Why would he be wearing his 'sexy' underwear to work?

[Excuses5000]

I've NC for this as it's embarrassing.

So my partner works nights in a manual labour job and always has done. Tonight before he left he bent down to give our DD a kiss goodnight and I noticed he was wearing certain underwear.

He only ever wears that underwear when sex is on the cards. He bought it entirely for my benefit or so I thought. It doesn't do much for me to be honest as I'm not particularly into extravagant pants but there we go.

They're not 'everyday' boxers and definitely not the sort of thing you'd want on display to your colleagues which would definitely be the case as there's alot of bending and lifting in his job. Think moving boxes etc.

It took me by surprise so I asked him why he was wearing his "sexy" underwear to work. He said "I'm not" to which I replied that I'd just seen them.

He was tripping over himself to explain how its because they're comfortable and airy. He sweats alot at work and gets hot. He then went on to say that he had put a towel in his bag aswell to use to wipe his head and face when he gets too hot.

Based on my OP alone would you find it suspicious?

Kerrrmieee · Today 03:06
Man says he prefers wearing those pants and has been wearing more of the same all week.
Sure enough said other pants of same sexy type have been washed and are now drying.
99% MN he's cheating!!!
I don't see it.*

Same here! This thread is insane!

At first I thought it was dodgy. On reflection if my dh wanted photos of me at work because he thought I was in my sexy knickers, I’d think it was controlling tbh.

icelollycraving · Today 07:34
At first I thought it was dodgy. On reflection if my dh wanted photos of me at work because he thought I was in my sexy knickers, I’d think it was controlling tbh.

I agree with this controlling aspect. If a woman came on here and said “My DH commented on my underwear, which I’m wearing as it’s cooler, he won’t answer my texts and is asking for photos of me at work”. Everyone would tell her he’s controlling and to tell him to mind his own business.

Spot on!

MN for some reason get a thrill of boosting insecurities.

In case he got accused by his wife and 200 strangers of cheating?

Wow those pants are truly hideous, they turn you on? 🫣 I can only imagine very very few people being turned on by them, except perhaps a fellow warehouseman if they were into shaven guys and mesh fabrics? Alas he may also just like the airiness of them. Or just simply wanted to wear them for work?

I wonder if this was reversed and OP was being pestered as to why she was wearing her sexy underwear to work if the responses would be the same?

Why would he need fancy underwear for a quickie behind the baked beans. It’s not as if there would be time to fully appreciate them in a wham-bam situation. And a canned goods or frozen fish background isn’t really conducive to a slow sexy build up either is it.
I reckon that if he’s at work then he isn’t cheating.
Not tonight anyway and certainly not with a woman !

Likewise.

The point about the towel seems perfectly sensible. So what if he hasn't done it before? Maybe it's only just occurred to him, maybe he noticed what one of his workmates does.

Hmmm I dunno his story is plausible but his past means you’re always right to be suspicious. If anyone tried to come at me in those boxers though, I’d be running a mile 🤢🤢🤢. They look like the medical ones that hold a slip pad in place if someone is incontinent!

Nothing at all suspicious about wrapping a towel or tea towel around a water bottle. I live in a hot country and routinely do this.

Great. But this is the UK and I have never seen anyone do that here.

Don't doggers take towels to meetings to wipe their bits afterwards.

I don't know, it just seems a bit obvious to wear those if you both call them his sex pants, surely if he was having an affair then he'd be more discrete? But then why did he lie about wearing them?

Surely he’d still be at work? He couldn’t just take an entire shift off, in order to facilitate an affair? So the photos must be true and he’d be there!! It’s the before and after work and breaks that could be the issue.

so yes, he’s sent you pics of him at work in his uniform looking sad. Because he IS at work.

my heart goes out to you. That sickening feeling all night.

Please let us know you’re ok this morning on his return

The simplest explanation usually gives you the answer. Sorry OP.

If I had underwear considered 'sexy' and my partner tried to control when and where I wore it, I would not be happy. I'll wear what makes me feel good and comfortable and sexy, whenever and wherever and however I want to.

Yours sounds like a mistrustful and controlling relationship OP - understandable given the history. That's the issue, irrespective of his underwear and whether or not he's cheating on you.

Non of the circumstances are damming but his reaction seems over the top and suspicious. His willingness to send pictures proves nothing.

I doubt she’d be able to just swan in to the back of the supermarket, which is usually marked for staff only. Floor staff wouldn’t really know if he’s there or not unless they’ve specifically seen him. I’m always amazed at the ‘turn up at their work’ suggestions, in all my working life I’ve never witnessed someone turning up at work to have a confrontation with their partner 😁

Just because you haven’t seen someone do it doesn’t mean others don’t know about it. But I guess you know everything that everyone in the UK does and knows? 🤷🏻‍♀️ People on here are unbelievable!

If someone only ever wears certain underwear for sex and I have some underwear that is for display and not at all practical then it is normal to ask. Ditto if I eg wore a going out dress and make up to go to they gym.

He has also taken a towel which he’s never done before even when there was a heatwave.

And this messaging is also out of character.

If he wasn’t guilty, he’d have just quickly explained that he gets quite hot and last week thought he’d try those pants as they may be cooler and it works. That’s it. Not the whole in detail explanation and weird guilt texting. And also a towel. And also the no nap that he always takes. Maybe he was too excited to sleep or spent a while getting ready/having a shower. Or maybe he was planning on going to OW’s tonight but has been rumbled so turned up at work. Or it’s someone at work or is clocking off early.

His texts are really gaslighting, which to me is just as bad as cheating. In places he is basicly implying you have no right or reason to doubt him. When of course you do! He's wearing sex pants to work! How dare he make you feel in the wrong for perfectly reasonable suspicions?!

As for the whole, pics at work thing, so what? They could be old pics. Or more likely, he has gone into work just to throw you off the scent.
The whole 'I'm taking a towl' thing made me think - quickie with a prostitute. Has he form for using sex workers? Cause he could see one of them in the space of half an hour before work, in his car.

He just feels 'off' op. I think he is a liar and a cheat. But there's PROOF that he is a gaslighter and that instead of caring about your feelings and trying to make you feel secure, he is choosing to make you feel like shit and like you are the bad guy. That's not decent human being material. Let alone partner material.

Agree.

He obviously thinks they’re sexy even if op doesn’t.

The simplest answer IS that he finds them cooler, however I totally understand why, based on the past, you're worried.

I'm on the fence to be honest, and it's because he lied, however, I also get why he may have lied in the first instance, and I can really see anybody doing the same thing as a knee jerk reaction- he knew what you were thinking and didn't want to set off a chain of events whereby he's accused of cheating again and you lose even more trust. Even the text afterwards, yes he's testing the water because he's worried, but maybe he's worried because he knows what you're thinking.

I do agree with asking to see his phone, but I'd leave it a couple of weeks, wait until he thinks things have settled down again and then just randomly ask to see it there and then, if he's innocent he may be pissed off but he should hand it over. That's what I'd do, I'd say nothing more for now

It all sounds pretty suspicious to me. Especially lying about wearing the pants and then mentioning the towel for no reason.

However, I would have worried less about photographic evidence of bring at work as I imagine any plans he had last night changed once you'd become suspicious.

Just be cautious for any future strange behaviour

So he's been questioned about his choice of underwear, questioned about a towel and to explain why it's needed, asked to take photos in his workplace.

If it's innocent, and I think it is, why does he agree to all this crap. I know he cheated before, but this cross examining of him is way ott.

That wasn't what he originally said though.

She asked why he was wearing the pants and he said he wasn't. If it was just for comfort why did he not say that....