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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What does my married colleague want?

108 replies

Swiftie2022 · 08/08/2022 15:41

I slept with my colleague on two separate business trips. The second time he said he had too much to risk losing - he has kids and feels like a bad Father.

We said we would be friends - he particularly stressed he wanted this to be the case because it’s not just physical.

We chat a fair bit both during and outside of working hours but I can’t help feel that conversation sometimes crosses the line. Also realistically why does a man 10 years older than me want to be my friend? He’s sent me screenshots about his vasectomy etc and I thought you would avoid any subject like that given our history.

the other day he knew I was upset by a colleague so offered to ring me when he was driving to collect friends - was this because then his wife wouldn’t know? He asked me for book recommendations for his holiday but I haven’t heard from him since he got there.

I just feel very confused about what he wants and is getting out of this weird situation of still flirting and joking but nothing physical. Is it an emotional affair territory, or is he just using me to get an ego boost to feel desirable? Or is he just trying to keep me warm incase he changes his mind?

OP posts:

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 09/08/2022 13:11

@ecuse

Well done everyone who never did something ill-advised with an older manipulative dickhead.

Nope, I have NEVER done anything with a man who is in a relationship/married. It's not that fucking hard to keep your hands off attached men and tell them to fuck off if they come on to you. MOST women have no problem not shagging married men. So just DO ONE with your 'well done everyone who never did something with an older manipulative dickhead' nonsense.

I don't know what bizarre world you live in where women do (with regularity) what the OP is doing, but I'm glad I don't live in it!

@Foxglovers

Why is everyone on this thread being so awful to the OP? He is the one who is married, lying, cheating, messing people around? Of course it’s not nice for his wife and family but presumably she doesn’t know them - it’s not for her as a single woman to not sleep with who she wants? He is the one making these choices and clearly perusing it. He’s the awful one.

God I get so sick of this tired old trope being trotted out when a single woman is fucking a married man! Like 'she doesn't owe the wife anything,' and 'HE is the one who made the marriage vows.' Yada yada yada.... Just bore right off with this shit.

The OP is every bit as bad as him, and this wide eyed faux naivety she is portraying on here is pathetic. She knows what she's doing, and is every bit as bad as the married man who she is having this affair with.

hotfroth · 09/08/2022 13:52

While we're all chatting amongst ourselves... is the OP going to come back to the thread, do you think, or has reading so many home truths been too difficult?

vodkaredbullgirl · 09/08/2022 14:03

Dump and ran
Never happened

Aikko · 09/08/2022 14:12

TheOriginalClownfish · 09/08/2022 09:59

The problem here is that what he says is all smooth cheater bullshit. But you think that he's being truthful. He's not.

You are desperately trying to view this as him being irresistibly drawn to you like some sort of spellbound love affair but his actions are telling you something very different from his words.

Telling you that the floor was uncomfortable, then getting into bed, then accidentally having sex were all tactical. It IS possible to get into a bed, even with someone you feel an attraction for, and NOT shag them because you have respect for yourself, respect for your spouse, and even a bit of respect for the other person. He chose to do what he did, deliberately.

He's showing you 'proof' of vasectomy so that you don't start day dreaming of having kids with him, but also more than likely it'll be so that he can ditch condom use with you.

He's on holidays with his wife and kids. If he really was all caught up in the fate of your mutual destiny, he'd be sneaking off and sending you messages or calling you. But he's not. You are out of sight and out of mind and he's not giving you a passing thought.

He's telling you he's guilty but yet, he's shagged you twice at least. So he's not that guilty otherwise he'd be horrified and stop, or confess or all of those. But telling you he's guilty is trying to convince you that he's got some sort of moral code. He doesn't.

He is using you. And when you become an inconvenience to him, or when he thinks you're developing feelings for him or it's threatening his marriage, you'll be cruelly dumped instantly and that budding friendship, that connection you think you have will end instantly. You'll get blanked at work and you'll be humiliated. Please wise up and get rid.

Wise words here.

Spohn · 09/08/2022 14:44

Do you have a fetish for humiliating yourself on the internet? 😄
Any time a mistress makes a post here they always demonstrate how low their intellect is, it’s embarrassing to read.

AryaStarkWolf · 09/08/2022 15:33

vodkaredbullgirl · 09/08/2022 14:03

Dump and ran
Never happened

Wise words here :p

Hillsidehigh · 09/08/2022 17:16

Has he gone to Majorca ?

bluedomino · 12/08/2022 13:41

Tell his wife what he's been doing with you. I guarantee you aren't the first or probably only one. It's so predictable.

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