Is it ever possible to beat a narcissist at their own games?

[MeltdownCentral1]

Is it? I just want justice.

This is spot on. Perfectly describing my situation with ExH.

I've never tangled with one.

But would say not. Better to walk away intact.

Why try and better someone who doesn't care about you?? Their utter indifference will always 'win'.

Yes but Just don't get caught otherwise huge risk.

One thing I do believe is that most / all narcissists have a powerful underlying hidden vein of hatred, fury and contempt.

Most of the time it’s kept under wraps, otherwise they’d be in mental institutions. But they really revel in the experience of ripping the mask of sanity off at times, and if that rage and craziness is coming towards you, we’ll they don’t care, it’s just a release for them; and you’re just a kind of dumping vessel really. And why it’s generally best to walk round them/keep distance generally (if possible) and certainly not to get emotionally involved.

No because in their mind you exist for them to manipulate, for them to "fix you".
If you need to communicate with one, as I do with exH, I think like a solicitor on a case. Only reply when I need to respond (bare minimum and for several years via DC and before that through my partner), state facts and yes/no responses, do not engage in any dialogue even when it appears reasonable. Never trust what they say is the truth.
Remember, they send out barbed hooks to catch you and know how to play to your fears and weaknesses.

I don’t know enough to really comment but in my mind, you lose the minute you dance with them.
they have a different set of rules where they always win.

re Bemy’s response. Sorry to go on! 🍷 I’m afraid, and recent run in with narcissist relative fresh in my mind. When I brought up some of the dreadful things she’d said to me she flatly, adamantly, angrily denied it. The thing is, I realised, she REALLY believed her totally inaccurate recollection of events. She wasn’t pretending. This is the kind of thing we’re dealing with here.

I hope you managed to get free in the end Bemy

Excellent summary

Problem with narcs is they can always take it a step further and do the thing you can't ever imagine yourself doing it to anyone. They will always have plan b and hit you below the belt. My question is to myself, is it worth going through that route. To me narcs have no humility and no stop button where normal people would start questioning their integrity. The charlatan will always take it a step further and also have people turn against you as they are technically bullies after all. I've walked away and avoided conflict with a whole narc family (blood related) and gone no contact. It's the best thing I have ever done which was walking away intact.

If anyones interested, HG Tudor (self-confessed Narcissist) has done YouTube recordings on this subject. He speaks and writes about the “Super Empath” who can, at pivotal times, take on the Narcissist and win. He calls the power-struggle showdown “SuperNova” as I recall. As a narcissist he views general Empaths as narcissistic collateral. It was quite an interesting view/theory anyway for those who are interested

HRTFT but, honestly, the answer is no. It’s not easy but try not to engage at all. If you have to because you’ve got dc together for eg, keep communications by email only and keep it brief, formal and don’t get drawn in no matter what the provocation. It’s hard but worth it.

At the end of the film War Games, after coming close to starting a nuclear war, the computer Joshua finally learns that the only way to win is not to play.
And he’s correct.

No! You disengage and set your own boundaries.

I've encountered several people like that. This is why work colleagues are exactly that and never friends. I have three friends who are former colleagues, but none I worked directly with or who could be in competition. I've seen too much office politics and bullying.

Narcissists can be very dangerous. Tread carefully. The most effective thing you can do is to disengage, entirely.

Absolutely this.

Have you ever watched their eyes when they are on the brink of a meltdown? It's the stuff horror movies are made of.

I 'won' against a narcissist boss by scrupulously documenting every single lie and manipulation, and by working with by other colleagues to cross-reference the different stories she'd fed everyone, then publicly outed her as a bully and pathological liar and basically made her unhireable within our entire industry.

But if it's in a relationship, just walk away.

I too would say it depends on the relationship, personal, business, neighbours, family?

Anyhow I had a win with the narc who used to live next door. Ended up lodging a police report on his continual tresspass on our rural property with his camera, DH told him to FO a couple of times, but he kept jumping the fence or gate.

Anyhow the police turned up and he got such a fright, told people (who hadn't even seen the police) that I had dobbed him in for growing dope, which is strange considering their property had been up for sale with several open homes in the weeks prior. Duh.

The new neighbours are lovely but showed us in the inside of the shed, it has pictures of us and our dogs on the walls! Apparently there were other photos of other random things the new people got rid of, but they wanted us to see those.

If I see him around again I will call the police and have him up for stalking. But the police report/record is there now and he didn't expect that at all...

Grey rock.

Gray rock=winning
then concentrate on your own life and living well
they are never worth it

100% this. You need to show them that they aren't important AT ALL. Live your best life that has nothing to do with them. It drives them crazy. I feel I have defeated a couple this way. No matter what they try I act like they don't exist. Their wants don't exist. Their existence doesn't matter. How can everything be all about them when I can't even remember them?

Yes my DB would send us abusive texts and my DH would respond back and backwards and forwards the argument would go. I told him just stop responding block and move on problem solved

No. You can win the odd battle but not the war. It's best to leave them.

DP is a narcissist. He has an absolute unwavering belief in his own superiority and nothing I say or do has any chance of altering that. In his eyes I do pretty much everything wrong. For example, he believes eggs should be sieved before scrambling and if you don't do this the eggs don't taste good. I refuse to sieve eggs so he refuses to eat my scrambled eggs. I have pointed out that restaurants don't do this and he happily eats scrambled eggs when away from home, but he still insists eggs have to be sieved.

If any friends start talking to be about my long covid which started a few months ago, he will change the subject to his hospitalization a couple of years ago (and which he has fully recovered from).

He is unable to congratulate me on my achievements.

If I hurt myself, he doesn't offer any help or ask me if I am ok. In fact be doesn't even pass comment. It is cruel.

I have shut him up a few times - for wxamplw, he used to boast about his 3 university degrees (who cares in a relationship?!) until one day I reminded him I did 2 degrees simultaneously. It shouldn't be necessary to be so competitive. We we supposedly on the same side.

Interesting. Depends on the context. You would have to be meticulous in note keeping. Confront them with evidence. So when they took great trouble to sell their attributes, paint a picture, your lawyer would then confront them with evidence to show otherwise.

Ex DP is a narc. The only way to deal with him is to be completely emotionless, factual and block on all platforms. His family are the same and I avoid them all like the plague.