Is it ever possible to beat a narcissist at their own games?

[MeltdownCentral1]

Is it? I just want justice.

I really do try to walk away and not engage. Last time I did the person called me into a side office and had a huge rant. It wasn't me getting sucked in, I am very conflict avoidant in general and just want a peaceful life. On this occasion I did say my piece (as others have done in the past) as I am fed up of being treated like the dirt under their shoes. We all have limits and a lot of stuff came up - anger and hurt at how they have behaved in the past as well as that incident. It felt like a watershed but also a bit dangerous as they know my true feelings now and I don't know how that might be used against me.

I can't walk away from my job just now, for a number of reasons including health and finance (maybe in a few years when alternative is built) so it's just a case of managing things for now. The person is in my direct team so I have to deal day to day. Manager is understanding as she also had bullying issues in the past but its hard for her as it's one person's word against another unless there are witnesses. The Narc is quite clever at behaving badly when its only 1:1.

Hello all. Wow, I didn't expect so many responses. I guess the message is loud and clear- cut them off like a gangrenous limb. I'm afraid to give more context as it's such a specific situation and I fear being identified (probably a little paranoid too).

My difficulty is that while I cut the narc off 6 years ago, he's still using his tactics on those close to me who just cannot muster the strength to cut him off, out of guilt (he's family). It's really difficult to watch them tolerate his abuse when there's such a clear way out. They're just not ready to go NC and over the years his abuse and controlling behaviour has just skyrocketed. I just wondered if there's anything I can do to stop him for good, but there probably isn't and perhaps I need to accept that I can't save said family members if they don't want to save themselves. But it's bloody hard.

I think the answer to your question is that the only way you will beat them at their own game is to play it like them but with even more rage.

I think for most decent people, making that change to themselves, to their values and behaviour, would end up destroying their sense of peace with themselves and that is too large a price to pay for revenge over a narcissist.

I still look back at times when we were married and I went along with some of his plans when I had no idea that they were designed to make him look great and others small, only later at the big reveal to see the cruelty. I wish I had seen it before and opted out- but I honestly had no idea and my mind could not contemplate that level of nastiness. I was basically kind, decent and didn't lie and so I naively believed his lies and schemes thinking he was the same.

Although I lost so much to that man, I refuse to lower myself to his level and the only way to do that is to disengage and refuse to play.

There may be a way to beat them at another game with rules not of their making.......

@stormsurfer, You have described my experience. I went along with his plans but realise now he caused drama and I was then blamed. I has zero awareness of narcisstic people - the assumption I had was that I would be able to spot the bad guys but highly manipulative people are masters of deceit. Years later some lies are only now being revealed yet at the time I genuinely he was extremely honest. He literally hid who he was.

I'm now mostly NC except rare contact re children. I think his new supply is very similar to him so I think it will be interesting to see how they try to manipulate each other.

Narcs are very powerful and magnetic especially when in charming mode . They are also very good at planting seeds in peoples heads and good at getting others to do their dirty work for them . It's best to try and go under their radar and avoid as much as possible. Every workplace has one

I'd imagine that knowing I'm in a long term relationship, living in a nice little house, having had stable employment, improved health, etc, really, really pisses him off in down periods where he hasn't got a more pressing current feud/obsession/victim in his sights to concentrate upon. And his failure to convince DP, my employers, the RSPCA, Benefits Compliance (as I didn't claim any benefits) and probably all and sundry that I'm a malevolent force of nature that must be instantly dumped/fired/arrested despite his 'proof' - evidence of his previous malicious reports - must rankle somewhat, too.

Whatever. He's welcome to his life of sofa surfing between victims, chasing outward symbols of success largely unsuccessfully and being permanently unhappy.

@Fireflygal sorry you had similar. It's soul destroying.