Why would he be wearing his 'sexy' underwear to work?

[Excuses5000]

I've NC for this as it's embarrassing.

So my partner works nights in a manual labour job and always has done. Tonight before he left he bent down to give our DD a kiss goodnight and I noticed he was wearing certain underwear.

He only ever wears that underwear when sex is on the cards. He bought it entirely for my benefit or so I thought. It doesn't do much for me to be honest as I'm not particularly into extravagant pants but there we go.

They're not 'everyday' boxers and definitely not the sort of thing you'd want on display to your colleagues which would definitely be the case as there's alot of bending and lifting in his job. Think moving boxes etc.

It took me by surprise so I asked him why he was wearing his "sexy" underwear to work. He said "I'm not" to which I replied that I'd just seen them.

He was tripping over himself to explain how its because they're comfortable and airy. He sweats alot at work and gets hot. He then went on to say that he had put a towel in his bag aswell to use to wipe his head and face when he gets too hot.

Based on my OP alone would you find it suspicious?

I’ll sound really naive but could there be a chance he’s telling the truth? Could he be worried that your doubting him and feeling guilty about the past? He could have sent lots of pictures In the hope to reassure you and because he genuinely feels bad about what
happened before?
Maybe he didn’t tell you the truth about the underwear because he’s embarrassed?

i would speak to him openly tomorrow, tell him exactly how you feel and what you’re thinking. If he starts with stories again then call him out on it.

From experience, the girls number would be saved under another name or not even
saved on his phone at all. He could be using apps to message someone and might delete everything before he returns home from work. He could be sexting on his breaks rather than meeting someone. I know this as my friend who works nights has done this previously. He admitted to his partner after he became overly affectionate some mornings and would return home with stuff for the house- mini food shops out of the blue.

My guess would be he cheated in between dropping kids off and going in late to work, hence no nap and why the photos show he is at work.

I really don’t disbelieve they were taken at work tonight. I’m just saying there is no point playing with Exif if not sent via text message.

Id get into his Google timeline.

My DH reckons the underwear is irrelevant, he may just have felt like wearing them this week. What is relevant is his behaviour day to day and any other evidence. He mentioned chafing, maybe he's got sore from wearing other pants, tried these on and found them comfier? Has he bought cream for chafing or got any sore bits? The fumbled explanation and texts etc could just be that he's embarrassed that you saw them. My DH tells me when he has chafing as he can never find the cream to put on.

Hmm well it's certainly suspicious, the over compensating with the texts etc and the fact he has previous form too. here's what I'd do, act breezy and normal as if he's "satisfied you that all is fine" then turn detective, if there's a trusted friend that drives, maybe tell her you need her help and get her to drive to his work one night to confirm his car as there? Maybe have a look on his Facebook or Instagram for clues... are any random women liking his pics or posts a lot? Is he liking the pics of another woman a lot? Is he commenting on any bodies profile a lot? How is he with his phone? You said he leaves it around etc.. check if he still does or if habits change. His bag... maybe if you get a chance have a look inside, might be a burner phone? Condoms etc.. sounds paranoid to some... but I'm the sort that would rather just know!

I really hope it turns out to be innocent but the past affair is always going to cause doubt. If he was good at lying once, lies will reel off his lips again. The fact that he denied wearing those pants is suspicious, when he could have just said yes, they are cooler for work. You had to force what could have been a reasonable explanation out of him.

He just called me on his break.

He said the towel wrapped around his cold bottle of water keeps both the towel and water bottle cool so the water stays cold for longer and he then has a cold towel to cool himself down with.

He said the air con in the store gets turned off at midnight and him and his workmates all suffer with the humidity when they're working and he's always sweating cobs through the night. He's on the shop floor until 7am and not in the warehouse.

It's the refrigerator aisle with the fresh meat etc which is cold and not the frozen aisle he's working on as the freezers are all sealed with closed doors.

He reminded me of the fact he made a point of wearing those boxers after he had his vasectomy because they're much more tight and supportive than his usual loose style ones and dont chafe his thighs.

