Dating a "spiritually awakened" man

[JollieJullie]

I went on two great dates with a man. I am 34 and he is 38. So far he seems great, he is super attractive, smart, and we get along really well. Chemistry seems on point too. I am so excited to explore this connection after many bad dates and lukewarm matches!

My only concern about him is that he is extremely into self-development and spiritualism. He mentioned that he was very lost when he was younger and that he had a spiritual awakening a few years ago, following which he became vegetarian, teetotaler, meditates and prays his “higher power” every day. He works with a therapist and other coaches for different things. He took several years off from dating to “work on himself” and only joined a dating app 3 months ago.

Based on his old Facebook account (I googled him after our first date as I always do with men on OLD!) he used to lead a very flashy/ playboy-ish lifestyle, which is so so different from the character I met in person! The account hasn’t been used in over 7 years. This discrepancy left me a little confused as it is so extreme.

I am moderately into self-development too, I do therapy and enjoy reading about the mind. I also love yoga, meditation and healthy nutrition. However, I have a lot of other interests and hobbies that have nothing to do with the spiritual world. He seems to be much more into this than me, to the point that it appears that a lot of his time and energy goes into different spiritual practices every day.

Do you think that this could be an incompatibility? Have you ever dated someone who a little obsessed with the spiritual world? And if so, was it challenging?

I'd be interested in what led to this spiritual awakening- was it an event / burnout / breakdown .
Some people do radically alter their lives and beliefs and it all sounds positive - although for my taste a little too intense and obsessive. You say you've enjoyed 2 great dates - enjoy some more and see how it goes , you'll soon know if it's all too much or not .

I would shag him a few times due to the chemistry but I couldn't see myself with someone deeply spiritual long term. I think it would get on my nerves.

But if you're enjoying his company at the moment then I don't think there's any harm in seeing where things go.

Hmmm .. sounds a bit intense ... what else does he do with his time or is he just totally into his 'spiritualism'?

He sounds like an self-absorbed, insufferable, navel grazing bore.

Hard pass. I'd be sprinting for the hills.

Lilliths your post made me laugh, because that's exactly what I think

You're right to be concerned.

For me, what you do sounds like healthy emotional self-maintenance while what he does veers wildly into woo territory. But even aside from my opinions, the way he practices spirituality sounds completely all-encompassing - he's all in, it will affect literally every other aspect of his life. It doesn't sound like an interest that he can compartmentalise. If that's how he wants or needs to live his life, fair play, but you couldn't be his partner without also being all in.

Sounds like he’s in a 12 step programme

🤣🤣

You seem to know quite a lot about him after just two dates. How much does he know about you?

Like the poster above, I'd probably shag him, to see what that kind of person is like in bed, then decide dump

Not my cup of tea.

Without exception, every man I have ever encountered or heard about from friends who is spiritually enlightened...is at best selfish, has no drive, and no integrity. At worst, domestic abusers.

You;ve only been on two dates, just see how it goes. None of us will know if he is compatible with you or not, only you will.

I'm getting Nighty Night Series 2 vibes from this but that's probably unfair. He could just be doing his 12 steps like a pp said.

No harm in seeing how it goes I reckon. As long as the shagging isn't that tantric shit that goes on for weeks on end at a time. I guess if you're incompatible you'll find out.

That was my first thought too and possibly a relative newbie with all the zeal of a convert.

I would ask if he has ever had any addiction problems and if he says yes I would want to know how long he's been clean/sober.

Tbh sounds to my like the flashy playboy thing and the spiritual thing are just two different ways of being self-involved. Focusing one one's 'spiritual development' is still focusing on oneself.

I've known a few new age types for my sins and have observed this effect more than once. The 'higher power' is an idealised version of themselves. Proceed with caution.

During lockdown I got very into spiritualism, meditated several times a day, read countless books, watched documentaries practiced what I was reading, (was already vegetarian), but it made me a much calmer, relaxed, minding my own business, didn't get caught up in drama, if someone was mean to me just didn't react ... I was SO much nicer......I loved it, still love it (although life problems kinda took over and I stopped abruptly, not because I wanted to, but other things needed my attention more).

I am actually shocked at some of these comments!

I wouldn't be interested in someone who identifies this way because I am not into these things however if there is chemistry just take things slowly and see how it goes. You don't need to be planning the rest of your life with a date. I too agree that what the catalyst was for his change of ways is a clue too as to whether this is something likely to stick or not.

@ThreeLocusts amazingly put

Sorry but he sounds like the kind of arse you see on LinkedIn and Instagram who claims to live off meditation, a trillion hours of work a day and activated camel shit.

I would just enjoy his company and see how it goes really

The thing is netflixandnaps, you just see spiritualis as the good things it promises. A lot of people have been through it and especially experienced other people involved in it, and there are some real toxic, self obsessed and even dangerous people involved in it.

I'd compare it to the Socialist Workers Party. On the outside me and a lot of left wing people completely agree with their ideas and politics/ethics. On the inside what you actually get is wannabe cult leaders/dictators battling it out and competitive purity.

He sounds like a massive tool. No thanks.

I think @ThreeLocusts makes a good point.

He also sounds like he’d be a nightmare if you had children, to my cynical old mind.

Agree with shag and dump/run for hills.
IME these 'spiritual' guys are narcs.