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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Don't want to open the msg from him

134 replies

Kitten2 · 09/08/2022 21:06

A guy I was quite casually seeing, but got too hung up on and eventually ended it with, has messaged today.

4 hours ago.

I used to open his messages instantly. But I know this will be a set back for me, whatever it says.

It's ruined my evening because now I'm just thinking about it. I was only just starting to feel happy again.

We were in some kind of casual relationship for 6 months, mostly sexual. But we got on well. He was avoidant and hard to read. I didn't think he'd get back in touch. Maybe it's to tell me he's got an STI. Should I open it?! When should I open it?

I don't want to have to keep checking to see if he's read / replied, if I send a response. I absolutely hate that feeling.

OP posts:

Sandcastlesinthesky · 10/08/2022 08:13

Men usually pop up like this at some point after a relationship ends. It’s usually pretty meaningless and just because they’re bored and texting is too easy to do

Jewel7 · 10/08/2022 08:16

He was obviously really hard to get over. I admire your ability to ignore him! I’m to nosy and would want to read it. I suggest if you don’t want to read it delete then block him on everything. You know what is best for you. If he has a tendency to check in or keep you hanging then he is best ignored. Silence is definitely the best lesson for someone who has messed you around.

MaryBlighthouse · 10/08/2022 08:26

Ok, so you opened it and, very predictably, he was asking for a shag. Reply, 'no thanks' then delete and block.

You will feel better in the long run. Don't let him headfuck you again.

category12 · 10/08/2022 08:28

Hope you responded with "Haha, no".

SuperSange · 10/08/2022 08:32

Annabananna1 · 10/08/2022 00:01

It said

'Hey Alice*,
It's been too long. How are you?
I've had a really busy few weeks with work.
We should meet up over the weekend or next week.
I've been thinking about kissing you..'

Urgh.

What a dick. Just don't reply, leave him in read. Arsehole.

KettrickenSmiled · 10/08/2022 08:37

The sooner you delete & block (or even respond, then delete & block) the sooner you will be back on the road to stop giving this man such an unhealthy amount of headspace.

I hope you are doing ok OP. Also that you are not spiralling into upset due to his message, the cheeky fucker. Because you needn't be upset - you can be properly angry about his attempt to reel you back in. He knows how he treated you, he knows why you ended it - yet he feels entitled to hurt you all over again, just because he has a hard-on.

Be angry OP.
Then delete, block, & keep going forward.
Soon as you have done that, you can view this message-out-of-the-blue episode as the tiny blip it is, in an otherwise much happier life.

eggsandbaconeveryday · 10/08/2022 08:41

Annabananna1 · 10/08/2022 00:01

It said

'Hey Alice*,
It's been too long. How are you?
I've had a really busy few weeks with work.
We should meet up over the weekend or next week.
I've been thinking about kissing you..'

Urgh.

definitely a booty call. Block , delete and never give him head space again. You are worth more than that and deserve better

ColettesEarrings · 10/08/2022 08:43

Send the 😂emoji, possibly accompanied by 'yeah right!' and then block immediately on every channel.

AllJustATrialOfErrors · 10/08/2022 08:51

Read it. Deal with the content then block him. Move on, love 💐

Letussee · 10/08/2022 08:51

@Annabananna1 this ones “easy” since you’re on top here. If you don’t know what to do, do nothing. That you’ve read it (double tick in WhatsApp, say) but not replied is a MAJOR put down (to him). Of course, if you don’t want to risk him writing to you again then absolutely block - everywhere - as others have said. He’ll get the message. And you get to move on with your new life!

wheresmymojo · 10/08/2022 08:55

I actually think it would hurt his ego more just to reply

🤣

And then block

rainbowstardrops · 10/08/2022 09:00

@Kitten2 did you open it???

InquiringMinds · 10/08/2022 09:01

From past experience, I would just block him. You have moved on and opening his message will just mess with your head all over again. You don’t need that now you are in a happier place.

midsomermurderess · 10/08/2022 09:06

rainbowstardrops · 10/08/2022 09:00

@Kitten2 did you open it???

Read her posts! ?????!!

liveforsummer · 10/08/2022 09:07

Read her posts! ?????!!

It's a bit harder tbf when the OP name changes half way through.

MistyRock · 10/08/2022 09:15

liveforsummer · 10/08/2022 09:07

Read her posts! ?????!!

It's a bit harder tbf when the OP name changes half way through.

Agreed. Very confusing when there's no longer an original op to follow.

10HailMarys · 10/08/2022 09:26

Someone I had a very similar 'relationship' with used to do this to me - suddenly message out of the blue. I won't bore you with the details but the situation was extremely similar to yours.

It's his way of boosting his ego by keeping you hanging on. He knows full well what effect his messages have. As it was you that ended things, he wants to prove that he's still got you wrapped around his little finger.

Personally, I would either delete it unread and block him, or read it solely to satisfy my curiosity, and then whatever it says, still block him without replying. Even if it says 'Actually I've realised you're The One, please marry me' or 'I have terminal cancer' or 'I have realised what a shit I've been and I promise I have changed' or something. Whatever it says, it will be written solely for his own gain and will just fuck you up if you get into a conversation with him. Do not let him keep manipulating you like this; it's torture. I promise you that he is a giant arsehole. This is textbook stuff, really. You are better than this.

Ihatethenewlook · 10/08/2022 09:32

Ignore and block

Moon22 · 10/08/2022 09:47

Keeping you on the long finger for when he wants you, by the sound of it.
I would probably reply as wouldn't be able not to! Say that you don't want to meet up as was a waste of time last time/he doesn't meet your needs etc.. You've met someone new and you have plans with him next few weekends.

Hopeandlove · 10/08/2022 09:47

Just don’t reply or reply with 🤮

Bloodyel · 10/08/2022 09:48

I'm sorry op but that message is awful and disrespectful. Just ignore it now you've read it. I think reading it was the right thing to do but we're all different. If it was me I'd let the message make me angry and then let myself feel glad I'm over it.

Isaidnoalready · 10/08/2022 09:51

If you really want to reply just say I've moved on I suggest you do the same and block

liveforsummer · 10/08/2022 09:51

Is not ignore - he's going to just assume no need is good news and will pop up again in another month. Just the Ha, no! 😆 will do. Short and clear. A closed responses fine to ignore after that as you've made it obvious instead of him imagining you're sitting there considering it.

MintyCedricRidesAgain · 10/08/2022 09:53

"Hey...I'm fine thanks.
Have got a really busy few weeks at work coming up so won't be able to meet up.
All the best."

The delete and block

liveforsummer · 10/08/2022 09:54

Oh no- that suggests she would if she was able. Don't want him thinking that

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