I must say it all sounds very believable and if it weren't for his 'indiscretion' years ago i wouldn't have thought anything of it. Unfortunately his past behaviour and how he reacted when I questioned it has given me the cause for concern.

Well that's it, surely the OP's husband would have mentioned the chafing. We know how blokes love to make a meal of little things like that, instead of doing what we do and just sort it.

He's just chock full of explanations.

Thing is though, why did he say he wasn't wearing them in the first place? Maybe one to ask him when you can. They go themselves no favours when they can't get even the simplest of things straight.

Just remember, he's behaved unusually, he has form, he became very flustered when challenged. Regardless of whether he's cheating, he has caused you to be suspicious with his actions. Don't let him flip this around on you and make you feel like an arsehole!

I'd still be discreetly taking a look at his phone

He does tend to get sore on his inner thighs from chafing yes, especially in the hotter months. He has mentioned it alot over the years. I'm not sure if he's using anything for it but we do have plenty he could be using, liquid talc etc.

Thank you all. I'm definitely going to try and get a look at his phone tomorrow and I'll be on alert for anything else suspicious.

When he cheated before there were no signs for the first couple of months as he managed to tie everything in with his work. The signs started to show when OW was pressing him for more of his time after work which he couldn't give a believable explanation to me for.

I confronted him on his way out of the door and a few hours later he admitted it.

I'll be damned if he takes me for a fool again.

Try and get as much as a decent night's sleep as you can. You and the little ones come first xxxx

Oh FFS. His behaviour should tell you all you need to know. Unfortunately he now knows you're suspicious so you won't be able to feet any proof. Dont fall for the sad face.

See, the thing that cheaters (and sometimes their spouses/partners) often don't realize when they choose to 'move past it' is that you can't truly 'move past it'.

Cheating leaves a legacy and it's one of distrust. That distrust can sit hidden in the back of one's brain for years, but at the least (or biggest) hint it will pop out and say "He/She is CHEATING AGAIN!". And that's where OP is finding herself. 'Sexy' pants = cheating because where there's been smoke in the past, there's surely fire now.

I'm not saying whether OP's DP is cheating or not. She'll have to figure that one out for herself. But he can't prove he isn't and she (at least for now) can't prove he is. She's either going to have to grit her teeth (once again) and accept what he says at face value, or decide that he IS cheating no matter what he says and regardless of any 'proof' or lack thereof.

I wouldn't want to live that way. If DH cheated on me, I'd be gone. And he feels the same way as I do.

Unless OP's DP consents to wearing a tracker 24 hours a day, this is probably going to happen again. He won't be where he's supposed to, he'll be late home, or perhaps he'll cut his hair differently or decide to drop a few pounds. To those of us with 'non cheating' spouses/DPs that would hardly raise an eyebrow. But to someone whose spouse/DP has cheated, it will (rightly or wrongly) be a huge red flag.

Babes, I hope you’re ok:(((
can u ask any of his mates at work or ring the manager and get them to put you through x

I'm sorry you are going through this OP.
He is just giving more and more elaborate explanations isn't he?

My guess is the towel is hiding condoms and possibly to clean himself afterwards which probably means sex is happening in a car or while on a break.

The pants is one thing but there are too many others - the change in his routine, not having a nap, texting you about picking up baby stuff, falling over himself with explanations about everything else.

I don't know how you can collect evidence but with a baby and young child, its good to know with as much certainty as you can with someone like him. I guess a lot of snooping, tracking his movements but its a miserable position to be in when you should be enjoying your baby. The tracking devices sound like a good idea but so extreme too and maybe not even legal.
Do you have friends or family nearby? Somebody you can talk to?

Does he always work on the freezer aisle? If he gets moved about the water and towel could be explained.

It does sound very suspicious. A change in behaviour to leave earlier without a nap, his over reaction, the fishing messages and over explanations. Now it just seemed like he’s had time to get his story a bit more put together to tell it more confidently, but it doesn’t add up. Sorry this must be very stressful, especially being unable to do much with the two young sleep DC and admire you keeping so calm. All the best OP.

I really do believe once a cheat always a cheat. DS’s dad does night shifts in a supermarket and gets 2 45 minute breaks.

You forgot - excuse the pun!