Is it ever possible to beat a narcissist at their own games?

[MeltdownCentral1]

Is it? I just want justice.

The only way is to burn the whole house down, metaphorically speaking. You burn, they burn.

I've got to the point past wanting revenge, realise why no contact is advised and just want to sell the property we own and disappear.

No good will come of having any reason to deal with them and you getting away from them is actually their worst fear and the therefore essentially your revenge.

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Op - it does depend on the relationship- I’m tackling a (I can only say suspected psychopath/at least narcissist) via court (not family court) for SA. I’ve lost most “battles” so far but I’m keeping the war going. I kind of hope he burns out - unlikely though as he’s an NHS consultant with a big law firm behind him. I’m not sure grey rock works in these sorts of situations- it depends what is at stake. In my case it’s my reputation and mental health and my daughter’s medical care. I’d fight tooth and nail for any of those factors, but combined… no chance I’m letting it go

This is, of course, ultimately a v sad story. My dad is a narcissist- horrible man. Grew up with him controlling everything my dm did, lots of DV. It was all about him. My mum would never leave him. I live half a world away. They are in their early 70s. DM was diagnosed with early onset diagnosed. DV was increasing and Mum just needed to be safe so siblings got her into a home on a DV order (not UK). She is now non verbal, wears nappies - such a sad decline for her. But we have managed for the past 2.5 years to never let him see her! He is not allowed to visit. He bullshits that he sees her, but he does not. Tells everyone about the great injustice to him that he cannot see his wife. In a desperately sad situation, I know my DM would be happy to know he is raging that he is now unable to control her (though he continues the lie that he sees her to everyone). So, mum has got her revenge, although at a very high cost.

The best and only way to deal with them is to cut them off from your life and have no contact.

They thrive on attention and games so the best revenge is just to enjoy your life without them and show that they no longer have any influence or power on you...

Ive never heard the phrase "fooled John and the manipulative prostitute" but I like it. Do you mean the narcissist plays the role of the fooled John? While they're actually aware that they are being manipulated?

I don't think a true narc would accept to themselves they had lost anyway.
They would think they had come out on top even though they haven't.

The best thing is to not engage. Go no contact. Ghost them.

You will never truly win. A true narcissist has zero empathy so there is absolutely no limits on the length they will go to. Any average person will have boundaries as to how far they will go (I.e. not cause physical harm to someone). A narcissist doesn't think like this. Once you declare war with a true narcissist they will unleash their true self on you and do everything within their power to destroy you. It is truly terrifying how far a person with zero empathy will go. And whilst your life is destroyed, they are laughing, the whole thing amuses them as they just do not care what destruction they cause and enjoy making people feel weak and powerless. You may win temporary battles, but the narcissist will always be plotting to get their revenge so my advice is to stay well clear.

My greatest win over my narc ex was to dump him by text, and never ever speak to him again. He tried and tried to get in touch and I just ignored him, he hated this and he moved quickly on to his next victim.

@dizzydizzydizzy, Do you have plans to leave?

Ex H believes life is a chess board, he plots way ahead to determine how to beat someone. I can't match his effort or manipulative behaviour, so he will always win...and I wouldn't want to. I like being me, kind, straightforward and empathic.

No contact is the best revenge. They loathe it as it means they don't matter to you.

My ex-Fi's mother was a narcissist, imo. Refusing to battle her did not work, it just meant that she succeeded in turning my fi against me. Tbh I still don't think there was any way to win in that situation.

I've known a narcissist since then. I tell them whatever they want to hear, and consequently they love me which gives me an easy life. So I suppose I've won there?!

Yes. Currently concocting a plan.

Ultimately, they will punish you for it.
Anything you do will be met with fierce retaliation. Narcissists gave to have the last word. They have to 'win'.

Unless there's a tactic whereby you've done then harm but they think you've ruined yourself in the process. Or they think you are suffering even though you aren't... if they THINK they've won, you arguably win. But of course, they'll still be smug and self satisfied so it's not really a 'fuck you' to them.

Tbf though. They aren't worth the telling. They'll always think they are the dogs bollocks.

Best thing to do is just get out safe and live a happy life.

Also,it's you said: 'their own game'.
Fuck them and fuck their game. Your life isn't a chessboard where they get to play you. An even if it was - just get up and walk away.

Fuck them and fuck their game

Best line on the thread!

Completely. However, speaking from experience if you ever intend on challenging behaviour put your phone on audio record in your pocket. That way when they try to lie and say you did XYZ you can defend yourself.

