to have to keep checking to see if he's read / replied, if I send a response. I absolutely hate that feeling.

OP posts:
beenwhereyouare · 10/08/2022 03:50

@Kitten2
@Annabananna1

If you don't open it you'll have it in your mind forever. Don't give him that much headspace.

Read it and delete it. Block and forget him.

JangolinaPitt · 10/08/2022 03:52

ItWasJustifiedHeWasACunt · 09/08/2022 22:27

Open it. For my sake. Oh erm I mean yours 😊

😂

JangolinaPitt · 10/08/2022 03:56

GreyCarpet · 10/08/2022 00:43

You know what? I'd leave him on read. No blocking - that's a response; no actual response. Just nothing.

My kids reckon that leaving someone on read is just about the lowest thing you can do. So do that.

Interesting. I agree that really is the best revenge

WalkingOnTheCracks · 10/08/2022 03:58

MarshmallowsOnToast · 09/08/2022 21:10

I think you have to open it. It will bug you forever not knowing what it said if you delete.

….not to mention us.

i’d delete it unread. It wouldn’t bug me for more than two minutes.

Lampan · 10/08/2022 04:04

IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE

No good will come of this. If you engage you will end up meeting for sex then he’ll fade you out again and it will feel like shit. You said in your original post that you were starting to feel happy again. Don’t jeopardise that.

Lampan · 10/08/2022 04:09

Also the “I’ve had a really busy few weeks with work” is laughable. So busy that he didn’t have any chance at all to send a text? Does he work 24hrs without a break? No, he knows he’s being shit and is trying to convince you otherwise.

Inthesameboatatmo · 10/08/2022 05:16

I hate it when men do this for an ego stroke. If you don't read it you will forever be wondering op. Leave him on read, that'll show him he really is not that important in the grand scheme of things. What a prick.

xJoyfulCalmWisdomx · 10/08/2022 05:35

At least you know now, it's not the ''i have an std'' message.

But I think it's clear that message doesn't require a response.

flowers we've all been here op. x

Ncfreely · 10/08/2022 06:26

Huh?! Has there been an update?

ChuckItBucket · 10/08/2022 06:40

I’d send back “god no” and then block him

MrsElm · 10/08/2022 06:46

Ncfreely · 10/08/2022 06:26

Huh?! Has there been an update?

OP changed name 🤷‍♀️

daisychain01 · 10/08/2022 07:02

sammylady37 · 09/08/2022 22:00

No, it doesn’t. It shows you’re desperately trying to pretend you’ve forgotten him already.

Show quote history

Not if you block them afterwards, it tells them they are forgettable!

daisychain01 · 10/08/2022 07:06

Annabananna1 · 10/08/2022 00:01

It said

'Hey Alice*,
It's been too long. How are you?
I've had a really busy few weeks with work.
We should meet up over the weekend or next week.
I've been thinking about kissing you..'

Urgh.

Ye gods, that message reads like one of those porny scam ones I delete from my Spam filter. They always start "Hey"

an immediate turn-off.

MeridianB · 10/08/2022 07:22

Not recommending it in this case (I think you should ignore and delete) but the MN classic response “Who dis?” Always makes me smile. 😁

TeeBee · 10/08/2022 07:25

Or, fuck with his head and ask 'Who's Alice?' Or just 'nah'.

CatMum79 · 10/08/2022 07:30

OMG I dated a guy just like this. Turns out he was a tidal player either multiple women on the go.... 5 at one point, and literally spent his life shagging. (Makes me feel pretty further looking back) he swore to me at one point he loved me and wanted to be with me.. but went on to screw other women. He was 100% emotionally distant, very charming. Spoilt me rotten (think expensive hotels on valentines day, personalised number plates etc) but it was only zbout sex. The best thing I ever dud was cutting him out. I blocked him and deleted him....

Sounds like you 100% need tofo the same thing OP

Best of luck x

TrueNorthernBird · 10/08/2022 07:38

"Nah, you're alright, thanks" would be my reply

WildFlowerBees · 10/08/2022 07:43

'No thanks I've got better ways to spend 8 minutes'

SexyHoneyMoony · 10/08/2022 07:45

Leaving on read hurts more than never opening

DoNutSweatTheSmallStuff · 10/08/2022 07:46

"I'm good thanks. Not interested in meeting up. Bye."

Staynow · 10/08/2022 07:48

I think reading and ignoring is best. Do not reply!! That's what he wants. Even if it's to say something negative then it's still attention. It's like a child - any attention is better than no attention. Don't give him what he wants

liveforsummer · 10/08/2022 07:49

Ha. No thanks! would be my reply. Maybe add some sort of derisory emoji for effect.

CandyLeBonBon · 10/08/2022 07:51

I remember Alice as well!

Ndd135632 · 10/08/2022 08:08

I am another one for read and ignore. Don’t respond anything to him. He is looking forward a booty call and you responding will feed his ego. Yuck

Ndd135632 · 10/08/2022 08:08

*for a