Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I do everything and I still smell apparently

121 replies

IApparentlySmell · 29/07/2022 18:56

I’ll preface this with my brother is autistic, I suspect my mum is also on the spectrum.

I have a 7yo DC and I’m a single parent.
We both shower daily, change our pants everyday and brush our teeth everyday. I change clothes when they’re dirty or smell unless it’s very hot and we’ve been sweating.

DC goes to school, a holiday club and after school activities none of whom have ever raised a safeguarding concern about DCs hygiene. DC also has a couple of medical issues and is seen regularly by HCPs and doctors, no-one has ever said there are any issues with their hygiene.

I’ve held down full and part time jobs outside the home, and never had issues with my own hygiene raised either.

Yet every single time I see either my mum or brother or my DC does I get told “You stink” “You need a bath” “You really need to do something about your smell” “(DC) really needs a bath like now” even 2 seconds after I’ve got out of the shower at their homes (as I shower at their request) I get told “You need deodorant like now”. When I’ve put deodorant on in front of them they tell me that I need more or they can’t tell I’m wearing it.

Now my house apparently stinks, and I’m nose blind to it. Yet I’ve had my landlord over to do repairs and no concerns where raised about that either. Apparently the smell must be rubbing off on me and DC and thats why we smell so bad.

I’m at a lose, and think I basically I have to lose my family because I can’t cope with the constant comments and I know they can’t help it due to the ASD.
Just ranting really, my MH isn’t great atm and I just feel this is another stick to beat me with me.

OP posts:
Isaidnoalready · 29/07/2022 19:00

Fucks sake why are you showering at their home and pandering to them over this?

Stop going you don't smell

And if you honestly believe you do ask a close friend to be honest or even go to your doctor tell them what's happening because its clearly medical if you stink fresh out of the shower

thenightsky · 29/07/2022 19:01

Isaidnoalready · 29/07/2022 19:00

Fucks sake why are you showering at their home and pandering to them over this?

Stop going you don't smell

And if you honestly believe you do ask a close friend to be honest or even go to your doctor tell them what's happening because its clearly medical if you stink fresh out of the shower

Just typed out a reply and lost it, but yeah... this ^

It sounds like they get pleasure from bullying you OP

lifecouldbeadream · 29/07/2022 19:01

Best advice? Ask a friend you really trust to be completely honest about it.

Then- go from there.

Being autistic is not an excuse for being hurtful. Tell them clearly you don’t want to hear it. And then- stop listening.

NoInvitesEver · 29/07/2022 19:02

As above. How mean are they!
A 7 year old would have to be really dirty and unwashed for days to smell as they don't have the hormones or glands to be whiffy, which is the biggest clue this is BS.

carefullycourageous · 29/07/2022 19:04

They are bullying you. Stop visiting.

AbbieLexie · 29/07/2022 19:06

Leave immediately and return to your own home. @NoInvitesEver & @Isaidnoalready sum it up. Absolute torture for you and your child.

LilyMarshall · 29/07/2022 19:06

Tell them to fuck off. Tell them to learn some manners. Ask what the smell is. People just dont stink of nothing. It is a certain smell. Sweat, cigarettes, pee, musty, stale alcohol… Have they said what you smell of?

Original poster
IApparentlySmell · 29/07/2022 19:07

LilyMarshall · 29/07/2022 19:06

Tell them to fuck off. Tell them to learn some manners. Ask what the smell is. People just dont stink of nothing. It is a certain smell. Sweat, cigarettes, pee, musty, stale alcohol… Have they said what you smell of?

@LilyMarshall DC it's always pee

Me it's a mixture of sweat/BO and musty like unwashed clothes

OP posts:
ILoveMonday · 29/07/2022 19:08

It's not acceptable OP. Even if someone did smell to be this rude is bad. There's clearly something a bit wrong with them.

junebirthdaygirl · 29/07/2022 19:12

People on the spectrum often have a very heightened sense of smell. It's same as how they hear noises as being very loud or moises no one else hear. I have taught children and they say..what's that smell and literally no one else in the class can smell anything. Can you ask them to stop commenting or you won't visit or have them over. Sometimes they can agree to rules so the new rule is you cannot mention smell or l am going home.
I'm absolutely sure you don't smell or your dd.

LHReturns · 29/07/2022 19:14

7 year olds don’t smell!

do you believe them? Surely a doctor is the next step…

if you and your clothes (underwear and T-shirt/ top) are washed daily then you really shouldn’t smell.

im so sorry you have to worry about this - it must make you very anxious.

Jolinar · 29/07/2022 19:16

I agree with asking a friend you trust. Explain that your brother and mum keep mentioning it and you want to know. They should be honest, I would be.

