Dating a "spiritually awakened" man

[JollieJullie]

I went on two great dates with a man. I am 34 and he is 38. So far he seems great, he is super attractive, smart, and we get along really well. Chemistry seems on point too. I am so excited to explore this connection after many bad dates and lukewarm matches!

My only concern about him is that he is extremely into self-development and spiritualism. He mentioned that he was very lost when he was younger and that he had a spiritual awakening a few years ago, following which he became vegetarian, teetotaler, meditates and prays his “higher power” every day. He works with a therapist and other coaches for different things. He took several years off from dating to “work on himself” and only joined a dating app 3 months ago.

Based on his old Facebook account (I googled him after our first date as I always do with men on OLD!) he used to lead a very flashy/ playboy-ish lifestyle, which is so so different from the character I met in person! The account hasn’t been used in over 7 years. This discrepancy left me a little confused as it is so extreme.

I am moderately into self-development too, I do therapy and enjoy reading about the mind. I also love yoga, meditation and healthy nutrition. However, I have a lot of other interests and hobbies that have nothing to do with the spiritual world. He seems to be much more into this than me, to the point that it appears that a lot of his time and energy goes into different spiritual practices every day.

Do you think that this could be an incompatibility? Have you ever dated someone who a little obsessed with the spiritual world? And if so, was it challenging?

Agree, my narc radar is triggered. See if he starts to love bomb you next.

Don't even shag him, don't waste your time. Please run for the hills. Gosh I feel like slapping him - self important, conceited tool.

Just say you're not on the same page!

Benefit of the doubt for date 3? Does he ask much about you Op?

higher power.. to me this sounds like he is in AA. If not.. I apologize for my assumption..but.. you say he is teetotal? why... healthy choice or addiction.?? I am an alcoholic. I am sober but will always be an alcoholic. I am very lucky that my husband has loved me enough to weather the storm with me..and believe me when i say that the storm was fierce. If i could say one thing to help you. DO NOT get involved with an alcoholic until they are sober at LEAST a year and maybe then...not at all. I am sober. but i fight everyday not to pick up a glass of wine. If my husband left me or i was widowed god forbid... I would never put anyone else through what i put my amazing husband through. just be careful

I'm a Hindu and a lot of my lifestyle is grounded in this spiritualism such as lighting diyas, meditation, being a vegeratarian(although I'm not) but I still love Netflix, eating junk food.. The spiritualism is an aspect of me and can help with daily life .. We're all multi faceted and I'm just exasperated by the judgement on here. I'd go on more dates if there's chemistry

@Turquoisa80

I agree about the comments! I still like normal things, but I'm a lot more chilled with it.

He has a problem moderating doesn't he? I'd be very interested to know whether he was addicted to drink or drugs a few years ago. He certainly appears to be addicted to this lifestyle now. And as another poster says, does he ever ask you about yourself?

Yes sounds like a 12 step programme. See Russell brand on you tube. I'd ask him outright.

I would be worried that the "spiritual awakening" is an obsessive trait. And that would make him restrictive and controlling in a long term relationship.

By all means, give it a go and see what happens.

All sounds rather wanky to me

Is it spiritualism or spirituality?
Watch out for ism-s in general.
General spirituality, particularly of the new agey variety, is pretty innocuous in itself, but depends on who's wearing it. I've known guys like this for whom their spiritual interest and commitment to personal growth has become a sort of stick with which to beat themselves up, or worse still, their partners. If coupled with kindness and curiosity it's fine, if there is any kind of questing for ideological purity or asceticism, give him a miss.

I would have the same view.

it strikes me as being two sides of the same coin… it used to be about him being the biggest/best/better than thou in terms of Flash, and now he is using the same technique of being More! More! More! than you. It is still a mechanism for focusing all the attention on himself.

He sounds awful.

These types do my head in (I feel like the ones I've known have ended up pretty critical of anything that isn't their own lifestyle) but doesn't mean he will. If you like it's worth a try.

Absolutely this!

This guy is already married op...you're now Russell Brand's side piece!

Joking aside though, as others have said you seem to know a LOT about this guy for only having had two dates. Would he know the same amount of info about you if asked or is he the one doing all the talking?

I'm quite shocked at some of these comments. If this was a man saying the same about a woman he has met bring spiritual would the comments be the same? I think not. There's nothing wrong with being spiritual. He's being upfront and honest. He's taking care of himself. Everybody does this differently. One person's way is not another's, doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it. If you couldn't tolerate it, you need to move on and be honest with him.

I am doing a LOL at meditation making someone self absorbed! You obviously have never practiced or know the purpose of meditation. I think it's pretty grim that from the brief description provided by the OP of someone who sounds quite normal, other than following a different belief system, has been labelled an abuser, an alcoholic and a dictator! Ffs what a bunch of judgmental arses you are.
Namaste

lol all you want, there have been quite a few studies into it. It can definitely be linked to increased narcissism. I'm surprised you don't instinctively know that without science backing it up - it doesn't take long in the company of a self absorbed hippy man to realise.
www.psychnewsdaily.com/study-links-mindfulness-meditation-to-narcissism-and-spiritual-superiority/

This one cuts to the chase
If a major point of yoga is quieting the ego and reducing focus on self, why are there so many yoga pose pictures on Instagram?

www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-science-of-spiritual-narcissism/

12 steps would be my thought too.

More specifically - developed a raging coke/booze problem during previous flashy lifestyle and is now doing a 12 step programme as part of his recovery.

As for the op, you are only 2 dates in, why not just enjoy. I'd be hoping for the long tantric sex sessions personally, unlike other poster!

He could be a fairly harmless addictive personality type. Celeb versions would be Davina McCall and Russell Brand (spelling?)

Very interesting what other posters ask - how much does he know about you? Or was it all about him?

What strange comments! It's totally possible to be quietly spiritual and totally normal.

If he is annoying and bore to you OP then dump him. Or he might be great. See how it goes.

I hope I’m wrong but my experience of dating someone heavily into NLP, tantric yoga and clean eating was similar to a lot of these comments. I’m not knocking any of it, in fact I was quite interested in it all and open to spiritual stuff myself but in reality everything was about him, he was uncompromising, very tight with money and lacked ambition. His house was filthy despite all his health proclamations. He didn’t drive for green reasons but expected me to drive him everywhere.

it didn’t last long! Of course it’s possible to be into all the spiritual side and be a balanced person who is great to date but my experience was that he was an insufferable bore and completely uncompromising. Keep an open mind but proceed with a lot of caution would be my advice!

I thought 12 steps too. I would just see how it goes.

People like this give me the red flag feeling. Im into those aspects but my worst ex was seriously into this and it hid an absolute smorgasbord of arseholery which he could then write off in some spiritual hotchpotch potch