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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

"Sexting isn't cheating if you'll never meet them"

52 replies

solarbean · 07/08/2022 11:01

I am at the end of my tether with DP.

DP has always seen nudes as no big deal, and would scroll through porn subs on reddit casually throughout the day. I hate it but have been made to feel like I'm the abnormal one as men around me do the same, and a ridiculous number of women I know have adopted the attitude of "well what's wrong with that".

Recently, I've found out that he has not just been scrolling, but actively sexting and messaging with these women. He's never sent any photos back, as far as I'm aware, but he's seen their nudes as they've all got them on their profiles! Confronted DP but he's baffled and thinks there's nothing wrong with it because it's just the internet and just a fantasy as he'll never meet these women. Apparently he talks to them for variety and sometimes just casually when he's bored.

Was clicking around his reddit profile and there was a comment someone else made wrt to someone else's relationship with thousands of upvotes and awards talking about how it's controlling for partners to police online interactions especially if it's just fantasy. Am I the insane one here? DP doesn't seem to care and thinks I'm overreacting over nothing but it feels like he's cheated on me??

OP posts:
supercali77 · 10/08/2022 00:06

Leave him. But I'd honestly be so tempted to openly go on tinder (women dont need to pay men to get sexts) and start messaging with other blokes. He hasn't a leg to stand on, see how he likes it

Doona · 10/08/2022 00:17

solarbean · 09/08/2022 23:59

In a way I guess I was looking for validation that it was cheating because it's easier for me at least to leave then because cheating is something that's concrete instead of this mess where I constantly wonder if I just have unrealistic expectations or if I'm insecure or controlling and need to get over it.

Aside from this, DP is generally great. Caring, splits housework, affectionate. We also jointly bought a house last year and finished with the renovations a couple of months ago. All that down the drain.

Buying a house is nothing to the commitment and difficulties of having children with someone. Getting out now would be relatively easy.

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