I have a family member whose house is really musty smelling and it rubs off on them. They shower frequently and are always clean but the house stinks - damp clothes smell after years and years of it it's seeped in to the walls and everything in their house.

Original poster
IApparentlySmell · 29/07/2022 19:16

junebirthdaygirl · 29/07/2022 19:12

People on the spectrum often have a very heightened sense of smell. It's same as how they hear noises as being very loud or moises no one else hear. I have taught children and they say..what's that smell and literally no one else in the class can smell anything. Can you ask them to stop commenting or you won't visit or have them over. Sometimes they can agree to rules so the new rule is you cannot mention smell or l am going home.
I'm absolutely sure you don't smell or your dd.

@junebirthdaygirl This is why I know they can't help the fact they think I smell, it's just hurtful that I try everything and it still isn't enough.

OP posts:
Elsiebear90 · 29/07/2022 19:17

I think they’re bullying you and making it up, why would your son smell of pee if he showers and changes his pants daily and isn’t incontinent or having toileting issues? That makes no sense.

takeitandleaveit · 29/07/2022 19:18

People on the spectrum often have a very heightened sense of smell

That's as may be, but people on the spectrum are mostly capable of learning as adults that it is not appropriate to say certain things to people because it is rude. They don't have to understand why it is rude, they just have to learn not to say it.

They are using this as a stick to beat the OP and her dc with. I doubt very much whether they would say the same to, for instance, someone carrying out work in their house.

Original poster
IApparentlySmell · 29/07/2022 19:19

Jolinar · 29/07/2022 19:16

I agree with asking a friend you trust. Explain that your brother and mum keep mentioning it and you want to know. They should be honest, I would be.

I have a family member whose house is really musty smelling and it rubs off on them. They shower frequently and are always clean but the house stinks - damp clothes smell after years and years of it it's seeped in to the walls and everything in their house.

@Jolinar I do have to dry my washing inside as I have no outside space but I open my windows everyday for as long as I can, in summer they're open all day and night unless it's raining.

OP posts:
LHReturns · 29/07/2022 19:19

Elsiebear90 · 29/07/2022 19:17

I think they’re bullying you and making it up, why would your son smell of pee if he showers and changes his pants daily and isn’t incontinent or having toileting issues? That makes no sense.

I agree entirely.

Babdoc · 29/07/2022 19:20

Autistic hypersensitive senses are well documented. We are often “super tasters” and very intolerant of loud noise and bright lights, too.

OP, you can’t desensitise their noses. You either avoid them altogether, stand downwind of them, or have a shower and complete change into freshly laundered clothes just before you visit them!

LHReturns · 29/07/2022 19:21

Do they think other people smell though? Or just you?

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 29/07/2022 19:21

Do you think there's a chance you're nose blind to your clothes? Even if you shower unless you put clean clothes on you won't smell nice.

Original poster
IApparentlySmell · 29/07/2022 19:22

Babdoc · 29/07/2022 19:20

Autistic hypersensitive senses are well documented. We are often “super tasters” and very intolerant of loud noise and bright lights, too.

OP, you can’t desensitise their noses. You either avoid them altogether, stand downwind of them, or have a shower and complete change into freshly laundered clothes just before you visit them!

I think avoiding them altogether is my only option as I shower and change my clothes at their homes and still get told I need deorderant or I'm not wearing it or if I am it's not enough, I can't do it anymore.

OP posts:
Palg68 · 29/07/2022 19:22

lifecouldbeadream · 29/07/2022 19:01

Best advice? Ask a friend you really trust to be completely honest about it.

Then- go from there.

Being autistic is not an excuse for being hurtful. Tell them clearly you don’t want to hear it. And then- stop listening.

Agree. Change clothes daily. Mitchum stick deodorant is fab. Swop shower gels for an actual bar of soap to wash with. Wash clothes on 40 degrees at least.

EmmiJay · 29/07/2022 19:22

Tell them they're smelling their own top lips and ignore them. How rude are they?!🥴 Or (!!!) spray them with fabreeze or something and ask if thats better??😌

Baxdream · 29/07/2022 19:24

Is your house clean/tidy? I'd check that it doesn't smell as hard as that might be.
Washing clothes would be pointless if you dry them indoors and there's a musty smell.

I mean it may all be rubbish! I only say as I've been in a lot of musty homes through my job and it does permeate the person too

Hopeandlove · 29/07/2022 19:25

Elsiebear90 · 29/07/2022 19:17

I think they’re bullying you and making it up, why would your son smell of pee if he showers and changes his pants daily and isn’t incontinent or having toileting issues? That makes no sense.

This