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Original poster

What does my married colleague want?

108 replies

Swiftie2022 · 08/08/2022 15:41

I slept with my colleague on two separate business trips. The second time he said he had too much to risk losing - he has kids and feels like a bad Father.

We said we would be friends - he particularly stressed he wanted this to be the case because it’s not just physical.

We chat a fair bit both during and outside of working hours but I can’t help feel that conversation sometimes crosses the line. Also realistically why does a man 10 years older than me want to be my friend? He’s sent me screenshots about his vasectomy etc and I thought you would avoid any subject like that given our history.

the other day he knew I was upset by a colleague so offered to ring me when he was driving to collect friends - was this because then his wife wouldn’t know? He asked me for book recommendations for his holiday but I haven’t heard from him since he got there.

I just feel very confused about what he wants and is getting out of this weird situation of still flirting and joking but nothing physical. Is it an emotional affair territory, or is he just using me to get an ego boost to feel desirable? Or is he just trying to keep me warm incase he changes his mind?

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 08/08/2022 15:43

🙄what do you think?????

AramintaLee · 08/08/2022 15:43

He wants to shag you still and is testing the waters. Once you've crossed that line, it's almost impossible to go back.

IceStationZebra · 08/08/2022 15:46

Is it an emotional affair territory, or is he just using me to get an ego boost to feel desirable? Or is he just trying to keep me warm incase he changes his mind?

All of these. Stop messaging him.

Terriblethirtytwos · 08/08/2022 15:48

Does it even matter? He’s married.

FrancescaContini · 08/08/2022 15:51

This is hilarious 😆 How old are you, OP?

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 08/08/2022 15:52

Better ask yourself what you are getting out of it. Be honest.

Did you like the answer?

Dartmoorcheffy · 08/08/2022 15:55

Also realistically why does a man 10 years older than me want to be my friend? because you are an easy shag with no morals. Is that not obvious?

BiscuitsNT · 08/08/2022 15:56

He hasn't fallen in love with you. He isn't confused or in turmoil. He is not torn. You are not special. He could and would have done this with others. He wants to make sure he doesn't piss you off enough to tell his wife (keep friends close, keep enemies closer) or to make it awkward at work. He wants his cake and eat it.
He also wants an open door option to have sex with you again but in his little head he thinks if this happens then he's already made it clear to you that he just wants friendship and won't leave his wife so he is grooming you for a FWB situation. He has his nice little family life and good husband image, has his lovely work with no drama, then has an exciting new pussy to fuck and empty his Jaffa in every now and then without her expecting anything serious or long term from him. I hope this helps you understand what 'your married colleague want'.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/08/2022 15:57

Why does having sex with a married man depend on him changing this mind? That implies you'd be up for more sex if he would just agree. Where's your own boundaries and standards?

He's enjoying knowing you're sat around waiting for him to bestow his mighty penis on you.

AryaStarkWolf · 08/08/2022 15:58

but I haven’t heard from him since he got there.

Probably because he's with his wife

I feel sorry for his wife, have some respect for yourself and for her and cut this ass hole off

BiscuitsNT · 08/08/2022 15:59

Oh this is gold. I forgot to comment on the 'why does a man 10 years older want friendship with me for'. Yeah, love because that's really what's so striking here. You had no problem taking this 10 year older dick inside you. He was good enough for that and you didn't wonder then.

butterflied · 08/08/2022 16:00

Also realistically why does a man 10 years older than me want to be my friend?

Realistically, you don't really have to ask this question, do you?

Aquamarine1029 · 08/08/2022 16:00

Your judgement is absolutely appalling.

butterflied · 08/08/2022 16:02

BiscuitsNT · 08/08/2022 15:56

He hasn't fallen in love with you. He isn't confused or in turmoil. He is not torn. You are not special. He could and would have done this with others. He wants to make sure he doesn't piss you off enough to tell his wife (keep friends close, keep enemies closer) or to make it awkward at work. He wants his cake and eat it.
He also wants an open door option to have sex with you again but in his little head he thinks if this happens then he's already made it clear to you that he just wants friendship and won't leave his wife so he is grooming you for a FWB situation. He has his nice little family life and good husband image, has his lovely work with no drama, then has an exciting new pussy to fuck and empty his Jaffa in every now and then without her expecting anything serious or long term from him. I hope this helps you understand what 'your married colleague want'.

All of this. But you know already, OP. You can't be that naive.

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 08/08/2022 16:02

He wants to fuck you on business trips and then go home to his wife and children and continue with his happy home life.

Suprima · 08/08/2022 16:03

He wants to fuck you again if given the chance

If you think he’s in emotional turmoil because he’s actually in love with you, you need to give your head a massive bloody wobble

this was a sad read

MaryBlighthouse · 08/08/2022 16:03

BiscuitsNT · 08/08/2022 15:56

He hasn't fallen in love with you. He isn't confused or in turmoil. He is not torn. You are not special. He could and would have done this with others. He wants to make sure he doesn't piss you off enough to tell his wife (keep friends close, keep enemies closer) or to make it awkward at work. He wants his cake and eat it.
He also wants an open door option to have sex with you again but in his little head he thinks if this happens then he's already made it clear to you that he just wants friendship and won't leave his wife so he is grooming you for a FWB situation. He has his nice little family life and good husband image, has his lovely work with no drama, then has an exciting new pussy to fuck and empty his Jaffa in every now and then without her expecting anything serious or long term from him. I hope this helps you understand what 'your married colleague want'.

All of this.

hotfroth · 08/08/2022 16:07

he has kids and feels like a bad Father
No mention of having a wife and feeling like a bad husband, then?

He is particularly keen on the two of you being 'just friends' because he wants you to accept that he is not going to leave his wife and family for you. He would, however, like to be 'friends' and carry on the business trip shags.

All your colleagues have probably guessed what's been going on, by the way.

Carrotmum · 08/08/2022 16:09

He’s just keeping you on standby in case his wife discovers he’s a cheating scumbag and throws him out.

35965a · 08/08/2022 16:11

An ego boost, obviously. You would be much better not sleeping with married men. Less confusion for you.

Staynow · 08/08/2022 16:20

Funny he didn't think of his kids and the lives he'd ruin before he shagged you for the first time, what a prick. You being his friend is particularly important to him to ensure you don't tell his wife who he's now on holiday with so you have been forgotten - but don't worry I'm sure he'll remember you on his next business trip.

You shagged him twice despite him being married so he assumes you have no boundaries and will be happy hearing about his vasectomy - imagine all the contraception free sex you can have if he is kind enough to decide to let you have a good seeing to again! You might want to suggest his wife gets an STD test, who knows how many women's needs he'll be looking after now he doesn't have to worry about getting them pregnant.

You're both grim, get some self respect.

Sims400 · 08/08/2022 16:22

Why did you sleep with a married man 🤷‍♀️

PawPrintsInMyPansies · 08/08/2022 16:28

You’ve posted about this before. It’s not some great love story.
stop communicating with this man.
get another job.

AMindNeedsBooks · 08/08/2022 16:29

He still wants to cheat on his wife with you but doesn't want you getting any ideas its more than a casual arrangement or that he would ever leave his family.

STOP messing about with married men. This man is not your friend, he is a lying cheat. Keep it strictly professional from now on and work on your self esteem.

ElizaJones · 08/08/2022 16:30

It means he wants a fuck buddy and nothing else. You don’t matter to him beyond that.