However, be prepared for the onslaught of I can't believe you would ruin my privacy, yayaya.

No, you can't.
They are fundamentally broken.
If you choose to go into battle with a narc, it will destroy you for years to come.

If you are out, stay out and be thankful for each day of no contact.

Having said that, I did have a tiny win against my narc ex, when he stole our car under the lie that he would sell it and we would split the proceeds. Months passed and he eventually sent me a message confirming the value of (very expensive) car was 20k lower than it actually was, when I realised he was never going to give me my money I changed the password on the car advert (which I had set up and paid for) then lowered the price to the one he confirmed it was at 6am on a Saturday morning. He had to switch his phone off we had so Manaus many many enquiries, and he couldn't do anything about it until the Monday.

I did feel a bit better.

narcs have no humility and no stop button where normal people would start questioning their integrity. The charlatan will always take it a step further and also have people turn against you as they are technically bullies after all.

This^

Except IME narcs are bullies. Wolf in sheep's clothing. The narc's use of charisma and charm is equal to the anger, manipulation, sarcasm, arrogance, blackmail, pouting, acting cool, acting civil and good humoured, victim-act, chest beating, etc etc.

My mother is a narcissist, has no friends, has fallen out with everyone along the way and due to FOG, I'm the only person she talks to. She has been so vile to my adult DD that she now refuses to see her apart from duty Christmas and birthday visits. My mother moved round the corner to me a year ago, the idea being to help me through my cancer treatment, but after a few days, her true personality rose to the surface and I rapidly became her shopper, computer-fixer, workmen finder, taxi service, therapist and general punchbag. I'm still on chemotherapy now which she treats with the disdain of someone milking a cold with snarky comments such as 'well you're lucky you don't have small children to look after and can give into the tiredness' and the ever-tiresome 'you're lucky you don't have a job to worry about as well'. Her behaviour as a guest in my house last Christmas was so appalling she put me in bed for nearly a week. My closest friend said to me 'step back, she will kill you' and she was right. I limit my contact now and have set a few boundaries, which is a massive step for me. I try to restrict my comments to things like 'hmmm', 'oh I know', and 'really? oh I know' and she hates it.

She surpassed herself a few weeks ago with the ultimate body blow - she announced she has bought the house in my road, 4 doors down and opposite! She will be able to spy on me all day long so it's perfect for her. She told me she'd only told my golden sister the previous evening, a lie which she caught herself out in later that day and apparently the reason she withheld this wonderful surprise is that she 'didn't want to get gazumped' which is really feeble as they still haven't exchanged contracts. The real reason, which she knows, is that she is fully aware that I wouldn't like it and then it would have been awkward to go ahead with so she did it anyway. She is now doing the classic-narc act of being 'hurt' that DD and I aren't skipping for joy to have her over the road to us. It's a massive 'F* you, you wanted me close by, well here I am'. I've challenged her on her secrecy and that she has gone behind my back and she snarked that she 'didn't need my permission'. However, she will still expect the premium moving service we gave her last year when we worked tirelessly for weeks settling her into her new flat whilst she stropped and raged like a toddler. This is the end of my relationship with her, I'm not involving myself in her move and will just make sure she's ok for 'functional things' such as giving her my workmen's numbers but that's it from now on.

Just to add, if you are planning to leave him, do not under any circumstances give any warning, do all your planning in secret, set up your new life and close the door. Expect nothing after you've left.

Get out stay out and block

After 14 years away from ex-h narc, I can confirm that it is possible to win the battle but only through a genuine lack of interest in them. Never engaging in their game.

He is now an overweight middle aged narc with the same fast lifestyle he always had, but he has a very clear air of sadness about him. It's pretty desperate, and he looks at my life and actually struggles to criticise it because he know it doesn't touch the sides. I have a good relationship, I have an excellent close relationship with my (our) children, I also have a good job and decent salary, oh and a lot of close friends. He knows now there is nothing he could say that would even raise an eyebrow, never mind an argument. He's defeated because I care not one bit about what he thinks - after all, who in their right mind would take the opinion of a late 40 year old into account given the way he lives and has lived his life?

And you are still with him because .... ?

If you do and it's very unlikely, you will be just another predator out to get them. There will be many sympathisers rallying round them and you will be talked about. They already have a long list of people who have victimised/failed to value them and you'll be added to the list.

Highly unlikely that you could publicly out a narcissist. Look at how many people love Trump regardless.