Would you get the ick if you were called "boobs"?!

[Namechange85]

As the title says really. I've been casually dating a guy for around 2 and half months, so far I've had no reason to complain he's been nothing but lovely.

Last night I added a little affectionate word after the goodnight text, nothing heavy, just a welsh word for my darling. He replied with goodnight boobs!!!

It has totally put me off him as I feel that's all I must be to him. Am I overreacting?!

I wouldn't be that upset over it. Sometimes stupid things via text get misinterpreted or out of proportion.

He might like ur boobs and also you!!

Tbh I would just say it upset me so he didn't do it again. I don't think it means he sees you as a pair of boobs.

So where do you fit in? Can I ask what age you are?

No you're not. It's immature and gross. Makes him sound like he's 12....and actually, I think many 12 year olds would eye roll at an adult calling their girlfriend 'boobs'.

You can't remotely know after 10 weeks of messaging (talk is cheap - and it sounds as though you've barely been in his actual presence!) what sort of Dad he is. It's possible that he's using his kids as an excuse to see you infrequently ('adore'??? Bit much tbf...)
The boobs retort was designed to burst your romantic notions bubble - at least he's being straight with you about how he views the relationship 🤷‍♀️

When a man tells you who he is, listen. He’s told you he’s selfish. That’s who he is. And he won’t try to be anything else, because he’s been up front about it so you have all the info you need.

Honestly I’d get over the boobs thing, but as parents we’re all still capable of caring about and for other people as well as our kids. Being a dad doesn’t preclude him from being a decent partner too.

I’m sorry OP, how disappointing.

I could understand him texting something stupid like that because he was caught off guard or was having a joke that sounded better in his head and he instantly regretted it. But the fact that he didn’t say “god yeah I’m so sorry it came out one” after you questioned it is the decider for me. I’d be saying goodbye.

I wouldn't necessarily view the "boobs" name as evidence that he just sees you as body parts or just wants you for sex. That's a big leap.

You've called him "cariad" which he may have thought was a bit full on when you've only been dating 10 weeks. I suspect his response was a clumsy attempt to make a joke about terms of endearment.

He's not a mind reader so won't know you're upset. Just message him. "Were you trying to make a joke with the boob reference? It's grossed me out a bit tbh. Please don't call me that again." I'm sure you'll get an explanation and an apology.

He messaged me last night basically saying I'm guessing you don't like me calling you that, I'm so sorry it was just a bad attempt at a name (as I'd been cool with him throughout the day).

We spoke on the phone and I explained that I was really upset that he viewed me purely as a pair of boobs. He was really embarrassed and said of course he doesn't see me like that, he's just a person who jokes about a lot and it was a really poor attempt to be funny. He said he expected a message straight back saying goodnight penis or something along those lines.

I could overlook this but maybe the fact that we see each other so infrequently is the issue I have deep down.

Thanks for all your advice

I think his message sounded sincere. I would give him a chance (even though before your update I thought his boobs message was immature), depends on how he behaves after this. I put up with childish behaviour for too long in my last relationship of 6 months, because every time he was so sincere in his apologies, but I just had enough in the end, he was a negger.

He's not from the North West is he? How old is he?

I've just seen he's in his 30's, divorced with a child, sorry for not reading properly!

It sounds like he does just think of you as a sex object and when you got a bit affectionate, he quickly positioned his intent as sexual and not relationship.

In any context it is pretty bad but when someone has just called you by an affectionate term it is even more rude.

Ditch him op.

It was a weird message but like you say if he can't make time for you and you're not able to spend time together then that's a bigger issue. Is that something you're able to talk to him about? You seem very understanding about his kids but if he can't offer the relationship you're looking for then I wouldn't sell yourself short as a friendly texting/ phone buddy. You sound like someone with a lot of love to give and deserve similar in return.

You said though that he's planning trip abroad soon though and social events with friends. Does this not mean the likelihood of seeing each other more often? Once you've met the friends etc so more intertwined in his life rather than separate?

He did tell me last month that he had pre booked weekends away etc throughout the summer holidays. He also works terrible shifts which means 2 out of 3 weeks he's working evenings. Coupled with the fact I have almost sole responsibility for my DC it makes it really difficult to find time to see each other.

I've decided to see how things pan out after the summer holidays, if I still feel like we're phone friends, which is exactly what it seems at present, then I'll need to be honest and tell him in time I'll want more than that.